When A Phoenix Cries: Severus
by FalconLux
Summary: Not your average time travel fic, I promise. No time turner, no going back to the future, and does Hermione still belong in Griffindor? A tale of romance, adventure, and maybe a better future for everyone. Slightly AU. Rated M for language, themes, violence, and some possible smut eventually. THIS IS A COMPANION FIC TO "WHEN A PHOENIX CRIES: HERMIONE"
1. Back to Hogwarts

**Author's Note: **Okay, so I'm trying something a bit different with this fic. I really wanted to write it in first person, but rather than leaping between Hermione and Severus POV, I've decided to write two versions of it. The second is titled "When A Phoenix Cries: Hermione" and will be updating in parallel to this one. The primary plot will follow Hermione but if you fancy getting a peek into Severus' head, you're in the right place. The chapter numbers won't line up, but the chapter titles will. Please note that, due to this arrangement, some chapters may run significantly long or short as the content dictates. If I've not explained this adequately, feel free to ask any questions in your review or PM me and I'll try to clear it up.

**You may wish to read the first three chapters of Hermione's story first, as they provide most of the setup for this tale before our lead characters meet for the first time in 1977. **

**Disclaimer: I will say this only once, suffice it to say that it applies to all subsequent chapters. I am not J. K. Rowling and do not own Harry Potter, the universe, most of the backstory, or the canon characters. The way in which I manipulate them, is, however, mine.**

~.~.{o}.~.~

**Back to Hogwarts**

I didn't bother trying to find my own compartment when I boarded the train. I headed straight for the front, where I knew that Slughorn would be. The potions professor had recruited me into the "Slug Club" halfway through my first year when he'd noticed my proficiency in his class and my high grades in my other classes.

I'd been honored at first, I remembered bitterly. It had made me feel special to be so recognized by the professor of my favorite class. I'd eventually come to see the club as just another opportunity for me to be shunned and mocked by Lucius and the other purebloods. Despite my being part of his little club, Slughorn mostly ignored me too unless something relevant to potions came up. I couldn't even properly appreciate his praise for my work in class anymore. After hearing him sucking up to the likes of Lucius Malfoy for six years, I understood that his loyalties lay firmly with whomever might become to most important adult.

I was the first one to enter Slughorn's chamber and he laughed, clapped me on the back, and said some meaningless stuff that I largely ignored. I'd learned his voice well enough to recognize the way the pitch changed when he asked a question, so I was mostly safe to ignore him without missing a question.

It was a relief when other students began to arrive, distracting the annoying professor. However much I respected the man's skill with potions, that was the only thing I respected about him. Lucius arrived, followed closely be Regulus, both of them strutting around like they mattered just because of their fathers' names though not one of them was more than average in any way that did matter.

I stared out the window and let my mind drift away while I waited for the "meeting" to end. I couldn't help but notice though, when Lily entered. It had been a year and a half since we'd even spoken when it could be avoided. It seemed wrong that she still had such a hold over me, but I couldn't shake the feeling that I had destroyed our friendship more surely than her "romance" with Potter ever could have. Every time I was near her, I found myself again seeing the horrified look on her face when I'd called her that deplorable slur.

I didn't look at her, but my senses were so attuned to her every movement that I could tell she'd taken the seat furthest away from me on the opposite bench. I was grateful for that even though my heart clenched at her cold distance.

"Hermione!" I heard Slughorn bellow shortly after the compartment door had opened and closed. "Glad you could make it, my dear!"

The unfamiliar name caught my attention. Apparently, Slughorn had a new recruit. I turned my head just a little to catch a glimpse of her through my hair without appearing interested enough that anyone was likely to involve me in the conversation. I froze as my eyes settled on one of the prettiest girls I had ever seen. She had to be a sixth or seventh year by the look of her. Her hair was the most gorgeous mass of honeyed ringlets, her eyes a darker brown, but still with a warm, inviting tone. Her full lips were currently twisted up in a smile that did not reach her eyes as she glanced around the compartment.

I was certain that I had never seen her before. Even if she were a Hufflepuff I could not have missed this stunning creature.

"It's good to see you again, Hermione. There's a spot open by me," Lucius voice cut through my thoughts like a knife and I quickly shut down my traitorous mind, turning my gaze back out the window. Girls like this Hermione liked boys like Lucius. No girls liked me. If I'd had any doubts about that, Lily had cleared them up for me.

Still, I couldn't help but notice that the girl sat down next to me rather than taking Lucius' offer.

"You're a terrible tease, Miss Wilkins," Lucius said with an audible smirk and I realized that that must be her reason. She was playing hard to get.

"I see that you two have met!" Slughorn declared with pleasure in his tone, which I found myself unable to block out as I usually did.

"She _bumped _into me in Diagon Alley last week," Lucius supplied haughtily. "Flirting ensued. Naturally."

I was starting to feel sick as I recalled all the reasons that I loathed Lucius Malfoy.

"Lucius evidently can't miss a chance to be rejected," Hermione came back with an edge to her tone that surprised me. She must really be serious about teasing the blond man. She was probably a pureblood, I reasoned. That would explain the easy exchange between her and Lucius as well as why Slughorn had recruited her even though she must have just transferred into Hogwarts this year.

Slughorn chuckled merrily, "Ah, the fire of young love!" he declared.

I rolled my eyes, knowing that no one could see.

The conversation turned away from the new addition as more students arrived and I gratefully allowed my mind to drift away again.

I was crunched into the corner as much as I could manage, trying hard to be invisible to those sharing the compartment with me, but I was powerless to avoid noticing the way that Hermione slid closer to me as more students sat down on the bench at her other side. Finally, she slid over until our hips were pressed together and I tensed at the contact, both heartily welcomed and entirely dreaded. I really didn't need to be enjoying her closeness so much when I was certain I would soon enough watch Lucius woo her into his slimy clutches. I wished I hadn't noticed how nice her hair smelled.

Slughorn began with introductions once everyone had arrived, naming each of us in turn and explaining what it was that qualified us for his "elite" club. I didn't pay much attention until he came to the witch all but sitting on me.

"And, of course, this year's unexpected jewel," Slughorn said with such excitement in his voice that I was sure he had high hopes for her future. "Miss Hermione Wilkins is new to Hogwarts this year, and I've honestly never seen a more impressive student. She got _twelve_ outstanding OWLs!"

That threw me. He hadn't immediately mentioned her family, which meant that it was unlikely that it was greatly impressive. But… _Twelve _outstanding OWLs? How was that even possible? I'd barely slept in my fifth year to earn my eight OWLs.

"I took them a year late," I heard her hastily explain, as though she were embarrassed.

Well, taking them a year late might explain how it was possible, but it was still impressive that she was so well versed in so many subjects. It also meant, I noted idly, that she must be a seventh year. So I'd probably have to endure her enticing presence in at least several of my classes all year. I really wished that I could have convinced myself that I wasn't pleased by that.

Slughorn was laughing heartily. "You be proud of that, my girl! I don't think Slytherin's ever seen a student with twelve outstanding OWLs before!"

And she was a Slytherin… Great. Now I was even more attracted to her. Why couldn't she have been a silly Hufflepuff or a detached Ravenclaw? Considering her OWLs, the latter would have made sense.

"And of course, last but not least," Slughorn concluded and I cringed as I knew what was coming. Hollow praise and forced pride.

"Severus Snape!"

For some reason, she started slightly when he said my name. I could only guess that maybe Reg was getting too friendly on the other side of her. The fact that she didn't move away from me suggested that her start hadn't been aversion to my identity, though I wasn't sure how she'd know my name anyway.

"The brightest potioneer to ever come through my class!" Slughorn was declaring grandly.

Resigned, I turned my face enough that my hair wasn't entirely obscuring it from the room. I glanced at each of the faces around me before my eyes settled on the stunning witch at my side. After staring for a moment, I forced myself to look at Slughorn rather than her even though I found myself consumed by the absurd desire to fall into her eyes and stay there. There had been something in those eyes to which I couldn't quite put a name… Something that none of the other pretty Slytherin girls shared. Perhaps it was simply intelligence. Narcissa hadn't even managed five outstanding OWLs.

I forced my mind back on task harshly. I couldn't let myself hope for things that I knew would never be. Lily had taught me that.

"Severus, my boy," Slughorn grinned, his chins jiggling with his pleasure. "You and Miss Wilkins should get along splendidly. She has quite an eye for potions as well."

I glanced at her again. More OWLs than me and skill at potions as well. I wondered how much longer I'd be welcome in Slughorn's club now that he seemed to have found a more impressive version of myself – certainly a much more attractive one.

Oh well, I decided. It would be a blessing if he stopped inviting me. Then I wouldn't have to sit through these interminable lessons in humility when I could be tucked away in a quiet corner reading.

It seemed a relative eternity before Slughorn broke up the enchanting little party. Hermione was the first one out the door even though she was far from the closest to it. As soon as it was clear that we were free to go, she practically leapt out of her seat, crossed the room in two long strides, and disappeared down the corridor.

I looked after her curiously, staying where I was so that Lily could leave ahead of me and hopefully be safely tucked away in a compartment before I went to find my own. When only Slytherins remained – the majority of the Slug Club – Slughorn gave us the password to the common room and I slipped away while he chatted with Lucius.

I found a compartment with a couple of first years in it and let myself in. I sat down on one bench and only had to glare at them for about a minute before they left. I smiled grimly to myself. Scaring children was one of my skills. There was something to be proud of.

It was only a minute later when the compartment door opened again and I groaned inwardly when James Potter strutted in, sneering at me. "Snivellus," he said disdainfully. "I saw some first years running for their lives and I thought I'd find you here. Tell me, do you think it's your face that frightens them, or your stench?" he goaded.

I stared at him, schooling my face to portray my anger but nothing else. He could never know how rotten he could make me feel.

"Come on, Snivellus!" Potter pressed, trying to get a rise out of me. "Do you have something to say about it?"

I bloody well _would_ have had something to say about it if his ridiculous friends hadn't been loitering right outside. I didn't doubt that I could take any one of them individually, but I had no illusions about taking on all four. Not in a fair fight.

I tried not to listen as he prattled on, calling me that revolting nickname, but I seemed incapable of blocking out his self-important tone.

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed seeing what Severus thinks of all this. If you haven't already, don't forget to check out "When A Phoenix Cries: Hermione". As always, please review. You'll make my day!**


	2. New Acquaintance

**New Acquaintance**

My heart almost stopped when the gorgeous witch from Slughorn's compartment appeared on the opposite bench in the compartment, lounging lazily with her legs sprawled across the bench. The way that she seemed to trickle into visibility made it clear that she'd been expertly _disillusioned_ until that moment. Her wand was held loosely in her hand as she twirled it between her fingers. Her eyes were on mine and they danced with mischief, her lips twisted into a devious smirk.

I flicked my eyes back to Potter as he prattled on, completely unaware of the witch's appearance. That's when I noticed it. His skin had taken on a greenish tint that was darkening by the second until he was absolutely emerald, his hair fading out to silver.

Slytherin colors, I realized.

My lips twitched toward a smile as I understood why Hermione was looking so deviously amused. I tried to remain impassive, but the sight of James Potter acting all self-important while virtually glowing with the colors of his rival house was positively hilarious. My smile grew and a chuckle escaped my lips.

"What's so funny, Snivellus?" Potter demanded. "Is there a mirror in here? Catch a glimpse of your nose, did you?"

"Bloody hell!" Black exclaimed, and I choked on a louder laugh.

"What?" Potter demanded.

Black grabbed his hand and lifted it for Potter to see.

"What the sodding hell?" Potter sputtered. It was one of the best moments of my life as I watched him realize that he was green, but then he reached for his wand.

My hand darted for my wand, but before either of us could reach them, Hermione's wand flicked almost lazily and Potter' wand flew from his pocket to her hand.

The Gryffindors finally realized that she was there, Potter spinning to face her.

"Hello, boys," she greeted in an easy drawl, a lazy smile still curling her lips.

"Who are you?" Potter demanded.

"Hermione Wilkins," she offered, her tone almost friendly. "And you are?"

"Green!" Potter shouted. "Did you do this?"

"Hexing is against school rules," she informed him, the picture of innocence.

I bit my cheek to keep from laughing aloud and ruining the moment.

"You _did_!" Potter accused, his tone positively aghast, as though he couldn't imagine why anyone would ever want to do anything unpleasant to him. "What did I ever do to you?"

"Well, you were being rather impolite to my dear friend, Severus," she smirked.

My eyes widened incredulously at her but she spared me only the barest glance. Clearly she'd only said it to annoy Potter, though that didn't explain why she had felt the need to intervene.

"Give me my wand!" Potter demanded.

I expected her to refuse, but she complied quite readily. "Of course," she smiled, handing it back to him without hesitation. I knew that was a mistake, and Potter quickly proved me right by lifting it toward her.

She merely flicked her wand and disarmed him again.

I snorted in surprised amusement but no one seemed to notice.

"You should be careful where you point that," she explained, still the picture of politeness. "Someone less understanding than myself might take it for a threat."

Amazingly, she returned the wand to him once more. It seemed that the lesson had been learned though, for Potter did not attempt to raise it again.

"Fix this!" he insisted, gesturing vaguely to his body.

She chuckled softly, "I'm sorry, there are so many ways I could take that. To what exactly are you referring? I'm afraid I don't know any spells to make one less of a prat."

Nope, I'd been wrong before. _This _was the best moment of my life.

"You bloody well know what I mean!" Potter growled at her furiously.

"I think green suits you," she smiled with no evident malice whatsoever. "Regardless, it'll wear off in a couple days."

"DAYS!"

"Run along now. This cabin's full," she smiled, raising her wand slightly.

"Fine. I'll see you later, Snivellus!" Potter growled. It might have been more impressive had he found enough of that Gryffindor courage to take his eyes off the witch aiming a wand at him.

My heart soared to previously unknown heights as I watched my greatest enemy flee before this adorable enigma of a witch.

Even Potter' loyal friends were howling with laughter as he retreated. Only Black lingered in the doorway.

"Would you like to match your friend?" she offered amicably. "The two of you would make an adorable couple in Slytherin green."

"No, thanks, love," Black grinned that stupid grin that he was so proud of. "I prefer witches," he said as he backed out of the room. "Feisty ones!" he added before disappearing.

I rolled my eyes while she flicked her wand to slam the door shut behind them. Then she pulled a tiny book out of her pocket and tapped it with her wand. It instantly sprang to a regular size and she tucked the wand back into her sleeve before opening the book.

"How long have you been there?" I asked her warily when it seemed clear that she was going to ignore me.

"Oh, I just popped in," she said with the little smirk that made me uncomfortably aware of her lips.

I looked down at my lap as she turned her attention back to her book. After a long moment, I felt compelled to say, "Thank you," even though the idea of giving this woman any more power over me was daunting. Clearly I was in her debt for so thoroughly ruining what Potter had probably meant to be a long and annoying ordeal.

"For that?" she scoffed with a glance toward the door. "Forget it," she dismissed. "That was fun."

I smiled a little as she so carelessly released me from any debt. "Is it really going to last two days?" I inquired, since she seemed willing enough to talk despite the book in her lap.

"Unless he goes to the hospital wing," she shrugged. "There's a potion that can remove it, but I hear it's not exactly pleasant. So he'll either be green at the feast or he'll miss it. Either works for me."

I couldn't help but chuckle. Seeing Potter bright green with silver hair, raging and helpless to do anything about it, was a moment that would remain bright and happy in my mind for years to come, I was certain. "It was Hermione, right?" I said though I remembered it perfectly well. I didn't want to let on that I was as interested in her as I really was.

She nodded.

Another long moment of silence passed. She'd shrugged off the whole thing, but I still felt like I owed her at least a warning. "You should be careful with James Potter," I cautioned. "He's not going to forget this, and he's always surrounded by his lackeys."

She laughed, a sound of genuine amusement that rang off the walls of the compartment and surrounded me in its warmth. "Trust me, I've dealt with worse," she said, evidently wholly convinced of that.

I wasn't so sure that she understood the kind of lengths to which those four were willing to go, but I didn't think a second warning would have any more effect, so I let it drop.

She seemed engrossed in her book, so I felt safe to study her for a moment. She really was stunning as her face relaxed into repose.

"Is that Slughorn's book?" I asked finally. I knew that I may not get many more chances alone with her and I didn't want to miss my chance even if I was only nursing a crush that was sure to end badly for me. Again. I wasn't entirely sure what it was, but there was something about this witch that I seemed incapable of ignoring.

She nodded, not seeming at all bothered by my interruptions. "It looks like we'll learn some interesting potions this year," she said, actually seeming interested in that.

It wasn't until that moment that I remembered Slughorn saying that she was skilled in potions. "I noticed that too," I agreed, leaning forward a little into my seat as the topic helped to make this conversation more comfortable for me. "Slughorn said you were good with potions."

She shrugged somewhat dismissively, "I can follow a recipe. How about you? The best potioneer Slughorn's ever had in his class? Do you plan to become a potions' master?"

I felt heat rise in my cheeks as she repeated that dreaded man's praise. "Yeah, that's what I want to do," I admitted.

"I'm sure you'll be great," she smiled very naturally, like we were old friends. "From what I hear, Slughorn surrounds himself with only the best."

I couldn't help but chuckle at her phrasing. "Was that a compliment or a boast?" I teased, surprised by how easily the jest came out.

She laughed out loud again. "I meant it as a compliment."

"Then, thank you," I smirked. "What's your favorite subject?" I probed, since she hadn't seemed all that enthusiastic about potions.

She sighed thoughtfully. "Defense, I suppose."

"That's obvious from what you did to Potter," I admitted, remembering how easily she'd disarmed him with a nonverbal _expelliarmus_ - twice.

She smirked, but otherwise ignored my comment. "I like most subjects though. Especially Transfiguration and Charms."

"Really?" I smiled, interested. "Transfigure something," I challenged more boldly than I'd realized myself capable.

She rose to the challenge with a smirk, casting her eyes around for a target. Finally, they settled on her book and she cast the spell nonverbally.

Her book transformed into a pointed black hat and she placed it on her head with amusement dancing in her eyes.

"Impressive," I said, and I meant it.

She tipped her hat at me in mock geniality and I laughed. I really couldn't remember the last time I'd laughed so much. Some little part of my brain tried to bring up a memory of Lily, but I crushed it under a metaphorical heel. This was not a time for pining after Lily Evans.

"And a charm?" I pressed, since she obviously hadn't been bothered by the first request.

She gave it a moment of thought, then twirled her wand in a complicated maneuver and didn't so much as open her lips. Multicolored sparks flashed from the tip of her wand and launched themselves into the air, colliding and exploding again and again as they circled around the ceiling a dozen times before dissipating and fizzling out.

"What about you?" she challenged.

"Oh, I don't know anything that flashy," I said quickly. There were a few things that I could have done, but I wasn't trying to show off just yet, particularly considering that she seemed so talented.

She let it go with a shrug.

Amazingly, the last hour of the trip to Hogwarts passed in easy conversation with the intriguing witch. I wasn't generally that much for conversation, though I realized in that hour that the reason I didn't like to talk much was because no one talked to me like this. Not since Lily anyway – well, honestly not since our third year, before we'd really begun to grow apart. I found myself greatly enjoying the conversation with Hermione, and she seemed to as well.

I wondered if she liked talking to me or if she enjoyed this much ease with everyone. I'd heard her spar briefly with Lucius, and she'd handled that pretty well. Then there was the encounter with Potter. She hadn't seemed to have any difficulty talking to him either. This, though, was easy, relaxed, and pleasant. She never mocked me or even really asked difficult questions.

When the train arrived at the Hogsmeade station, I found myself incredibly disappointed that our time alone together was over. I had so expected her to go in search of other company that I didn't even realize she'd remained near me until I moved to board a carriage and found her standing with her back to me.

I paused, watching her carefully as she lifted one hand and reached out as though she was stroking something that I couldn't see.

Then I realized that that was exactly what she was doing. She was petting one of the thestrals that pulled the carriages. Of course I knew about them, but, as they were invisible, I didn't generally think too much about them.

"Can you see them?" I asked her warily. I expected that she could, but I also knew that there was only one way to see a thestral. I wasn't entirely sure that she would answer me at all or that it would be polite if she did.

"Yes," she said softly, but not as though she was particularly averse to speaking to me. After a long moment, she spoke again. "Most people don't even believe that they're real," she noted, glancing back at me.

"I've read about them," I offered. "There seems plenty of evidence to prove that they exist. I find it rather annoying that so many people can claim that something doesn't exist just because they can't see it. You'd think, in a world filled with magic, people would be more open-minded." I closed my mouth resolutely when I realized that I was rambling. That was not generally a failing of mine. I tended to grow quiet when I was uncomfortable, but I supposed that I enjoyed talking to her enough that I just wanted to say something that would keep her talking.

Her smile was sad as she turned back to the thestral and I burned to ask her who she had watched die, but I didn't dare.

"It's not that they can't see it," she said quietly. "They don't _want_ to believe in something that can only be revealed through death." Her voice was soft, almost hypnotic, and it seemed far beyond her years just then. "It frightens them, so they shut their eyes and hope it goes away. Like children in the dark."

The lead carriages rattled as they began to move and Hermione ran her hand lightly through the air – apparently to me, at least – then sighed softly and turned to board the carriage I had meant to. A few younger students had clambered in while I'd been distracted by Hermione but they seemed intent on ignoring us, which was all the better.

After the discussion about the thestrals, I couldn't think of one thing to say to her besides the question still burning in my mind. This beautiful, intriguing, talented witch that had defended me against Potter and spoken so candidly with me while we were alone in the train had seen someone die. That thought bounced around my head all the way into the castle.

When the carriage stopped before the castle, I followed Hermione out but she set a slow pace, angling her head up toward the stars. Her eyes were calm but distant, so I didn't speak. I also didn't move passed her as the other students were doing. I shortened my stride and matched her pace, sneaking glances at her quiet thoughtfulness while we walked.

When we entered the castle, her countenance didn't change. She took in the walls, ceiling, tapestries, portraits, and rugs that we passed with that same understated interest. Her pace had left us significantly behind most of the students, so the halls were quiet.

The spell didn't break until we entered the clamor of the common room filled with students. Her eyes surveyed the room and her lips curled into the first smile since the thestrals.

A lump swelled in my stomach as I realized that this was where we parted ways. Determined to be matter-of-fact about it, I lengthened my stride and made for my customary spot at the far rear side of the Slytherin table.

"Hermione!" Lucius' voice carried over the general commotion.

I tried not to roll my eyes.

"Hermione! I saved you a seat!" Lucius called again.

I caught a glimpse of honeyed curls and turned to see Hermione settling onto the bench right next to me rather than anywhere near Lucius at the middle of the table. She was looking at him though, he face set in mild defiance.

"You're not sitting with Lucius?" I asked uncertainly.

"Not if there is any way to avoid it," she said fervently.

I studied her uncertainly. I'd thought that she was just trying to make Lucius work for it, but saying that to me wouldn't have any point then. Lucius was much too far away to hear it. "Really?" I had to ask.

"Why is that so hard to believe?" she demanded, seeming annoyed.

"Because he's Lucius Malfoy," I offered the obvious.

"We clearly have differing opinions of that boy," she stated.

I knew that my brow had to be climbing toward my hairline, but she actually seemed serious. She really didn't like Lucius at all.

Before I could decide how to respond to that – or if I should – Dumbledore's voice rolled over the room, distracting me. The first years were approaching the sorting hat. I didn't really care about the new students, so I let my eyes and mind wander. I smirked as I noted a head at the other side of the room. A familiar mess of shining silver hair. That had been a brilliant hex.

Thinking of that reminded me of the witch at my side. I turned my head enough to catch sight of her without staring and I found that she didn't seem interested in the sorting either. Instead, she was looking at her joined hands on the table in front of her, fiddling absently with the two rings that she wore. They looked like nice rings, but nothing extremely impressive. I was guessing that she didn't come from a particularly rich family. If she had, Slughorn would have been certain to mention it anyway.

She didn't look up until Dumbledore spoke again, beginning the feast.

She set to eating then and I did as well. We didn't talk during the meal, but it was a strangely comfortable silence between us.

As the feast drew to a close, Dumbledore rose once more and made his customary introduction of the new Defense professor. In my seven years at Hogwarts, this was the seventh Defense professor. He was tall and quite old, but clean-shaven, and he looked capable, standing with understated ease while we inspected him. Dumbledore introduced him as Professor Moody, a retired Auror. That was good. I liked Defense, but a couple of the professors I'd had for that class had been rather disappointing. I didn't expect that this time.

Dumbledore continued, giving the usual advisements about the Forbidden Forest and curfew before dismissing us to our common rooms.

"Did you see Potter?" I asked quietly as I rose from the table next to Hermione.

She turned toward the Gryffindor table – it rather surprised me how easily she located it, actually – and her lips twisted into that delicious smirk.

As Potter's group drew near enough, she spoke loudly, "I see you're finally showing your true colors, Potter!"

There was a grumbling among the Gryffindors as several Slytherins took notice and laughed. There was one rather notable laugh among the Gryffindors though. Sirius Black. I knew that laugh well since it was usually at my expense that I heard it. The fact that he was now laughing at his friend suggested that he may have been serious when he'd expressed his interest in Hermione.

I stomped furiously on my jealousy. It wasn't like I had a chance with her. What did it matter if one more prat was vying for her attentions? I had no idea if Hermione would consider dating a Gryffindor, but I thought it was possible. She hadn't spent the last six years developing the traditional animosity that all Slytherins felt for all Gryffindors.

"I'll show you to the common room," I offered as we left the Great Hall. I didn't want her to have to trail along behind the prefects with the first years.

"Oh, thanks," she agreed readily.

We walked in silence all the way down to the dungeons, but again, it wasn't uncomfortable. She seemed to be soaking in everything that we passed and it reminded me of her twelve OWLs. She had to be really smart, regardless of the fact that she'd taken them a year late. The way that she was paying attention now seemed like she was committing everything to memory.

"Insidious," I informed the blank stretch of wall that did not in any way mark the Slytherin common room and it parted for us.

She looked at me with a curiously raised brow.

"Slughorn told us after the others left," I explained. "You were out to door too quickly to hear it."

"Avoiding Lucius," she admitted somewhat sheepishly.

"What do you hate so much about him?" I wondered, honestly confused, though I wholly agreed with the assessment.

"Nothing," she said blandly, "apart from the fact that he was convinced from the moment he met me that he was my heart's deepest desire."

"Well, he thinks that because it's generally true," I reasoned grudgingly.

"Oh please don't tell me you're one of his fans," she sighed.

I shrugged uncomfortably. The last thing that I wanted to do was tell her exactly how unpopular I was, if she hadn't figured that out already. Granted, she was bound to do so quite soon, so I figured I may as well tell her the truth. "He doesn't really acknowledge me unless he needs help with homework." I found that I couldn't look at her as I said it.

She laughed, but, surprisingly, it wasn't derisive. "You have no idea how much I envy you."

I looked at her again and she was grinning. I smiled as well, relieved that she didn't seem to be mocking me.

Her eyes moved past me and around the room with that intent scrutiny. Her lip curled slightly in distaste and she shivered a bit.

"It's not that bad," I offered. She definitely didn't seem to like it.

"It feels like a cave," she pointed out disdainfully.

I looked around then and nodded. It kind of did feel like a cave, but it was one that I had grown comfortable with over the years. "At least it's better than being near Gryffindor Tower," I suggested.

She seemed to think about it a moment, then nodded her concession. Since I doubted that she knew where Gryffindor Tower was, I assumed that she was thinking of the occupants, as I was.

"You really should be careful with Potter," I felt compelled to stress again. "He's vindictive, and if he doesn't think he can take you in a duel, he'll find another way – like attacking when your back is turned." He'd done that to me enough times.

"He's a bully," she shrugged, dismissing my concern a second time. "That's what they do. I'm not worried."

I nodded, as it was clearly beyond my ability to change her mind.

The door opened again then and the prefects arrived, leading the first years. As much as I liked talking to Hermione, I really didn't want to know what Lucius would say about it when he arrived, so I started toward the dorms at the back. "Your room will be down there," I told her, stupidly pleased that she'd followed me without any apparent thought. I pointed down the hall to the girls' rooms, then started toward the next hall and my own room.

"Severus," she called after me.

I turned back to her curiously.

"It was really nice to meet you," she said, everything about her seeming utterly sincere.

I studied her cautiously, waiting to see if she was going to follow her comment with something mocking. When she just continued to smile at me openly, I nodded slowly. "You too, Hermione." I don't think I'd ever meant anything more, but it left a bitter aftertaste as I wondered how long it would be before I came to dread the day she entered my life.

She disappeared down toward the girls' rooms and I watched after her a moment before heading toward my own.

I went to the door midway down the hall that had been mine since my third year and let myself in. The tiny space was just as I remembered it, a shelf against one wall and a chest of drawers against the other with the small bed taking up a good portion of the wall opposite the door.

The first thing that I did was turn around and place my wards on the door. I'd found a better impeding ward over the summer, so I erected that along with the usual silence and privacy wards that I always used. I wondered if I should have warned Hermione to ward her door, but after a moment I decided that she probably knew that. I wasn't sure if anyone would try anything on her, but I remembered only too well some of the pranks the others had used on me back before I'd figured the wards out.

I didn't even bother opening my trunk, instead just flinging myself across the bed. I stared up at the sullen green canopy, thinking about this most unusual first day back and wondering how long it would be before Hermione met some other people and started to ignore me.

~.~.{o}.~.~

I woke with a sigh and mentally prepared myself for the year to come. At least this was my last. Then I'd start my apprenticeship and hopefully never have to see James Potter or his friends again. If I ever did see him after graduation, I hoped that it was in a few years when I was a certified potions' master, and hopefully more important than him in every way.

I dug into my trunk and located my bag. Stuffing a clean change of clothes and toiletry items into it, and I left my room for the showers.

I was running low on my hair potion, I noted unhappily. My father never let me work with potions at home anymore, so I'd been rationing last spring's stock all summer. I'd tried every hair product over the years, both muggle shampoos and potions, but I'd never found one that could keep my hair from looking greasy by the end of the day – or sooner if I spent any time leaning over a steaming caldron. In my fourth year, I'd designed my own hair potion, and modified it a bit here and there since. It was the only thing that worked. Potter and the others had never relented calling me greasy, but it didn't bother me as much when it wasn't true.

Of course, my father didn't care about any of that. I'd inherited the stupid fine hair and oily scalp from him but he just kept his cropped extremely short and let it get greasy. I hated wearing my hair short. It made my head look oddly shaped and my nose seem even bigger – like my father.

When I was clean, I dried my hair and body with magic so that it would be quicker. I'd learned the hard way that lingering in the communal shower room in a towel was just begging for trouble.

Once I'd dressed, I headed back to my room and packed my bag full of my class supplies, reducing my caldron and scales so that they'd fit, then headed for breakfast, trying my best not to think about Hermione or wonder if she'd talk to me or sit by me today.

I'd just started eating when I heard Lucius' voice behind me. "You look positively mouthwatering this morning, Hermione," he crooned.

I turned my head just enough to see that Lucius was standing between Hermione and me.

"What can I do for you, Lucius?" she sighed impatiently.

"So many things," he said suggestively. "For now, you could sit with me."

"No thanks," she said politely, moving to step around him toward me.

Lucius moved easily to block her path. "You'd seriously rather sit with Snape?" he asked doubtfully.

"I would," she replied, and it actually sounded sincere.

"What does he have that I don't?" he challenged, "Besides an overabundance of nose?"

The barb was unsurprising, but I found myself wondering the same thing and listened intently for her answer.

"A personality?" she came back flatly.

I pressed my lips together to hide my smile though neither of them was looking at me.

"Now you've hurt my feelings, darling," he responded cheekily.

Hermione said nothing for a moment, then she took a half-step forward to close the space between her and Lucius. Almost close enough to press their bodies together, I could hear her whisper something, but I couldn't make it out.

As she stopped talking, I was surprised to see Lucius literally jump away from her. I couldn't see his face, but she just quirked an eyebrow at him before sitting down next to me, tucking her wand back into her sleeve.

"Good morning, Severus," she smiled pleasantly at me.

"Good morning," I nodded back curiously.

I waited until Lucius moved well out of earshot before leaning closer to her. "What did you say to him?" I asked quietly.

"I threatened to curse the family jewels," she said innocently though her eyes sang with mischief.

I snorted in amusement while she sipped at her pumpkin juice. Oh, how I wished I could have seen his face. "You sure know how to pick enemies, Hermione, I'll give you that," I admitted. "The Gryffindor golden boy and the Slytherin prince, and classes haven't even started yet."

She laughed softly as she started filling her plate. "I've already told you what I think of Potter," she reminded me, "and Lucius is just an entitled prat who desperately needs a lesson in manners. Unfortunately, I doubt that he's been dissuaded, but hopefully he'll at least find a more original tactic."

I shook my head in disbelief. Either she was arrogant or foolish enough to not see the obvious threat presented by those two, or she had the courage of a bloody Gryffindor. I wasn't quite sure which I hoped was true.

We ate in comfortable silence, me sneaking looks at her while she let her gaze trail around the room, her expression thoughtful.

"What's your first class?" she asked when it was nearly time to leave.

"Defense," I replied, fishing into my robe pocket for my schedule and perusing it briefly once more.

"You're taking Arithmancy?" she asked curiously, her voice much closer to me than I'd expected.

I turned toward her but forgot what I'd meant to say when her proximity nearly put us nose to nose. My heart took off like a jack rabbit as she smiled sheepishly and drew back from where she'd clearly been reading my schedule over my shoulder.

I swallowed hard and knocked my brain back into some semblance of order. "I like Arithmancy," I admitted, automatically expecting a caustic reply.

"So do I," she smiled, leaning down to her bag and producing her own schedule. She offered it to me.

I looked it over and hid my smile as I saw that we had almost every class together. I liked that even though I was well aware that I was getting in over my head with this girl. "I probably shouldn't be surprised," I noted. "Considering your twelve outstanding OWLs," I smirked, my tone dry.

"You're making fun of me!" she accused, smiling as she cut a sharp elbow into my arm.

"Honestly, I'm jealous," I admitted, rubbing the sore spot and absurdly enjoying the fact that she felt comfortable hitting me.

"Don't be!" she retorted immediately. "I took my OWLs two weeks ago. You probably could have scored the same if you took them now."

I wasn't so sure. While I knew that I'd score outstanding on at least the six classes that I'd taken last year and was returning to this year, I didn't think that I could manage twelve. Still, I let the subject drop since I didn't think she really liked talking about it. It seemed to make her uncomfortable for some strange reason.

I let my eyes return to her schedule. "I can't believe you're taking Ancient Runes as well," I admitted, looking at her seventh class. "Do you have any idea how much work you'll be doing when it gets close to exam time?"

"I'm aware," she shrugged. "I like to study, and I'm not a great fan of too much free time."

I frowned at her, wondering for a moment if she somehow knew those things about me and was deliberately mirroring me. "Neither am I," I admitted, trying to dismiss my silly thoughts. I couldn't imagine a reason in the world that she'd want to maneuver herself close to me. My family wasn't rich or connected and I wasn't popular or attractive. She _must _mean what she'd said.

A grin spread over her face. "We're a perfect pair!" she declared. "Perhaps we could study together."

I smiled uncertainly. "I'd like that," I admitted, hoping I wouldn't regret it.

"Good," she said, snatching her schedule out of my hand and tucking it back into her bag. "Now we'd best be going. I've never met Professor Moody, but I doubt a former auror would be impressed by tardiness."

"True," I conceded, hefting my heavy bag onto my shoulder as I stood.

"You should use a lightening charm on that bag," she noted, eyeing my shoulder where the strap of the book bag was marking its territory.

I frowned and glanced at her bag. I hung so lightly from her that it appeared empty. "I don't know that one," I admitted.

She drew her wand and swirled it in a half circle, high to low, then jerked it upward toward my bag, saying, "_Pinnata pondus_."

The effect was immediate, the weight disappearing from my shoulder. No longer so burdened, I straightened up to my full height and glanced into the bag to see that it was still full. "Thanks," I said, surprised that she'd done that for me. "Where's you learn that one?"

"_All In a Day's Charms_ by Augustus Grippus," she smiled as we started toward the Defense Tower again. "You can borrow it if you like."

"Thanks," I nodded, trying to ignore the feeling that she must have some ulterior motive to her persistent kindness. It didn't seem possible that my life could have taken such a turn for the better as to have someone like her randomly want to be my friend, but part of me was hoping that it was.

* * *

**Okay, two long chapters today. That deserves a review, right?**


	3. A Duel and A Lie

**Author's Note: **Okay, I'm actually more pleased with the way that this chapter turned out than Hermione's. I wonder if you'll agree.

* * *

**A Duel and A Lie**

When we entered the Defense classroom, I chose a table at the front, since most of the people that I despised the most preferred the seats further back.

"Do you mind if I sit here?" Hermione asked and I looked up to see her hesitating next to the chair at my side.

I had no idea why she'd want to sit by me – yet again – but I decided not to ask that question. I probably didn't want to know the answer. "Why would I mind?" I asked instead.

She shrugged, still standing. "I thought you might want to sit by one of your friends from last year."

She said it so innocently.

My mouth twisted with distaste. As though I'd had any friends last year. "No. Please, sit," was all I said.

"Thanks," she smiled, sitting next to me and sliding her book bag onto her lap while I sifted through my own alarmingly light bag to retrieve my text.

She seemed to be having a hard time finding what she was looking for in her own bag, but what caught my eye was that her arm was buried in the bag past her elbow. After a moment, she sighed, took her arm out of the bag, and drew her wand. She tapped the lip of the bag and caught a book that hopped out. She repeated the process to fetch a quill, ink bottle, and parchment, arranging them on the table in front of her before leaning to put the bag on the floor.

"What?" she asked curiously as she finally seemed to notice my scrutiny.

"Did you just _accio_ that out of your bag?" I asked incredulously.

She laughed then, that delicious laugh, and picked her bag up again. She drew the top open and tipped it for me to see.

My eyes widened as I looked into a space at least as large as my school trunk. "An extension charm?" I blinked. "Was that in that book too?" Extension charms were really complicated magic.

"No," she assured me. "That book mostly had basic, everyday charms. I learned extension charms in a more advanced book called _Matters of Space_ by Edward Rivers."

"Silence," the deep, authoritative voice of Professor Moody came from the front of the room. His clearly advanced age did not in any way manage to make him less imposing. I wondered if I would ever be able to command that kind of attention. Yeah, probably not. I was better at blending into the background.

"Welcome to seventh year Advanced Defense Against the Dark Arts," the continued. "In this class, I will tolerate nothing but your complete focus. There is nothing amusing about this class. There is nothing that I will teach you here that is not important. What you learn in this room may save your life one day. What you fail to learn here, may well cost it. I will not hesitate to take your house points without impunity, and I am rather looking forward to giving detentions.

"Keep those things in mind should my lessons seem tedious."

He paused for a moment and his eyes swept over the entire class. It was an effort not to shrink under that gaze. I doubted that even Sirius Black would be stupid enough to slough off in this class. "Then let us begin. Put your books away. You may take notes if you wish, but your books will not be opened in this room this year."

I glanced at Hermione as she was looking at me and she raised her brow. I returned my text to my bag as she did, but we uncapped our ink at almost the same time, preparing to take notes.

"To begin, I would like to get a sense of each of your current skill," Moody went on after we'd had a chance to stow our texts. "To that end, I will duel each of you briefly. There is no need to be alarmed. As I am only assessing your skill, I will not actually be fighting to win. You will approach the front of the room, one at a time alphabetically by your last name to face me. Ashleigh, you're first."

The diminutive Gryffindor girl approached the front of the room and looked at the professor nervously. I had no love for any Gryffindor, but those few who didn't even have the famed courage annoyed me particularly.

The professor stared at her for a moment, waiting, then sighed. "Do you intend to duel me without your wand, child?"

The silly girl jumped and stuffed her hands into her robe, checking at least three pockets before she located it.

Moody turned back to address the class and spoke sharply, "First lesson, and I will say this only once. It should never take you more than one second to draw your wand. I don't care if you're just waking up, sitting down to breakfast, or shopping! Your wand is your life! Anyone who cannot master this lesson by the end of the week need not return to this room."

I glanced at Hermione and noticed that she was trying to repress a smirk. She evidently found the trembling Gryffindor amusing as well.

"I am going to attack you. You are going to defend yourself," Moody continued as if speaking to a rather dim-witted first year. "I will not ask if you are ready or warn you that the attack is coming."

Ashleigh nodded quickly.

"Expelliarmus!" Moody barked and her wand flew from her hand. He sighed in evident annoyance.

Ashleigh looked mortified.

"Do you feel that there is any hope of improving on that or shall we move on?" he asked as she scurried to retrieve her wand.

"I can do better…"

"Expelliarmus!"

"Prot-"

Her wand flew from her hand once more before she could get the word out.

He frowned. "Let's move on."

It was almost painful to watch, even if it was amusing. Hermione, I noticed, no longer looked amused but she didn't look bored either. She was watching everything with that intent focus that I found so intriguing.

"Black!" Moody called while Ashleigh scurried back to her seat, her face crimson with embarrassment. Several Slytherins toward the back laughed.

Both Sirius and Narcissa rose to the summons, glowering resentfully at each other as though personally affronted by the fact that they shared a surname.

"The pretty one!" Moody snapped, pointing to Narcissa.

I wasn't the only Slytherin to laugh at that, and I didn't even like Narcissa that much.

She seemed greatly pleased to be "the pretty one" as she picked her way to the front of the room and drew her wand with dignity – in about one second – from a sheath at her waist.

She held her own a lot better than Ashleigh had, but then, almost anyone in the room probably could. I didn't watch her all that closely, but I kept my eyes on the professor, watching him for tells to predict what he was going to do. I would be up there soon enough and I really didn't need another embarrassing public scene, particularly with Hermione watching.

I hid my smile when he hit her with an impedimenta, ruining her dignified posture as she stumbled and swung her arms wildly to avoid falling.

"The other Black!"

Narcissa returned to her seat, still poised but with a sour twist to her lips.

Sirius strode to the front of the room, whipping his wand out of his pocket with a flourish and striking a pose that made me roll my eyes. He made out about as well as Narcissa, but I tried not to watch him as it only served to further annoy me.

A few more students had their turn, none lasted quite as long as the Black cousins, though most were smart enough to have their wand easily at hand before they reached the front of the room.

"Evans!"

I swallowed and tried not to react visibly as Lily approached the front of the room. She handled herself well, as she always did in everything, lasting a bit longer than anyone else yet had, though she worked hard for it. I couldn't suppress a wince as I watched her get hit. I couldn't believe how strong the impulse still was to protect her.

Ferris and Longbottom took their turns next. I didn't pay that much attention, but my blood rose again when Lupin took his turn. He was the mildest Marauder, but even if he didn't personally torment me, he went right along with the others. I watched with satisfaction when he was hit.

Malfoy was next, strutting to the front of the room, clearly drunk on his own self-importance. It irked me that he was clearly the best to duel so far.

The whinging Wormtail went next, shuffling his way to the front of the room. He attempted to draw his wand and dropped it. I smiled at the look on the professor's face. He was so clearly wondering how that simpering idiot had even gotten into Advanced Defense. Personally, I suspected that the other Marauders had found a way to help him cheat. They couldn't very well go an hour without their rat to worship them.

Pettigrew didn't last any longer than Ashleigh had. Basically long enough for Moody to cast a couple spells. When he was hit by the _impedimenta_, he stumbled back and landed in a sprawl on his fat arse. I chuckled quietly.

"Potter!" he called and the no-longer-green Gryffindor rose, cloaked in his self-assurance, as always. Of course the arrogant git did well – better than Malfoy. He swelled like a peacock under the praise that followed his performance. Just when I was beginning to hate the professor, he redeemed himself entirely by staunchly reminding Potter that he wouldn't last a minute in a real fight against a trained auror.

I smiled and glanced at Hermione to find her smiling back at me, as amused at Potter's abused ego as I was.

"Snape!"

I took a quiet breath and got up.

"Good luck," Hermione called quietly, surprising me, but also boosting my confidence. She actually seemed to mean it. Sometimes she was so nice that I couldn't believe she belonged in Slytherin. Then I recalled Potter in all his bright green glory, and I figured that she'd do just fine.

I drew my wand from my sleeve and focused on the professor, willing myself to stay alert, watch for his tells, and avoid the mistakes the others had made.

I managed to outlast Potter, but not by a lot. In the end, the professor launched several attacks in rapid succession. I deflected, two, three, four, just barely escaped the fifth, and the sixth slammed into me, rocking me back. At least I was able to maintain my balance fairly well.

"Wilkins!" he barked before I could even put my wand away.

I started back toward my seat as Hermione got up. She flashed me a sympathetic smile as she passed me.

As I sat down again, I found that I was nervous for her. She wasn't looking so good. I'd really expected that she'd be good at this after what she'd done to Potter on the train, but she was breathing pretty heavily as she drew her wand from her sleeve. She was new to the school though. This was the first time she'd been put on the spot in front of her classmates.

"_Expelliarmus_!" Moody called.

Hermione reacted with amazing speed despite her evident nerves. Her wand rose straight up like a _protego_, but she cut it to the side at the last second. She didn't say anything.

The spell bounced off her wand and zipped back toward the professor, who silently blocked it. Moody immediately left his dueling stance, standing up straight and lowering his wand as he looked at Hermione.

I looked back at her too and I noticed that her breathing was even heavier and she looked like she'd started sweating. Her hands shook and her wand trembled.

I frowned in concern.

"Are you okay?" Moody asked her warily.

She nodded stiffly.

The professor eyed her a moment longer, then turned back to the class. "Did anyone catch what she just did? It was something that no one else in this room even attempted."

A few hands went up but I wasn't paying that much attention. I was watching Hermione as she slowly seemed to calm down.

"She used a nonverbal spell," Malfoy answered the professor's question.

"Yes, she did," Moody agreed. "Nonverbals are considerably more difficult, but extremely useful, as you saw. By foregoing the verbal component of the spell, Miss Wilkins was able to react much more quickly. What else did she do?"

"She reflected the spell instead of merely deflecting it," Lily answered.

"That's right, Miss Evans. While either one will protect you, reflection sends the spell back on the caster, forcing him to protect himself instead of attacking you again immediately." Moody turned back to Hermione and I noticed that she seemed to have calmed down even if she wasn't anything close to relaxed.

After a moment, the professor set himself again.

Hermione responded by taking her stance. Unlike the overly dramatic stances that most of our classmates had used, hers was simple. Feet apart, one a bit behind the other to provide better balance, her arms and shoulders loose, wand held at ready just above her elbow. Hers looked like a real dueling stance rather than an exhibition stance.

"_Expelliarmus_!" he called again.

She reacted as she had the first time, reflecting it with minimal movement of her wand or body. Moody deflected his own spell and immediately launched an _impedimenta_.

They went back and forth at least twice as long as I had lasted, then he really started to pick up speed, sending the spells at her rapidly as had foiled me. She finally began to really move. She deflected, blocked, and reflected the spells that came at her, snaking back and forth to dodge every now and then, which I noticed was buying her enough time to avoid being overwhelmed by the rapid slew of attacks.

The way that she moved entranced me. Rather than desperately dodging as I'd likely have done, she moved only as much as was absolutely necessary, allowing the spells to brush by her, missing by just a breath. She didn't seem to be giving into the nerves this time, her eyes staying clear and focused on the professor.

I'm sure I wasn't the only one who had to pick up his jaw when Moody started throwing nonverbals at her. Incredibly, she held out against them, her eyes on his intently enough that I wondered if she wasn't actually using Legilimency.

After a moment, the pace increased even further so that I could barely even follow what was happening in the silent battle. Still, she held out. She was obviously getting more desperate as she barely avoided spell after spell.

And then Moody just stopped, lifting his wand to her in a salute.

She continued to stare at him, her chest heaving from the intensity of the fight. She looked like she was ready for him to start up again, but Moody just stared at her for a moment, then spoke loudly. "That's all for today," he announced to the class without looking away from Hermione. "You're dismissed."

I took my time putting my things away as the rest of the class silently packed up and started for the door. The silence was eerie.

Hermione finally tucked her wand away and started quickly toward me, her eyes still a little wide.

"A word, Miss Wilkins," Moody called, stopping her just as she reached the table.

I studied her with concern. I really wanted to talk to her, but it would have to wait. "I'll see you in potions," I offered before leaving with the rest of the class.

Once out of the room, I noticed, the students had begun to talk – rather exuberantly. I heard her name mentioned several times, and a couple people seemed to be acting out the way she'd moved. Remus had his head bent toward Sirius and they were talking quietly. James was so deep in thought he looked constipated and Lily looked concerned for him.

With an annoyed sneer, I turned my attention toward the Slytherins. They were the loudest group, eagerly going on about their "new girl". Adrian was claiming that he'd fallen in love and Dante appeared to by trying to mimic one of her blocking maneuvers. Lucius, however, was ignoring them entirely for once. He looked deep in thought, one manicured fingernail running unconsciously across his lower lip over and over again. That look concerned me a bit considering the way he'd been pursuing her so blatantly.

The scene quieted a bit as students began to branch off toward other classed, but my Potions class contained many of the students from the Defense class. When we entered the potions' lab, Adrian began immediately and boisterously relaying Hermione's duel to the other Slytherins while Sirius took up the same duty with the Gryffindors..

I sat down at my desk with a sigh, concerned for why Moody had kept Hermione behind. Surely she couldn't be in trouble. She'd done exactly what he'd told us to do. She'd just been the only one to do it really well. She couldn't possibly get into trouble for being too good. Right?

I scolded myself for caring so much, but I couldn't stop seeing her face when she'd wished me good luck like she actually cared. She'd care if I was in trouble. Right? I kind of thought that she would. Granted, it most likely wouldn't last. I was the only person that she knew in a new school, so it made perfect sense that she was hanging around me, but that couldn't last. After today, she was going to get much more popular very quickly, and that would probably be the end of her sitting with me at meals or going out of her way to talk to me.

With a sigh, I tried to focus on the class as Slughorn began the lesson, but much of my attention was on the fact that Hermione hadn't yet arrived. I didn't seem to be the only one either. There was an almost constant buzz of voices behind me while Slughorn went over today's potion, and I heard her name mentioned more than once.

We were just about ready to get started on the potion when Hermione arrived, announced by Slughorn bellowing her name jovially.

"Sorry, sir," she said immediately. "Professor Moody kept me after class."

"Not getting into trouble, I hope," he smiled fondly.

"No, sir," she assured him, her lips twisting into a smile that didn't touch her eyes.

"Well, I'm sure that Severus can fill you in on what you've missed," he offered, gesturing toward me as I was the only one in the room without a partner. I'd worked alone all of last year as there had been an odd number of students. That had suited me just fine, but I definitely preferred this. I was eager to find out if she was actually good with potions.

She slid into the chair next to me and smiled warmly. It did reach her eyes this time, though she still looked troubled. "So what are we doing?" she asked brightly while she summoned supplies out of her bag and enlarged some of them.

I couldn't help but glance around the room. Everyone was staring at her. "Langdon's Lament," I offered, turning my attention back to her and trying to ignore the staring as she was. "It protects against or cures most poisons." It didn't matter that I hadn't been listening to Slughorn. I knew the potion as well as any that we'd study this year.

"Excellent," she said over-enthusiastically. "Let's get to work."

I soon lost myself in the brewing, though I did occasionally notice that Hermione was watching me with a slightly unnerving kind of intensity. She was clearly good at potions as well, but she proved to be accustomed to following the recipes exactly when she objected to a minor adjustment that I made. "It's better this way," I explained quietly and she subsided. I made a few small adjustments to the way the ingredients were prepared, then modified the stirring just slightly as necessary while I watched the potion develop.

Brewing was second-nature to me. It was something that had always come easily, and one talent on which I had always prided myself. While I was brewing, I felt that I was exceptional. It was the one facet of my life in which I could actually believe that.

Slughorn examined our potion first, as we were the first group to finish. He inspected it for color, viscosity, and scent, and then cast his diagnostic charm before laughing heartily – as he always did – and declaring that it was "better than he could have made it", which he also did quite often. I tried to convince myself that he wasn't just pandering to me. I wasn't entirely successful.

Still, it was worth it when Hermione beamed at me. I smiled back, hoping that she didn't notice my blush, but hoping even more that no one else in the room noticed it.

She spent the rest of the class going on in detail about everything that I had done with the potion and how impressed she was by it. The manner of her compliments were enough to convince me that she definitely knew what she was talking about. She just needed to learn that recipes were more of a guideline than a rule.

She was remarking on the way that I had stirred the potion when we left the class, but was cut short when Sirius Black swept into our path.

"Please don't hex me, love!" he said quickly to Hermione, holding up his hands as though in surrender. "I just wanted to say that I thought your display in Defense was absolutely beautiful!" he leered. "I've never seen wand work like that before."

Then the git swung around to her side opposite me and threw his arm around her shoulders like they were old friends – or dating. "I know of a little place we can sneak away to if you'd deign to show me some of your tricks," he said suggestively.

I was considering what hex to throw at the prat when Hermione responded, her voice a soft purr that I was already beginning to realize was dangerous.

"Oh, we don't have to go anywhere, Sirius Black. I can show you a few tricks right here," she offered. I hadn't seen her draw her wand, but it was now unmistakably pressing into the flesh under Black's chin.

I suppressed my smile while I watched Sirius cough nervously. "Ah, yes," he muttered, his stupid smile strained. "Perhaps later, love."

"Oh, count on it," she threatened in that luscious purr.

He swallowed hard and carefully removed his arm from her before disappearing into the crowd with remarkable speed.

I was shaking my head slowly when she glanced over at me. "I love how you're always so pleasant about it even as you torment them," I admitted.

"Honestly?" she grimaced, "If I didn't keep smiling, I'd probably lose my temper. As satisfying as it would be to see the lot of them in the hospital wing, I'm not all that fond of detentions."

"Good to know," I nodded. "I'll make sure I'm far away if you ever look seriously angry." And I meant it. After watching her performance in Defense, I was certain that Hermione Wilkins was not a woman I wanted to duel.

She smiled at me.

I hesitated a moment before broaching the subject of those intriguing skills. "That _was_ pretty amazing, what you did in Defense," I said quietly, looking straight ahead instead of at her. I wasn't sure how she'd react to the topic.

She just sighed, "Yeah, I got a little carried away."

"Carried away?" I asked in surprise. "You did exactly what we were supposed to do. You defended yourself. And a lot better than the rest of us," I noted, wondering if I'd ever get to that level of skill. I was extremely studious, powerful, and I had thought myself quite talented. I'd been rather proud of myself after my duel. Then I'd watched her and seen exactly how much work I still needed.

She nodded without speaking.

"Where did you learn all that?" I asked warily as we ascended to the ground floor and started toward the greenhouses for Herbology.

"I had some really good teachers," she said quietly. "And I've had some experience."

"What kind of experience?" I wondered.

She hesitated for a moment before she started to speak quietly, her tone subdued. "My parents were killed last spring, Severus," she said as we left the castle for the bright light of the sunny day.

My jaw dropped briefly before I could screw it shut again. I definitely had not been expecting that, though it did explain how she could see thestrals. "I'm sorry," I said sincerely.

Her teeth dug into her lower lip and her eyes became slightly glassy as she stared at the grass under her feet.

I kept my mouth shut, not daring to say another word.

"I'm a half-blood," she continued after a moment.

I didn't say anything, but I studied her with interest. As if I needed any more reason to feel kinship to this girl, now I found out that she was a half-blood too.

"My mother married a muggle, and we've always lived mostly in the muggle world, restricting magic to behind closed doors and on our infrequent trips into the wizarding world." She spoke quietly, still not looking at me. "We were attacked last summer. By Death Eaters."

My heart all but stopped. Death Eaters had murdered her parents? "Death Eaters?" I heard myself say quietly. Merlin, I'd been thinking of _joining_ them! A good number of the people in my house had parents or other relatives who were Death Eaters and they'd made it sound so… prestigious. But they were out _murdering _people? Families like Hermione's? I mean, of course I'd known that they weren't necessarily "good" people, but… _Hermione's_ parents? Suddenly it didn't sound glamorous at all. It sounded… evil. Sweet Merlin, what if I'd already joined them? She'd hate me! Worse, what if I'd been with them when they went after her family? What if I had been at least partially responsible for the pain in those gold-flecked eyes?

"Mother and I fought," I heard her continuing and I tried to focus on her. "Both my parents were killed. I killed one of them before I escaped."

I had absolutely no idea what to say. She'd fought Death Eaters? _That_ was her experience with defensive spells? She'd _killed _one of them before escaping? This girl who seemed innocent half the time and playfully mischievous the rest had _killed _someone? "Just because your mother married a muggle?" I breathed in disbelief. They'd attacked her for that? By that reasoning, _I_ was fair game as well.

"They called her a blood traitor."

"She was pureblood?!" I gaped. _My _mother was a pureblood!

"From Australia. Her family's not known around here. We left because she wanted to get away from her family. I was too little to remember them much."

How had I ever considered joining them? They'd be as likely to kill me on sight as let me be part of their organization. Their organization that _murdered_ people for no good reason! At least, that was assuming that what she said was true, but I couldn't begin to understand why she'd make something like that up. And that pain in her eyes was real.

And part of me _knew _that the Death Eaters were like that. Great Gods, it was so much different to hear this from her than it had been to think of it in the abstract. To know that they killed people and to know that they'd taken loved ones from Hermione were two completely different things. Merlin, this changed… everything.

"Come on. We'll be late," I heard Hermione say and then her hand was on my elbow and I allowed her to lead me toward the greenhouse while I tried to wrap my mind around her astounding story.

~.~.{o}.~.~

My daze lasted all through class and it wasn't until we were leaving that I snapped out of it when Hermione quietly asked, "Are you okay?"

I blinked at her. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"You've been really quiet and kind of distracted since… Since I told you about my parents. I didn't mean to upset you-"

"Upset _me_?" I asked incredulously. "_I'm_ the one who's sorry! I'm sorry that I made you talk about that-"

"It's okay," she said quickly. "Really. You didn't force me to tell you. I'm perfectly capable of evading or ignoring a question, Severus."

I frowned at that. She was right, of course. Hermione wasn't the kind of girl to be coerced into anything that she didn't want to do. "Right," I said quietly. "I know that. I just… That's just so… horrible."

She nodded quietly, then said, "Look, I don't want to talk about it anymore. Let's just go have lunch, okay?"

"Okay," I agreed, and we walked all the way into the Great Hall without saying another word.

It wasn't until we were sitting down to eat that I realized that Lucius hadn't said a word to Hermione since breakfast and Potter and his cronies hadn't bothered me at all. They were afraid of Hermione, I realized. I didn't blame them. I wouldn't want to be on her bad side. A glance down the table toward Lucius revealed him studying her silently with that same pensive look he'd worn right after class. Merlin, I was going to have to keep my eyes on him.

We didn't talk much over lunch as I was still lost in thought about Hermione's story. I was still trying to adjust my view of the world to fit with what she'd made me realize. The Death Eaters were wrong. Killing people for no good reason, was wrong. They'd killed her parents. If she wasn't so good with Defense, _she'd _have likely been killed. This beautiful, spirited, kind young woman would have been dead. For what? Blood status? Because her mother had made the mistake of marrying a muggle? I didn't necessarily agree with the practice considering the way it had turned out for my mother and me, but at the very worst that should be taken out on the witch or wizard who did the actual marrying. Not their children, for Merlin's sake!

I sat down next to her when we arrived in the Charms room, and the class slowly managed to draw me out of my introspection. By the time we were given a chance to practice at the end, I felt like my mind might be back to something like its old acuity, even if I didn't think I'd ever fully recover from learning how close I'd let myself come to joining that particular group.

I turned to Hermione, feeling considerably lighter all of a sudden. I'd loathed group projects in any class since Lily had stopped partnering with me in third and fourth year. For the first time in a long time, I found my partner smiling at me.

"You were listening to the lecture, right?" she teased with a hint of real concern in her gorgeous eyes.

In response, I flicked my wand at her face and quietly spoke the charm we'd been learning all lesson.

She started slightly and I watched as the color bled out of her irises. I picked up the little mirror that had been provided for the lesson and turned it toward her.

She looked at it warily and her eyes widened almost comically when she saw the pure white of her irises.

"That's horrible!" she scolded, punching me lightly on the shoulder. "Pick something else!"

I couldn't help but smirk. Was I really so much of a masochist to actually enjoy her hitting me? Evidently, I was.

I cast the charm again and her eyes returned to the mirror. She grinned as the color darkened to emerald green.

"Well, you made my eyes white, shall I make yours black?" she smirked.

"Clever," I said in as bored a tone as I could manage. I couldn't completely remove my smirk though. Her joke wasn't really funny, but I still liked it that she was joking with me.

"Yes, I know," she waved airily.

I was just beginning to roll my eyes at her when she flicked her wand at me without opening her lips. Did the girl _ever _vocalize her spells?! I was pretty sure the only time I'd seen her verbally cast a spell had been the lightening charm, which she'd clearly been teaching me.

I turned the mirror toward my face, ready for anything. Lemon yellow. It was… well, hideous would be a kind description, though she'd clearly worked the charm as she'd planned if her smirk was any indication. I opened my mouth to snap at her for the color as she had done me, but then she flicked her wand with another silent spell. I looked at the mirror again and relaxed when I found my eyes darkening to midnight blue. It didn't look terrible, but it didn't look right either.

The next several minutes were spent in an entertaining game of trying to one-up each other for most obnoxious color. When Professor Flitwick came to check on us, my eyes were an atrocious brilliant pink and hers were the most offensive vomit green I'd been able to imagine. He smiled and continued on.

Before the class ended, she made my eyes a mirror of her natural color, so I returned the favor. I examined myself in the mirror and quickly decided that the color looked much better on her. My color certainly did not fit her. She was altogether too warm a person for black eyes.

We were still discussing some of the more memorable colors – mine had been rainbow at one point – when she entered the Transfigurations room. The frowning countenance of Professor McGonagall was enough to quiet us.

"Look," Hermione whispered, leaning close enough to me that I could pick up the subtle rose scent on her hair. "Lucius again," she smirked. "Smashing." I wasn't sure I'd ever heard anyone put that much sarcasm into a whisper.

I chuckled when I was pretty sure that no one was looking and we claimed a table right at the front of the room. Not surprisingly, no one else was in a hurry to take those seats, particularly in this class.

We settled our books onto the desk with quill and parchment, and I couldn't help but notice that she didn't once grimace about it and appeared fully ready to begin taking notes. It was ridiculous how much we seemed to share academically. As badly as I felt about what had happened to her parents, I couldn't help feeling grateful that she'd come to Hogwarts this year. I wondered if that gratitude would last. I still believed that she'd surely come to find better friends soon, but I was starting to wonder if these first few days might be enough to make me grateful anyway. I mean, I wasn't sorry that I'd met Lily, despite the way that had worked out…

McGonagall's starting the class interrupted my drifting thoughts and I made an effort to focus and take coherent notes while Hermione quickly began to cover her parchment in her small, neat hand.

For the practical portion at the end of the class, we each collected an old teacup and were tasked with transfiguring it into something of our choosing. The challenge was to figure out how to do that.

I stared at my cup for a minute, considering the spell I would need, then muttered it quietly. I smiled when the ceramic cup became a silver dagger. The size was similar, but the changing from ceramic to silver was rather complex. I was pretty satisfied with the result.

"Nice," I heard Hermione say and glanced over to see her smiling at me. Her cup was still a cup.

"What are you going to do?" I wondered.

She frowned, evidently irritated. "I don't know. That's why I haven't done it yet," she muttered. She stared a moment longer and I realized that McGonagall was watching her expectantly.

Hermione waved her wand in a complex little flourish and her cup transformed into a small music box, tinkling out a tune that was familiar though I couldn't quite place it.

I realized that my mouth had fallen open and quickly closed it. She'd just…

"Very good, Miss Wilkins," McGonagall interrupted my thoughts as she approached us. She picked up the little music box and examined it. "Very impressive detail, several different materials, and clock-work gears." She looked at Hermione with a rare smile. "And you did it nonverbally," she added more quietly.

Hermione's cheeks pinked immediately. "I'm sorry," she said in a rush. "I've been practicing nonverbal magic all summer. I didn't even think about it-"

"Oh, don't apologize, Miss Wilkins," McGonagall interrupted, sounding vaguely scandalized by the very idea. "It was very impressive."

She put the box back on the table and frowned toward the back of the room before hurrying in that direction, her tone once more whip sharp as she began scolding someone.

I looked at Hermione's music box for a minute, then frowned at my suddenly ridiculous little dagger. McGonagall hadn't even looked at it.

"Sorry," I heard Hermione say quietly. "I really wasn't trying to make you look bad or anything."

I glanced at her and she looked sincere – didn't she always? – but that didn't make my dagger any less pathetic. I returned my attention to it and tried to work out a more impressive spell. After a minute or two of mental calculations, I tried again.

This time, the dagger became a miniature stand up clock. "Now that's clockwork gears," I smiled with satisfaction.

I glanced at Hermione to see her grinning hugely at me. I realized that she didn't look like she was proud of me for doing such a good job, like she was my bloody teacher or something. No, she just looked happy. I found myself smiling too. I shrugged self-consciously, and admitted, "I've been at the top of this class for six years. You're really going to make me work for it though."

She laughed quietly, "Okay, how about this. Let's study together, and we'll see if we can tie for first."

I huffed a surprised laugh. "Slytherins don't generally try to _tie_, if we can win," I informed her.

"From what I've heard, Slytherins don't generally have many good friends either," she said pointedly. "So instead of competing all year until we hate each other, let's work together."

I leaned back a little and studied her warily. Was she just saying that or did she really mean it? Did she really want to be my friend? Experience told me that that was unlikely. Lucius had done something similar our first couple of years – when he'd needed help with homework. But Hermione wouldn't actually _need _my help. In all the classes we'd shared thus far, she'd proven at least highly competent. Considerably better than me in Defense and she'd clearly picked this lesson up more quickly. We'd been on pretty even footing in Charms.

"And if we share our strengths instead of coveting them, we'll both be even better. We may graduate with the highest scores in a hundred years," she continued after a moment.

Okay, that made more sense to me. A mutually beneficial partnership. I could work with that. Granted, the way she'd said it made it sound almost like an olive branch. Like she was trying to manipulate me into working with her. But if her real reason wasn't to benefit us both, then what _was _her real reason? Just my company? Right.

I couldn't decide if she was a terrible Slytherin or a brilliant one.

"Oh, my," McGonagall's voice interrupted as she neared us again. This time though, I was pleased to see, she was looking at _my _work. "This is very nice work, Mr. Snape. Ten points to Slytherin for each of you for superb work."

I couldn't help but smile. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all. I offered Hermione my hand and she shook it with a smile.

* * *

**Okay, I stayed up really late to get this done, and it ended up ridiculously long. Severus had a lot on his mind in this chapter! Please review? :-D**


	4. A Friend?

**Author's Note: **All right, let's have a look at Severus' take on the first day of the term...

* * *

**A Friend?**

"You've got a free period now, right?" I asked as we left the Transfigurations room, mostly just because I wasn't sure what else to say. Every time I tried to walk away from her, she followed me.

She nodded.

"Where are you off to?" I asking, hoping I sounded casual.

"I was thinking of heading back to my room to do some reading," she replied readily enough.

I nodded. I supposed that I could go to the library. There was always something interesting to read there.

"Why don't you come with me?"

I looked at her with surprise. Had I heard that right? Did she just invite me to her room? Why would she do that?

"You could borrow those books I mentioned earlier," she continued.

I nodded. She _had _offered to borrow me books, so I supposed that made sense. It still seemed a bit odd that she'd invite me to her room though. Well, she clearly didn't seem to think it was a big deal, so I tried not to read anything into it.

I spent the whole walk down to the common room trying to do just that. I'd never been invited to a girl's room before, but it wasn't like _that_. I was just borrowing books, for Merlin's sake.

She opened her door and preceded me into the room. I followed warily and my eyes widened at the room I stepped inside. It shocked me so much that I forgot to feel awkward.

Her room was at least four times the size of mine with a spacious bed and an inviting sofa. The walls were beautifully paneled and the ceiling… It was painted to look like the sky and spelled with clouds moving across it. "Bloody hell," I breathed in disbelief. Is this what all the girl's rooms were like? How was _that _fair? "My room is tiny."

I finally looked at Hermione again and saw that she was blushing faintly.

"This was too," she admitting as she turned toward her book shelf packed with tiny books. She picked one and enlarged it, offering it to me. "I expanded it, and the bed, transfigured some of the furniture, and used charms to decorate."

"It's really impressive," I admitted. I couldn't decide if I was more impressed by her skills or jealous of them. I didn't think on it too long since she'd given me _Matters of Space_ and now all I could think about was learning those expansion charms. I sat down on her sofa and started leafing through the book.

"Thanks," I heard her say, and then she sat on the other side of the sofa with another book.

I'd been reading for at least half an hour when a question occurred to me. I lifted my head to ask her, but she'd lifted her book and its open cover was between me and her face. My eyes widened as I read the ominous title.

"The Power and Pitfalls of Darkness?" I asked warily.

She looked at me with wide, innocent eyes and nodded. "That's right."

"I honestly wouldn't have taken you for one to be interested in… that sort of thing," I admitted, shaking my head slowly.

Her face fell into something just short of a scowl, "And why not?" she asked quietly. "Because _Avada Kedavra_ killed my mother?"

My stomach instantly plummeted, landing somewhere near my toes and I thought I might have been blushing for saying something so stupid. But she _was _reading a book that sounded suspiciously dark.

Her scowl fell away, and she continued before I could form the biting comment that I suddenly wanted to make. "Sometimes the dark arts are necessary," she explained, her tone softer. "You can't always fight dark wizards with stunning spells. When they're trying to kill you, you try to kill them right back. Believe me."

I looked down at my book again without really seeing it, thinking over what she'd said. She clearly had an interest in the dark arts. By her words, she'd even used them. I'd always been fascinated by the power of the dark arts, though I'd come to question that since her confession earlier. I'd come to question a lot of things about myself. But she didn't seem to think that the dark arts were _inherently _evil. Not if she would consider using them.

"Even when you're not using dark magic, the more you know about it, the better," she continued and I returned my eyes to hers, watching her eyes while she spoke. They looked so… genuine.

"It helps to know what to expect – what someone might try to do to you, and hopefully how to deal with it if it happens," she explained, her tone becoming more brisk, reminding me strangely of McGonagall's lecturing tone. "I've never used the Unforgiveables myself and I won't use dark magic unless I feel that I have no other choice, but I will be prepared." That very last was said with the determination of a vow. Would I ever stop finding new layers to this woman?

I nodded, unsure of what I could possibly say to that. When she didn't seem to expect a reply, I let my eyes return to my book, trying to focus on the words. It took a bit of an effort, but the allure of new spells eventually drew my attention back to my reading.

I didn't look up again until she stood.

"I need to get to my last class," she explained and I nodded. I'd nearly forgotten that she had another class today. I was surprised to discover that we'd spent an hour reading together, mostly in silence. I'd never known anyone that could sit and read for that long without feeling the need to talk or move or something as a distraction. Well, no one except for me.

I tried to give her the book I'd been reading, but she instead placed another book on top of it. _All In A Day's Charms_, I realized. She told me that I could hang onto them as long as I wanted since she had most of them memorized anyway.

Thanks to this, I was in a bit of a daze as we left her room. The last time anyone had borrowed me a personal book had been Lily in fourth year. I still couldn't understand why she was being so nice to me. I couldn't see any real gain in it for her. She hadn't asked me to tutor her in potions – truthfully, she didn't need that much help, even in that class. She hadn't asked me for anything really, except to study together, and that seemed mutually beneficial. Was she setting me up for something?

"I have to meet with Professor Moody after Ancient Runes, but I'll see you at dinner," she said when we were in the common room, drawing me from my contemplations.

"Did you get in trouble this morning?" I wondered. Surely Moody couldn't have penalized her for doing _too_ well.

"No, nothing like that," she said breezily, still walking slowly toward the door. "He just said that he wanted to talk to me."

I nodded since she clearly had to get going. Once she saw it, she turned on her heel and left the room quickly.

I returned to my own room with my borrowed books. Lingering in the common room had never been good for me. It just gave Lucius and his cronies more opportunity to sling insults at me or throw hexes my way as soon as I became distracted.

I'd thought that, if I became a Death Eater, maybe I'd get some respect from them, but at what cost? Even if the Great Lord did accept me – which I was much more uncertain about today than I had been yesterday – would power _or _respect be worth the price? Suddenly, I was thinking that it probably wouldn't.

By dinner time, I'd nearly made it all the way through _Matters of Space_, and I'd succeeded in expanding the inside of my book bag. Between Hermione's lightening charm and the expansion charm, I wouldn't have to be making trips back to my room to change out books all day anymore. I could carry everything that I needed with me all the time.

I was feeling rather pleased as I made my way up to the Great Hall for dinner. I'd succeeded with the charm on the first try. It was because I was lost in those thoughts that I didn't notice the trap until it was too late.

My foot caught on the magical web as I paced swiftly down the hall and I tripped. Luckily, I'd gotten good at falling over the years. I tucked myself up and managed to roll out of the tumble rather than sprawling across the floor and likely breaking my nose – again. I managed to come back to my feet, minus my bag, and maintain my balance, my wand already drawn as I spun on the retreating laughter as Sirius ducked into the next corridor. By the sound of their howling, all four of them had been present.

Snarling irritably, I scooped up my bag without putting up my wand and forced myself to not go after them. That would just end with me and maybe one or two of them in the hospital wing and likely a month's worth of detentions. I'd been there before. Foul Gryffindors. Dumbledore always favored them and their stupid doe eyes. Like I was idiot enough to attack the four of them without provocation.

I was in a terrible mood when I finally threw myself down at the dining table and began to fill my plate. I'd controlled my fall well, but I could feel that I'd skinned my elbows inside my robe – the fact that no blood was coming through yet proved that I was indeed getting a little better at that – and my shoulder was sore from where I'd landed on it.

I was well into the throws of a righteous mope when Hermione plopped down right next to me, her curls bouncing around her shoulders and enveloping me in that maddening fragrance. "Did you miss me?" she chirped cheerfully.

"Honestly, I spent the last two hours weeping," I frowned at her.

A laugh of great amusement bubbled up out of her, soaking into me with the scent of her hair and the light that danced in her eyes. I felt my grim mood melt right out of me in the face of such warmth as this amazing witch, for some unfathomable reason, saw fit to direct toward me. I managed a small smirk in response.

"How'd it go with Professor Moody?" I asked curiously as she turned her attention to the food as though she was starving.

"Well, we won't be having Defense together anymore," she said thoughtfully while she filled her plate.

"Did he kick you out of the class?!" I demanded, unsure if I was offended by the idea or just really annoyed that it was one less hour a day I would see her.

"In a manner of speaking," she shrugged. "He's going to give me private lessons in the afternoon."

That drew me up short. "Private lessons? Why?"

She took a long drink of the milk she'd just poured for herself, then shrugged again. "He's trying to convince me to enter auror training when I graduate, so he's started me on a sort of _advanced _Advanced Defense."

Well, I supposed that wasn't entirely surprising. Moody was a former auror, and Hermione was kind a freak when it came to dueling. I voiced those thoughts a bit less crassly. "I guess that makes sense. You did kind of put the rest of us to shame this morning."

Her cheeks reddened and she kept her attention on her plate as she started to eat.

I could not understand why being freakishly good at something would embarrass her. I took pride in my skill with potions. The only time that compliments about it bothered me was when they came from Slughorn, because I had a hard time believing they were genuine.

Wait, could she think that I wasn't genuine? Could she think that I was pandering to her?

I decided to leave that subject alone for now until I could figure out why she acted like that every time I brought it up.

"So why are you taking Ancient Runes?" I asked, eager to change the subject.

She smiled now. "Believe it or not, the ability to read ancient runes has come in handy a few times."

I wasn't sure what to make of that comment. She said that as though she considered it a vital skill. I probably should have been taking the class as well, just as an easy credit, since I'd learned ancient runes as a kid digging through my mother's neglected bookshelves. I didn't need more essays to write though. Not when I was trying to stay at the top of all my other classes.

She laughed, probably at my expression. "Honestly, Severus," she chastised. "I've figured out that you respect the value of books. You can't find a translation for every book, and the ones you do find are always iffy. It's impossible to know the accuracy of the translations, and translation spells aren't any better, particularly when it comes to ancient runes. The runes carry a magic of their own, which makes the translation spells go a bit haywire…"

I stared at her in wonder as she went on with passion about a subject which was clearly important to her. Everything that she said was true, and I actually agreed with her, but it was difficult to pay attention to her words when I was so distracted by the fiery glow sparking in her eyes.

"What?" she finally demanded.

I shook my head slowly and tried to explain why I was smirking at her like an idiot without saying anything about her eyes. "You just sounded a lot like I do when talking about potions."

She shrugged self-consciously and I suddenly got the sense that she'd been mocked for that fire before. I wished that I knew who'd done it because I had a few choice hexes in mind for them.

"I like it," I assured her. I didn't even care that my cheeks were heating up when I saw her little smile as she looked up at me through long lashes.

"Thank you," she said quietly. "Most people find it annoying when I go on about something like that."

Seeing that she believed me, I couldn't resist teasing her just a bit. "Oh, you are quite annoying." I winced when her sharp elbow hit my bruised one, but tried not to let her know that I was hurt. I kind of liked it when she did that, and I did not want to tell her about the Marauder's little joke. "But you've been putting up with me all day, so I suppose I can overlook it," I finished with a smile.

She sighed and looked at me with deep, earnest eyes that convinced me that she'd picked up on what I'd thought was hidden beneath that comment. "Severus, you're my only friend in this whole ruddy school," she said sincerely.

I felt my eyes widen. She considered me a friend? Not just someone to pass time with or someone smart enough to actually make a decent study partner, but a… friend? She really looked like she meant it, but we'd barely known each other more than a day. Why would she be so quick to name _me _a friend? I wasn't popular or wealthy or even passably attractive.

"You have no idea how bad my Ancient Runes class was," she went on in that same earnest tone. "Everyone was staring at me and no one talked to me at all."

I felt my frown deepen. How could no one else see how completely amazing this witch was? She was beautiful and cunning, powerful and… kind.

She turned back to her food and I sighed quietly.

"You are a bit intimidating," I ventured. "I'm sure you'll make plenty of friends once people get to know you." There was no doubt in my mind that she would.

She seemed to give it a moment of thought before saying quietly, "I'm not so sure. I'm really not that much fun. I spend most of my free time reading or doing homework."

I didn't know how to respond to that. I thought she was a lot of fun. We talked and even joked – something that I'd nearly forgotten I was able to do. We'd sat and read next to each other for an hour and it had been so comfortable. Granted, I supposed that a lot of people wouldn't consider that part "fun".

For the first time since she entered Slughorn's compartment on the train, I started to wonder if maybe we actually _could _be friends. Maybe it wasn't so ridiculous an idea. Maybe we had more in common than I'd thought.

I hardly noticed that the rest of the meal passed in silence until we were getting up to leave.

"Where are you headed now?" I asked lightly, trying to ignore the urge to glue myself to her side and stay there forever. Gods, what was wrong with me?

"I don't know," she shrugged. "I think I'd just like to be alone for a little while. I lived alone all summer, so I guess I'm just used to it."

"Okay," I nodded, hoping that she couldn't see how let down I felt. "I'll see you at breakfast?"

"Who else would I sit with?" she smirked.

I tried to smile in return, wondering if that had been just a joke or her way of pointing out that I really was her only option. Doubt began to gnaw at me again. She'd said that I was her only friend. I'd chosen to focus on the last word, but that had probably been a mistake.

I turned and headed for the dungeons before she could see something embarrassing on my face.

Despite my normal penchant for avoiding the common room, I found myself taking my book back out there and settling myself in a chair in the corner. I'd be careful not to let my guard down enough for anyone to sneak up on me, but I stupidly wanted to wait for Hermione to come back. I wasn't sure why it mattered, but it did.

The hours wound on and I started to wonder if I should be concerned or just irritated when she hadn't returned by curfew. When everyone else had retired to their private rooms, I moved to the sofa and sprawled myself across it, trying to keep my mind on the charms' book.

Just when I was in danger of dozing off, the door slid open and I started when I glanced over and saw no one there. There was a sound though, almost like a sigh. My hand went to my wand, but I paused. "Hermione?" I asked cautiously.

She trickled into view with a smile on her delicious lips. "How'd you know?" she asked curiously as she moved to join me on the sofa just like we were dear old friends.

"You're the only Slytherin I know that can disappear that well," I admitted, then added, "You're also the only one I know of that's out after curfew."

She smirked, "That makes sense."

I found myself wondering how smiles came so easily to her. After what she'd gone through in losing her parents, I'd have thought she'd be more like me in that way. I could only guess that her personality was simply incorruptibly bright.

"Where were you?" I wondered, trying to keep my question light even though I was irritated that she'd been gone so long.

"I went for a run," she shrugged, as though that was the most normal thing in the world.

"A run?" I asked incredulously.

"Yes. A run," she laughed.

"Why?" I had to ask.

"Because you can't count on magic for everything," she said as though I was being particularly simple. "Sometimes you just have to run, and if that time ever comes, you'd better hope you can run fast."

"Sounds like a lesson," I noted curiously.

"One of my tutors," she nodded. "He was a very smart man and he always knew what he was talking about."

"There aren't many wizards who would endorse doing things the muggle way," I said uncertainly. "My mother would say there's a spell for everything the muggles can do." At least, that's what she would have said. Back when she used to talk.

"Running for your life is universal," she pointed out. "All the spells in the world won't do you any good if you're wandless or your magic is otherwise inhibited."

"True," I admitted curiously. I'd never really thought of it like that.

She stood and stretched her hands over her head, arching her back.

I found my eyes drawn to her chest and my mouth went terribly dry. Merlin, the girl was bloody perfect.

I struggled to return my eyes to her face when she was done stretching. She muffled a yawn with her hand. "Well, I'm going to bed. I'm exhausted."

"Good night, Hermione," I called as she started toward her room.

"Good night, Severus," she smiled pleasantly over her shouldn't before hopping down the stairs.

It occurred to me that I was in some really serious trouble. This was starting to feel a lot like it had with Lily in our third year, though being older was making certain aspects of my attraction considerably more… prominent.

Glad that there was no one else in the common room, I waited until I heard Hermione's door opened and shut, then adjusted my trousers and headed for my own bed.

* * *

**Okay, so these chapters were kind of short. Rest assured, I will make up for it next time with chapters about twice this long. Please review if you liked it. Consider it my tip. ;-)**


	5. In Broad Daylight

**Author's Note: **Ah, to be seventeen again…

**In Broad Daylight**

The first few weeks of seventh year were… surreal. Contrary to everything my life previous told me, Hermione actually seemed to enjoy being around me. As she'd promised, she did not seem quick to make other friends, which I found surprising considering how naturally she and I had come together. She mostly avoided the rest of our housemates, though I suppose that wasn't entirely without precedent. Most of those in our year followed Lucius around like his familiars and were even more obedient. Considering that she didn't respond to him, it seemed natural that she wouldn't embrace any of them.

By the end of the first full week of classes, Hermione had actually come to feel like a real friend. Despite the hours here and there when she snuck away for what she called "alone time", we were together more often than not. Studying with her was an entirely new experience. When Lily and I had studied together, we'd mostly just studied. With Hermione, it was more like a competition – but a really fun one. I supposed there were benefits to studying with someone from my own house. Her ambition matched my own and we were never satisfied with simply doing as much as our professors asked of us.

I wondered about exactly what her "private lessons" with Professor Moody entailed as she seemed unusually quiet when she came to dinner after those lessons, and she'd often drift away to I didn't know where after dinner. Sometimes I'd see her for a little while in the evenings, but many times she didn't come back until well after curfew.

When she came to breakfast, she often looked like she'd barely slept. I asked her about it once and she told me that she hadn't slept very well. I was worried about annoying her, so I didn't ask again even though it was seriously starting to seem like she _never _slept well.

Curiously, the Marauders did not come after her as I had expected. While Potter – and, disturbingly, even Lily – glared at her a lot, I didn't think they'd actually tried anything. She hadn't mentioned it to me if they had. Then again, they'd all seen her performance in Defense on that first day. I still worried that they were planning something, but it seemed that even James Potter was not stupid enough to attack her directly.

While Hermione was off doing whatever it was that she did alone, I studied the books that she'd loaned me and practiced the new charms. When I felt that I had it figured out, I tried the expansion charm on my room. Disconcertingly, it didn't work. I went back to studying and practicing, but after three days without being able to make it work, I finally sucked up my pride and went to see if Hermione had any insight.

I knocked on her door and then leaned against the wall while I waited, keeping my eye down the hall to make sure that no one was going to try to hit me in the back with a hex.

Finally, the door cracked open just enough for me to see a sliver of her face and her wand. She was cautious too. When she saw me, she pulled the door open further. And I realized that she was wearing a dressing gown. It was the first time I'd seen her out of her robe despite spending a rather lot of time in her room while we practiced and studied.

"Are you coming in?" she snapped suddenly and I jumped before hurrying inside, wondering if I shouldn't have turned around and gone the other way instead.

Once I was inside, I realized what I had interrupted. There was a large bathtub in the center of her room and it was full of water, that lovely rose scent permeating the room.

"Did you need something, Severus?" she asked. At least she didn't sound irritated anymore.

I swallowed hard before turning to face her again, very carefully keeping my eyes on her face. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt… I mean, I didn't know… Most students use the washrooms," I stammered like a fool. Merlin, this girl could fluster me. What was she doing taking a bath in her room anyway?

"I guess I'm shy," she smirked, though her eyes were tired as she walked around me to slouch onto the sofa. Hermione Wilkins, shy. Right…

I hated it that I was blushing, but she had to be used to that by now. I hadn't blushed as much since third year as I did around Hermione.

"Did you just come by to see what I was doing?" she smiled and I realized that I was just standing there in her room not saying anything.

"Uh, no. I actually came to talk to you about expansion charms," I admitted.

She nodded, clearly waiting for me to say something worth responding to.

"Well, I've cast the spell successfully several times, but when I tried it on my room, it didn't work," I offered.

She sighed heavily and her brow knit thoughtfully. "Well, the larger the space, the more complex the expansion charm becomes."

I frowned, annoyed. "I know that. I did read the book, Hermione." She usually gave me more credit than that.

She nodded, lifting her hand to cover a yawn.

I looked at her face a little more closely and noticed that her eyes looked really tired and the circles under them were more pronounced than usual. Her shoulders were slumped a bit. She normally had really good posture… "Maybe we should talk about this tomorrow," I reasoned. "You look pretty tired." It wasn't all that late yet, but she didn't get enough sleep from what I'd seen.

She shook her head as she stood again. "No, it's okay." She resisted another yawn. "I've got a few minutes left in me."

I nodded even though I wasn't so sure. She seemed to push herself way too hard.

"Why don't I give it a try?" she suggested. "Then we'll know if it's you or something else."

"Okay," I allowed, since it did make sense, even if it challenged my ego a bit. I kind of hoped that she wouldn't be able to do it. It would be embarrassing if I was really doing something wrong.

She followed me to my room and I stepped inside and lowered the wards before waving her in after me. I was trying really hard to ignore the stupid voice in the back of my head chanting _there's a girl in my room!_ while she drew her wand and cast the familiar charm. I was a little surprised that she vocalized it, but it was a pretty complex spell.

I could feel her magic spread itself across the room just as mine did. And it had exactly the same effect. Or non-effect. I was disappointed that my room would not be getting any larger, but pleased that she seemed to have the same difficulty I'd had.

Hermione actually looked surprised by the result as she looked around the room for a long moment. Then she walked around me and sat on my bed like it was the most natural thing in the world.

Now the voice was chanting even louder, _there's a girl in my BED!_ I told it to shut up and focused on her when she started talking.

"I think the castle is preventing it."

"But why would it work in your room?" I posed, pacing the room to distract myself from looking at Hermione sitting in my bed in her dressing gown. "Does it not like me or something?" I groused.

"I don't think that the castle plays favorites, Severus," she said with a smile in her voice.

I looked at her again, lifting an eyebrow doubtfully. The evidence did seem to suggest otherwise.

Her smile grew wider. "There are many reasons it may not allow it. Perhaps this area has simply been expanded to capacity already," she suggested. "Perhaps it only allows the girls to expand their rooms."

I glared irritably.

She chuckled, "Oh, you're so easy to rile."

"And you so love to tease," I frowned even though these little exchanges always thrilled me. It was a new experience for me to be teased and actually know that she didn't mean any harm by it.

She just nodded her agreement as she muffled another yawn.

"All right," I sighed, moving around the bed to take her arm in a gentle grip and urge her to her feet. "You need to get into your own bed before you pass out in mine." Not that a large part of me didn't want her to fall asleep in my bed, but I'd have probably have ended up trying to sleep in the common room. Sharing that little bed with her would not be good for me. Or… it would be embarrassing, at least.

"Yeah, that's fair," she relented blearily as she allowed me to lead her to the door. "Good night, Severus," she smiled.

"Good evening, Hermione," I nodded in return, watching her all but stumble down the hall away from me. When she was safely out of the boy's hall, I closed the door and dropped myself into my bed. I groaned when I realized that the ruddy bed _smelled _like her now. It was faint but unmistakable on the blankets that only I had slept on in the last five years. I refused to lower myself to deliberately sniffing it, but surely there wasn't anything wrong with merely breathing a bit more heavily than normal.

Merlin, I wasn't going to get any sleep.

~.~.{o}.~.~

Hermione and I didn't usually go to breakfast together, so I wasn't surprised when I saw no sign of her on my way through the common room. She usually made it to the Great Hall just before or just after me, so I didn't worry about it. When I'd finished eating and she still hadn't shown up, I became a little more worried. I waited a bit longer before going down to her room. This was the first time in three weeks that she hadn't made it to breakfast.

A few minutes of knocking on her door produced no results. I kind of wanted to go in and check on her, but a quick examination of her wards proved that that wasn't going to be happening. They were at least as complex as mine and probably just as nasty.

With a sigh, I headed for the library. It was Saturday, so maybe she wasn't even in the castle. If she did turn up, I expected that it would be at the library, and I wanted to do some reading anyway.

I checked first, but when I didn't find her in the library, I told myself not to worry and started doing my own research. I'd have thought that she'd have said something to me before disappearing, but maybe it had come up suddenly.

I searched for information about expansion charms and cross-referenced that with everything I could find about the castle. Within a couple hours, I'd managed to surround myself with several tomes right on the floor between the stacks. The library was empty enough on a Saturday that I wasn't concerned for being in anyone's way.

I was so lost in my reading that I didn't even realize I was no longer alone until Hermione dropped herself onto the floor right in front of me with a cheerful, "Good morning."

She looked spryer than she usually did. "Sleep well?" I inquired. Maybe she'd just been having a lie in this morning.

Her sigh sounded almost dreamy, "Very well."

I nodded uncertainly and turned my attention back to my book since I wasn't sure what else to say.

"I was going to go into Hogsmeade today," she said lightly. "I need to stop by the book shop."

I was a little disappointed that she wouldn't be staying in the library with me, but I told myself not to make a big deal of it. With that in mind, I just nodded again without looking at her.

After a moment, she spoke again, sounding uncertain, "I was wondering if you wanted to come along, but if you're busy I can…"

I looked up at her quickly. She was inviting me to go to Hogsmeade with her? I almost never went to Hogsmeade. I never had any money or anyone to go with. "You want me to come with you?" I had to ask.

"If you're not busy," she shrugged.

"Why?" I wondered.

She laughed, "Honestly, Severus, has it not occurred to you that I may simply desire your company?"

Well, of course it had, but I hadn't given it that much credence. Studying together and sharing meals in the Great Hall was one thing. Spending time together just for the sake of spending time together was something else entirely.

"Very well," she sighed, "you've caught me. I am desperately in need of your advice regarding a book I wish to buy."

That made a little more sense, even if it was a bit disappointing. Damn, why couldn't I just leave well enough alone? It would have been nice to think she just wanted my company. "Oh. All right then. I suppose I can tear myself away."

She smiled happily and helped me to return the books that I didn't want to check out. She must have been distracted because she didn't say anything about the subject of today's research. That was okay. I hadn't really found anything worth relaying anyway, just confirmation of what I'd already know or at least suspected. The use of expansion charms was allowed at the discretion of the castle – not that anyone truly understood why the castle did or did not do anything. Not that that explained why Hermione could expand her room and I couldn't.

We returned to the common room together and ran into Lucius on his way out. I stepped around him, but he blocked Hermione's path. I rolled my eyes in annoyance and stood back to wait. I no longer had any concern that Hermione would need my help.

"Ah, Lucius," she sighed, "just when I was getting used to you avoiding me." He certainly did seem to have been avoiding her, even if he had evidently made it a hobby to stare at her.

"Well, they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder," he crooned. The prat.

"Really?" she asked as though she'd never heard such a saying. "Well, I'm sure 'they' weren't thinking of you when they said it."

I hid my smirk.

"You know I admire the sharp edge of that tongue."

Ugh.

"Just be sure to do it from a distance," she said as though she found the idea at least mildly disgusting. That brought my smile back as she all but elbowed him out of her way to join me in the common room.

"As you wish, darling," he cooed. "I'll be around when you crave the attention of a real man."

I was surprised when she slipped in next to me and wrapped her arm around my waist. Well, surprised was an understatement of rather immense proportion.

"Oh, I _have_ the attention of a real man," she said, somehow sweet and suggestive at once.

I tried to look like I wasn't as shocked as Lucius seemed to be as the wall slid closed, leaving him outside.

As soon as the wall was sealed, she let go of me and doubled over in hysterical laughter, leaning against the back of the sofa as though she needed the support. "Oh, that was perfect. Thank you for playing along, Severus," she wheezed, giggling more hysterically than I had ever seen before. "Did you see the look on his face?"

I found myself smiling as well as I watched her. It _had _been quite funny, even if I was now aching to feel her touch again.

"Oh, come off it!" she chastised when she looked at my face. Evidently I wasn't enjoying the joke enough for her liking. "You can't tell me that wasn't worth it!" she insisted.

"I was pretty funny," I allowed, "even though he'll probably hex me the first chance he gets."

She shrugged as she began to settle down. "Unlikely," she said in unconcern. "If he did that, he'd have to admit that he actually sees you as competition – that his glaring powers of seduction may not be enough on their own."

I considered feeling insulted that she seemed to think me so obviously beyond his consideration as competition, but I decided not to bother. She was right, after all. "Now, if you're done tittering, shall we collect our things?" I prompted.

"Right," she nodded resolutely, pushing off the sofa.

She started toward her room, so I headed for mine, still shaking my head. I couldn't help but wonder what she'd done last night to put her in such a rare mood. Then I realized that I may not want to know. She hadn't come to breakfast that morning. What if she hadn't been sleeping alone?

I forced that idea out of my head before it could take root. I did not need to be thinking about that all day. And who would she have been sleeping with anyway? She was quite expressive in dismissing the advances of everyone brave enough to make them – which was mostly Lucius and Sirius Black, to be honest.

I tucked away the books I'd borrowed and grabbed my cloak, wishing that I had more than a handful of bulls to my name. Oh well, I wasn't planning to buy anything anyway. Maybe a butterbeer if we stopped… no, why would we stop? She just wanted my advice about a book. Because I was her study partner. It made complete sense. Right?

I returned to the common room and she joined me in less than a minute, fastening a rather nice cloak around her shoulders. "I need to go home and get some money," she admitted.

"Oh," I frowned, trying not to be affected by the simple statement. She was going to go home. Just like it was nothing. I avoided "home" at all costs during the school year. Not that there would be any money waiting for me there anyway. Unless I stole some of my mum's jewelry. It wouldn't be the first time. She never noticed anymore, and Father didn't know where she'd hidden it, so he hadn't been able to sell it yet.

"Should I meet you in Hogsmeade then?" I wondered. How long would she be gone? Could she really just go home, grab money, and leave again? Where did she live?

"You could come with me if you like," she offered.

I tried not to gape at the unexpected offer.

"I'm pretty hungry anyway, and it would be nice to eat somewhere other than the Three Broomsticks," she continued.

She wanted me to go with her so that we could stop and eat? Why?

"It might be fun," she said with utmost sincerity, but her eyes were sparkling with that mischief that I liked so much.

I'd have been concerned at being the brunt of a joke but three weeks with her had yet to leave me the brunt of any of her jokes. At least intentionally. She actually seemed to think that it might be fun. Maybe it would be. "All right," I agreed, hoping that I wouldn't regret it.

"Good," she smirked, leading the way out of the common room.

"Who do you live with?" I wondered. I knew that she didn't have her parents, but…

"I live alone, Severus," she said with quiet sadness.

I had a nearly irresistible urge to slap the heel of my hand against my forehead. Of course she lived alone. I knew that. She'd told me that. It was just somewhat surreal for me to think of someone my age living alone. Of course she was technically of age, as I was, but the vast majority of people lived with their parents until graduation. She didn't have any parents. Or anyone else, evidently.

"Right," I said quietly, then kept my mouth resolutely shut all the way off the grounds.

I turned to face her once we'd left the wards. She reached for my arm and I realized that she was going to apparate us. Of course she was, how else would we get there? I didn't know where we were going.

"Have you done side-along apparation before?" I had to ask as her small fingers closed tightly around mine. Gods, I liked how that felt.

"Trust me, you're in no danger of being splinched," she smirked.

I really hoped she meant that.

She rolled her eyes at the doubt she must have been able to see in my face. "Ready?"

I nodded warily and took a deep breath while she drew her wand. Then she spun and I felt like I was being compressed. There was a soft pop – rather remarkably soft, actually – and we were standing in a sizeable sitting room. It was modern and warm in its decoration, clearly a wizarding house as there was no sign of electricity, unlike my father's house.

Her hand tightened slightly on mine before she released me and turned away to enter another room with the comfort and familiarity that one feels within one's own house. I followed warily to find that she'd entered what must have been her bedroom judging by the oversized four-poster centered in it. I found myself amazed by just how warm and inviting it felt. There was a bit too much red for my taste, but I decided not to dwell on that.

"This is your house?" I asked with quiet wonder at the beautiful place. It felt nothing at all like that desolate hole that I reluctantly called home.

She nodded.

"It's really nice," I complimented.

"Thanks," she smiled, tapping her wand against a random bit of her bedroom wall.

I watched with interest as the glamor vanished to reveal a metal panel. She touched her hand to it and I could feel when her magic flared to release the lock. That was a rather impressive bit of spell work to make a safe that only recognized her.

She sifted through some meager contents before selecting something that looked like a small card and tucking it into her pocket. She closed the door and I could hear the lock click into place before a wave of her wand returned the glamor.

She looked at me again and narrowed her eyes slightly. "You didn't see that," she said sternly.

"See what?" I smirked.

She nodded, evidently satisfied with my response, and passed me to move through the house again. I followed as she exited the sitting room into a very impressive entrance hall complete with crystal chandeliers and a staircase winding up one wall. She paused near the front door, turning to face me again.

"Where are we going now?" I wondered, since she evidently meant to leave that way.

"I need to use a cash machine," she admitted.

I'd grown up largely in the muggle world, but I wasn't familiar with that term. Likely my father never had enough money to need a… cash machine.

"Right," she nodded, clearly realizing that I was lost. "I still have to get money. I'll explain when we get there."

"Where is 'there'?" I wondered, suddenly a bit nervous.

"Muggle London," she said, gesturing toward the front door.

We were in London. She evidently lived in London. I was focusing on the wrong thing. I wasn't dressed to walk around Muggle London. I frowned down at my robes.

She twirled her wand through her fingers before pointing it at my chest. "May I?"

I gulped a bit. I wasn't that well versed in the spells for transfiguring the style and cut of clothing. Sure I could probably manage it, but I didn't expect the result would be that attractive. "As long as you can put everything back," I allowed.

She grinned and quickly cast a nonverbal spell.

I looked down at myself and sighed in relief. "At the last second there, I thought you'd put me in something… colorful," I admitted. She did have a tendency to do things like that just to annoy me. She never made fun of me though. Not maliciously. Which I loved. _Liked_. I shouldn't even be thinking that other word around her. That was dangerous.

She laughed at my concern. "I wouldn't dare," she promised, though it sounded a lot like a lie. I had a feeling that she'd at least considered doing exactly that. Bloody woman.

She was examining me critically, which made me consider my clothes again. At first, I'd been content simply to notice that she'd put me in black. I realized now that I was wearing a nice button down, black trousers, and a nice black jacket. She'd even made me look… nice.

I noticed her flick her wand at me again and looked up just as I felt my hair drawn back behind my neck. I reached back to find that she'd fastened it there.

"You should wear your hair back more often," she noted objectively. "It looks nice that way."

She turned her attention to her own clothes before she could see me gulp. I had no idea that Hermione had ever even thought about my appearance, much less developed a preference for the way that I wore my hair.

I pushed those thoughts away before they could lead me into trouble. Hermione was observant. I knew that. Of course she noticed what I looked like. That did not mean that she _noticed _what I looked like. Merlin, even if she did, there wasn't much there to appreciate. To my eternal regret, I was a spitting fucking image of my father. Except my eyes. Those I'd gotten from my mother. Granted, black as night eyes looked better with her strawberry curls.

I was distracted from my wayward thoughts when Hermione transfigured her own clothes. She looked good – well, great – in robes, but these muggle clothes, uhm, _advertised _her shape a bit more fully. Gods, she was beautiful.

"Come on," she said briskly as she started for the door.

I swallowed hard and told myself to calm the hell down as I hurried to follow her. We stepped out into the bright midday sunlight onto a street in Muggle London. Curiously, I turned to see what her house looked like from the outside, and I froze when I saw that we'd just left what looked like an abandoned building. Boarded over windows, graffiti on the walls, cracked bricks and a faded old sign that seemed to indicate it had once been a restaurant. I turned back to her curiously.

She shrugged and worried her lower lip with her teeth. I didn't let myself focus on that.

"My house was destroyed when my parents died," she said quietly. "I didn't have anything but my wand and the clothes I was wearing."

I blinked in complete shock. I'd always assumed there was inheritance at least. "Then, how…?" I sputtered. "You're always talking about buying books…"

"I worked two jobs all summer," she frowned. "Most everything in there," she pointed at the building behind me, "I transfigured or charmed."

Well, that was… "No wonder you're so good in Transfigurations," was what I said.

She laughed softly. "Come on. I'm starving. Do you mind if we have a bit of an early lunch?"

"Not at all," I managed, catching her up and then matching her stride. Clearly she didn't want to talk about that anymore.

We walked four blocks to the cash machine that she'd mentioned. She slipped a little card into it, pushed a few buttons, and it spit out muggle money. "I bet an _alohamora_ could open that right up," I noted as I noticed the little locked door.

She laughed, "I bet you're right, but just because we can take something, doesn't mean we should."

I stared at her uncertainly. She really seemed to mean that. And I didn't think she meant it as "we could get into trouble for that" but as a… moral thing. It wasn't okay to steal money, but evidently killing Death Eaters was all right. This woman confounded me sometimes.

"Where are we going now?" I inquired as we continued down the street, proceeding in the opposite direction from her house.

"The best diner in London," she grinned. "You'll see."

Our conversation turned to our classes while we walked, and it was as easy and comfortable as always to talk about. It still surprised me sometimes how I could talk to her so easily. And how much I enjoyed it.

At last, she led the way into a small diner about half filled with muggles as the lunch hour neared. I was just beginning to take it in when I was distracted by a shrill voice echoing across the diner.

"Hermione Wilkins?!"

And then a little blond woman maybe five years older than me crashed into Hermione, crushing her in a hug.

For a moment, I wondered if the reason that Hermione turned down all the boys at school was because she fancied girls, but no. I wasn't getting _that _impression from this hug. I was sure they were just friends. Girls just hugged like that I supposed.

The blonde finally drew back and looked Hermione over critically. "You look fantastic, girl!" she declared at length. "But I thought you were away at school?"

"Just back for the weekend," Hermione smiled lightly.

Big blue eyes finally fell on me and widened before turning back to Hermione. "Mione, you didn't tell me that you had a boyfriend!"

I gulped at the misconception. Did it really look like I could be Hermione's boyfriend? Would she have assumed that of any male accompanying Hermione?

Probably, I decided.

Hermione laughed exuberantly at the idea and I tried not to grind my teeth. "Severus is just a friend, Louise." She turned around and gestured me toward them. "Severus, this is Louise. Louise, Severus."

"Pleased to meet you," I said as politely as I could, shaking her small hand.

"Oh, the _pleasure_ is all mine, Severus," Louise said in a sultry voice, not releasing my hand and standing far too close as she ushered me back toward a table in the corner. "So, if Mione isn't your girlfriend, I imagine it's because you're already taken," she went on in that same tone.

"No," I said firmly, removing her hand from me as gently as I could so that I could sit down, even though I wanted to flee the damn diner.

Hermione sat down across from me and the infuriating woman was rather obviously trying not to laugh. Had she planned this with her friend ahead of time? Did she really think this was _funny_?

"Really?" Louise said with definite implication. "Hm." She turned her attention to Hermione at last and I noticed her wink. "Well, what can I get you to drink?"

"I'll have tea," Hermione said, barely restraining her laugh by the sound of her voice.

"For me as well," I said stiffly, staring at the table while I tried to decide if I should just leave now and apparate back to Hogwarts.

"I'll be _right _back," the blonde threatened before finally leaving.

Hermione finally started to giggle. She seemed ridiculously prone to giggling today.

"What is so humorous, woman?" I demanded, almost daring her to openly mock me.

"The look on your face," she tittered. "You know that it's unlikely she'll literally attack you?"

I sat back with a quiet huff and glared at her furiously. "I am aware of that. However, I am unaccustomed to such blatant… mockery from perfect strangers."

I was mad, but I still noticed the way that Hermione flinched like I'd slapped her at the word "mockery". Her humor drained out of her face and eyes instantly. Maybe she wasn't trying to mock me.

"She's not mocking you, Severus," she said earnestly.

I frowned at that. If she wasn't mocking me, then what _was _she doing?

"Trust me," she said sincerely. "That was her flirting. She's not especially subtle."

I considered that. I supposed that it was _possible_. But why would she be flirting with _me_? No one ever flirted with me. Well, not unless they were mocking me, but that didn't really count, did it? Granted, this was the muggle world. Louise wouldn't know anything about my reputation, which was almost shocking to consider. She'd only know of me what she'd seen in the last couple of minutes. Which begged the question of what she saw that she thought was worth flirting with. I made an effort to consider myself objectively. Hermione had put me in nice clothes. Maybe Louise just liked the tall, dark, and mysterious thing. I supposed I had that much to recommend me to a stranger. But Louise was pretty. What would she want with me?

"Honestly, if I thought a muggle would interest you, I'd tell you to go for it," Hermione was going on. "She's very nice once you get to know her."

The fact that Hermione wanted to set me up with her friend made my stomach clench until I was sure I wasn't going to have an appetite. "Yes, well, she _is _a muggle," I grumbled in an undertone. "I will _not _make the same mistake my mother made."

Hermione frowned, and I realized what I'd just said. Her mother had done the same thing. And now they were both dead. "I'm sorry," I said quickly. "I forgot that you were a half-blood as well."

She gave me a half smile and dismissed it.

I was able to relax a bit more when I knew that Hermione's friend wasn't actually being mean but trying to interest me with her comments and touches throughout the rest of the meal. I even managed to smile a bit for Hermione's benefit. She clearly liked this woman, who I could only imagine was more pleasant as a friend than when she was trying to seduce someone.

Hermione paid for the meal. I felt bad about that, but I didn't have much money and none of it was muggle currency. She didn't seem to think anything of it, having clearly expected that I had no muggle money.

Louise gave Hermione another hug before we left, and then she managed to catch me in one before I realized her intent. Hermione seemed to be holding in another fit of giggles as I uncomfortably returned the hug and then fled the diner as quickly as possible. The moment that the door closed behind us, she devolved into another laughing fit. I really enjoyed her laugh, even if she was laughing at me. She didn't mean any harm by it, I was sure.

She led me to a narrow alley and transfigured our clothes back into robes before taking my hand and apparating us to Diagon Alley, right in front of Gringotts. Again I couldn't help but notice how quiet it was. That was very impressive for side-along.

We went inside and I waited patiently while she changed her money.

When we stepped out of the bank, my eyes were instantly drawn to the sickly green skull and snake writhing in the sky.

I heard Hermione's breath hitch when she saw it, and then her hand closed around my arm like a vice and she was all but dragging me to the side of the street. She shoved me back against a storefront and peered back out cautiously.

"You know what that is?" she whispered breathlessly.

"I've seen pictures in the prophet," I admitted numbly.

I flinched at the sound of several loud cracks and my heart beat harder when I saw the cloaked and masked Death Eaters suddenly littered across the street. There seemed to be one man among them without the mask or robes, but before I could really wonder about it, Hermione wrapped herself around me and I was suddenly plunged into constricting darkness.

* * *

**Okay, a bit of a cliffie on this one. Sorry about that. So what'd you all think about the diner scene?**

**We'll see more of Dumbledore in the next chapter and I whipped up a nice little roux to thicken the plot. =P**


	6. Happy Birthday, Hermione

**Author's Note: **Okay, sorry that this took so long. It just kept getting longer and longer! The drama of a pertinacious seven-year-old made for constant interruptions, so I hope there aren't too many errors. Overall, I'm pretty happy with it. Hope you agree.

* * *

Happy Birthday, Hermione

Hermione cried out and began to fall. I caught her before she could get very far and looked around to see that she'd brought us back to Hogwarts.

"Are you okay?" I asked quickly, fearful that she'd splinched herself. She hadn't even drawn her wand to apparate us, and the crack had been quite loud this time. "Did you get splinched?"

"No," she groaned, taking her own weight again. She glanced around like she was afraid we may have been followed, then snatched up my hand and started toward the castle with a long, fast stride.

"Hermione, what happened?" I demanded as I tried to keep up with her. Despite her shorter legs, she was moving with purpose.

"Did you see him?" she asked with quiet urgency.

"The Death Eaters?" I wondered. Of course that would have scared her a lot more than me. She'd fought them before, and they had clearly wanted her dead _before _she'd killed one of them.

"Voldemort!" she snapped.

I recoiled instinctively. No one said that name. Not even the Slytherins dared to speak his name.

"How do you know he was there?" I asked with a quiet gulp. He must have been the unmasked one.

"I saw him," she shuddered.

"But how do you know what he looks like?" I pressed. I didn't think very many people actually did. I'd certainly never seen a picture in the Prophet.

She shook her head, "I know the embodiment of evil when I see it, Severus."

He hadn't looked evil to me. A bit malign perhaps, particularly considering that he was so obviously at ease surrounded by Death Eaters, but not _evil_. What did 'evil' look like, anyway? I thought about saying something to her about it, but these people had killed her parents – tried to kill her. No, I was not going to challenge her about that.

I let her lead me into the castle, and didn't even think to wonder about where she was leading me until I realized we were nearing the seventh floor.

"Headmaster's office," she replied when I asked.

"Why?" I wondered.

"Because I think he may want to know what we've just seen," she replied.

I didn't ask "why" again, but I was definitely thinking it. Why would she feel the need to immediately report this to Dumbledore? It wasn't as though it had happened anywhere near Hogwarts.

We stopped in front of the gargoyle guarding the headmaster's office and she surprised me by saying, "Chocolate frogs."

The gargoyle moved for us.

"How do you know the password?" I wondered.

"I came up here before start of term," she said briskly. "When I registered for classes, you know?"

"Right," I nodded. That made sense.

She knocked heavily on the door at the top of the spinning staircase.

"Come in," Dumbledore's voice invited.

Hermione finally let go of my hand as she opened the door and immediately fell into a chair in front of Dumbledore's desk.

His brow rose as he studied her. "What has happened, child?" he asked gently.

"We've just come from Gringotts," she started, breathing heavily after all but running up seven flights of stairs.

I warily lowered myself into a chair next to her and hoped that they both ignored me for this discussion. I didn't feel all that comfortable around the headmaster. He'd seemed to take a quick disliking to me and he always took Potter's side when we got into trouble.

"While we were there, the dark mark appeared in the sky over Diagon Alley," she continued, and I realized that her hands were trembling a bit.

"Oh dear," Dumbledore said quietly, his face more troubled than I had ever seen it.

"I got us off the street just before masked Death Eaters apparated all around," she continued, locking her hands together in her lap. "Voldemort was with them."

I flinched again at the name. She said it without any apparent fear, and she had more reason than most to fear him. She _did _have the courage of a bloody Gryffindor.

"You're certain?" Dumbledore asked, apparently not at all bothered by that name.

"Yes, sir," she nodded with perfect conviction. "I've no doubt."

He nodded grimly. "I see. Then what happened?"

"As soon as I recognized him, I apparated us both back here, sir."

"Good. That was the right thing to do."

She huffed quietly and nodded. Clearly she felt that any moron should have known that much.

"Thank you for bringing this to me, Miss Wilkins," he concluded. "I think that, in the future, it may be best if you both stayed close to Hogwarts-"

Hermione all but leapt out of her chair, her eyes burning with sudden fury, "I absolutely refuse to hide out here like some criminal while that _monster_ walks the streets without impunity!" she nearly shouted at Albus Dumbledore.

My jaw sagged toward my chest.

She looked from the headmaster to me and seemed to deflate beneath our gazes. "If there's nothing else, sir," she said quietly.

"Perhaps you should go to the hospital wing and have Madam Wynsor take a look at you," he suggested.

I actually agreed with him. She seemed in need of a calming draught at the least.

"Thank you, sir, but I'm perfectly fine," she dismissed evenly. "I just need a bit of rest."

"As you wish," the headmaster allowed. "You may both go."

Grateful that I had been left out of the conversation, I hurried to follow Hermione out, but she was almost running. When I caught up to her pacing in a seventh floor corridor, I saw a door just materialize out of nothing in the wall.

"What is that?" I asked as she approached the door without the slightest surprise at its appearance.

"Come on," she offered as she stepped through the door.

"Bloody hell," I breathed as I stepped into a massive room that looked like… Well, I'd never seen anything like it before. There were dummies for dueling practice spread out through the middle, short walls and columns distributed between them, and a foot path ran around the outside. "How did I never know that this was here?" I wondered, then looked at her more sharply. "How did _you _know that it was?" She'd only been at the school for a few weeks for Merlin's sake.

"I kind of found it by accident," she said guardedly. "The room can become anything that you need. You may wish to stand back or draw your wand," she warned as she paced into the center of the room, drawing her wand. "Ready!" she called clearly.

I snatched up my wand as spells began flying at both of us from the dummies. I relaxed a bit when I realized they were only trying to hit us with _impedimenta_ and _expelliarmus_. I simply shielded myself while I watched her hitting the dummies with _stupefy's_ that seemed to put them temporarily out of commission. She also used some severing and blasting hexes. She was… frightening. It was too easy to imagine what she could do in a real fight as she protected herself and attacked several of the dummies at once. It wasn't hard to believe that she'd fought Death Eaters. And killed one.

In just a couple minutes, she'd managed to completely destroy at least six or seven of the dummies, and I was starting to realize that she looked a little frantic. She was reacting to what had happened in Diagon Alley, I belatedly realized. It had affected her more strongly than I'd thought.

"Stop!" I finally called, relieved when all of the dummies immediately became inert.

She spun on me looking furious, but I didn't let her say anything. I wrapped my arms tightly around her and held her against her struggling, praying that she didn't decide to hex me. It was all that I could think to do. She needed to calm down before she had a fit and released enough involuntary magic to decimate half the room.

Just when I was beginning to wonder if I'd made the wrong choice in embracing her, she stopping fighting and sagged against me. Sobs tearing through her violently.

My heart almost broke at how defeated she suddenly seemed. I held her tightly against me, wishing that there was somewhere besides the floor to sit.

Almost as soon as I thought that, a sofa just appeared behind me. The room could become anything I needed. Interesting.

Deciding to focus on that phenomenon later, I sat down slowly, drawing Hermione with me. She didn't fight me this time, curling up practically in my lap, her face buried against my chest.

I found myself stuck between feeling unbearably sad for her and incredibly pleased to have her in my arms. I wasn't particularly happy with that latter part. I should not have been enjoying anything about her pain.

I was running my hand over her hair before I realized it and I almost stopped, but she didn't seem to mind. I continued hesitantly and she continued to allow it as her sobs gradually began to ebb. When she'd finally stopped crying, I risked speaking. "Are you okay?" I asked as gently as I could.

"Yes," she murmured. "It's just… These last two weeks have felt so… normal. It was almost like I might be able to be happy again. What happened today just proved how foolish it was to think that."

I was glad she wasn't looking at me so she couldn't see me gaping. I'd thought my life was depressing, but… "Hermione, you _are _allowed to be happy. We're safe here…"

"For how much longer," she interrupted. "We can't stay here forever, Severus. We are at war whether the Ministry wants to admit it or not. Even Hogwarts cannot be a safe haven forever. We're going to have to fight. We need to be using this time to prepare."

I held her a little tighter. Normally, I could almost forget that she'd watched her parents die just a handful of months ago, but right now it was terribly obvious just how damaged she really was. I wanted to help her. I wanted to fix her. I wanted to hold on and never let go.

"You can't take the weight of the world on your shoulders," I said quietly, knowing that there was nothing I could say to make this better, but feebly struggling to try anyway. "It's not fair. Even if it does come to war, there are a lot of people who will fight. It's not our job."

"I wish I could believe that," she said with a soft sigh. "Sometimes you don't get to decide whether it's your war. Sometimes all you can do is choose a side."

She sounded so… resigned. She'd already consigned herself to this fate. Though I loved holding her, I needed to see her face, so I drew her away from me a bit. There were tears on her cheeks and she looked as resigned as she'd sounded. My thumb ran lightly across her cheek, brushing away tears. I wished I knew what she needed to hear. I wished there was something I could say to make her feel better.

She closed her eyes briefly, then leaned forward and I felt the pressure of her soft lips against my cheek.

My breath hitched at the sensation and I was powerless to stifle the sudden surge of desire that went straight from her lips to my groin. Merlin, she smelled good, her body was so soft and slight compared to mine, and her lips were lingering on my cheek a lot longer than was really necessary.

Just when I was beginning to consider turning my lips toward hers, I felt her tense and she drew away from me quickly, her eyes wide. "I'm sorry," she said quietly, her cheeks becoming a lovely shade of pink. "I just… I think that maybe I'm just going to go rest," she finished in a rush and practically leapt up off the sofa.

I was so stunned by her sudden affection and immediate retraction that by the time I turned my head to follow her, the door was swinging closed behind her.

I stayed there for quite a while, trying to figure out exactly what had happened. She'd let me comfort her – hold her – when she was upset. Even when she'd calmed, she hadn't moved away from me. Her kiss had only been on my cheek, but the way that she'd lingered definitely suggested that there was… _something _behind it. Right?

But she'd been really upset. She'd clearly regretted that kiss by how quickly she'd retreated after. I lay back on the sofa and buried my face in my hands. Merlin, I was a fool. I was falling in love with another girl who'd never want me.

~.~.{o}.~.~

After the day that Hermione had had, I didn't try to disturb her when she didn't emerge from her room that evening, but when she didn't come to breakfast, I started to get a little worried. When she didn't make it to lunch, I decided to go look for her.

When she didn't answer at her room, I tried the library. I didn't find her in there either, and I started to worry. Had she gone home? I was glad that she lived in Muggle London as it seemed a lot safer at the moment, but I was still worried. Dumbledore had told us to stay close to Hogwarts, but considering the way she'd reacted to that, I was worried that she may have done it just to prove that she could.

I'd just started back toward the common room when I remembered the hidden room on the seventh floor. I changed course and took the steps by twos. It took me a while to figure out how to make the door appear. Hermione had said that the room became what you needed, and she'd been pacing in front of it when I'd caught up to her.

After several tries, I discovered the trick to it and let myself into the room with the practice dummies. The ones she'd destroyed were whole again, but she wasn't there.

I really hoped that she wasn't avoiding me. What _had _happened between us yesterday? Had it been enough to make her avoid me? Had it even been anything to her? I really needed to accept the fact that she was never going to see me as anything more than a friend. Considering that she was my _only _friend, I didn't want to lose her. I was afraid that I might if I didn't stop thinking of her as I was. I'd end up doing something stupid, and she'd start avoiding me. Pretty soon…

No, damn it! She _wasn't_ Lily! I kept comparing them because I'd cared for Lily too, but Hermione was _nothing _like Lily. Nothing. Hermione was so much more like me. She was even damaged in her own way. That was one thing that Lily and I had certainly never shared – probably our downfall in the end. Lily couldn't understand why I was the way I was. She was so stubbornly allergic to anything related to the dark arts that it was clearly more in principle than anything else. Hermione may not like the dark arts, but she studied them. Just like I did. She wouldn't scorn me for a fascination that I really couldn't help.

But would she spurn me for unwanted affection?

I sat down on the sofa that materialized behind me and let my mind explore that. I felt like I knew Hermione fairly well by now. How would she react if she knew how I felt? My gut clenched at the thought as several of the worst possibilities flashed through my mind. But would she really hate me for it? Mock me? Avoid me?

Regardless of how she reacted to the advances of Lucius and Black, she'd conveyed to me that they mostly just annoyed her. I didn't think that she disliked men in a general sense. So what did she hate so much about two of the best-looking boys in school? What had she said about Lucius that first night? _"He was convinced from the moment he met me that he was my heart's one true desire"_? Something like that. Was it arrogance that she disdained then?

Well, I definitely didn't have to worry about that being a failing of mine. Not that I expected that fact to make her fall into my arms. She didn't seem all that interested in any of the boys at school. In any of the houses. She definitely didn't favor any of the girls. Not that I'd noticed, anyway. Why? A pretty girl like her, how was she so uninterested in having a boyfriend?

I wished that there was a ball coming up sooner than Halloween. Girls always seemed to get way more girly when there was a chance to dress up and dance. Hm. I hadn't danced with a girl since Lily in third year. I'd had no desire to be turned down, so I hadn't bothered asking anyone after Lily had… Well. I'd dance with Hermione though. Would she turn me down? Would she accept an invitation from Lucius or Sirius? I had no doubt they'd ask her. I wished I didn't have to wait so long to get an answer to those questions.

Maybe, after losing her parents, Hermione really just didn't _want _a boyfriend. I'd have thought that it would go the other way. I'd seen other students go through loss and cling to any relationship they could get. But then, Hermione wasn't exactly "normal" in most respects.

That must be it, I realized. Hermione didn't want to be with anyone. With that grim realization, I decided that I needed to concentrate on being her friend. Maybe someday… No. I'd just be her friend.

Feeling unhappy but resigned, I left the room. I hoped that Hermione would turn up for dinner, but I wasn't counting on it.

Lost in thought, I almost didn't hear the whispered word behind me.

I drew my wand as I spun, just in time to take the stinging hex right in the chest. I gasped as pain blossomed all across my chest and up my neck and looked up furiously into the eyes of James Potter. I snapped my wand at him and the _expelliarmus_ hit him before he could react. I'd been practicing silent spells with Hermione. She was right. They were useful.

The spell hit him with so much force that he flew backward to slam into the wall, and, though it rankled, I turned and ran, casting a _protego_ behind me as Sirius and Lupin threw spells at my back.

Two floors and three secret passages later, I decided that they weren't following me. Probably too worried about Potter. I sneered at that, but my chest was really starting to hurt. I tried to avoid the hospital wing when possible because that aroused too many questions, but I was going to have to go for this one.

Clutching my chest and muttering profanities, I set off in that direction.

"Severus!" Poppy Pomfrey cried when she saw me. "What's happened?"

"Hi, Poppy," I grimaced. "Stinging hex." I clearly spent way too much time in the hospital wing.

"Should I be expecting anyone else?" she asked with a knowing look as she started to lead me toward the back of the infirmary.

I started to shrug but winced as that stretched the swelling skin of my chest. "I don't know," I admitted. I hadn't stuck around to see how much damage I'd done. As much as I hoped the prat had at least knocked his head good, I rather hoped it wasn't serious enough for him to come down here. He'd immediately blame me and I'd end up with detention. Again.

"Your bed's open," Poppy offered, gesturing to the bed in the rear corner that was my favorite because it was the most secluded. "You may as well get comfortable. You'll probably be here for the night."

I nodded, not surprised, and lifted my wand to draw the curtains around the bed, just in case Potter did show up, and then started opening my robe.

I frowned at the bright red blister that was now my chest. Damn, that was a bad one. I'd definitely be here until morning.

Poppy hissed when she saw it. "I rather hope we'll be seeing someone else," she grumbled, uncapping the salve so that she could begin rubbing it onto the affliction.

I smiled a little despite the pain. I'd always liked Poppy. She was one of the few that had always believed me about the nature of my frequent battles with the Marauders. I had a suspicion that she just had a soft spot for the underdog. She was less than ten years older than me, but I knew she'd already been widowed. She talked to me a lot when I was stuck in bed with nothing to do. She'd admitted to marrying one of her first patients when she'd apprenticed briefly at St. Mungo's. The ill man had died within the year.

Potter never did turn up, which annoyed me even though I was glad that I'd probably avoid detentions over this. Since it was a pretty slow day in the infirmary, Poppy sat and talked to me for a while. The subject of Hermione inevitably came up, and she listened without interrupting while I muddled through an explanation of how worried I was about her.

"Poor girl," she sighed when I was finished. "It's so hard to lose those you care about, and at her age… She's such a bright girl, too."

"Have you met her?" I asked, surprised. I didn't think Hermione had been to the hospital wing yet.

"Well, she spent most of two days here when she was taking her OWLs," Poppy explained. "She was able to keep up with Albus and Minerva in their conversations during meals. It was almost like having a new professor at the table rather than a student."

"What do you mean?" I wondered, incredibly curious about this new piece of information. I hadn't really considered that she'd have been seeing so much of the professors before the start of term.

"Oh, well Albus and Minerva have a tendency to end up in all manner of academic arguments whenever they're together more than five minutes," she chuckled. "Most of us have learned to tune them out, but Hermione followed their conversations. Honestly, I think she shocked them both by some of the points she offered."

I smiled. That did sound like Hermione. She didn't often go out of her way to talk to most of our classmates, but I could see her joining that kind of conversation. Maybe that was why she'd felt the need to bring news of the dark mark directly to Dumbledore.

"She is brilliant," I muttered thoughtfully.

"She's perfect for you," Poppy said quietly.

I blinked at her, startled by the conclusion she'd evidently drawn. "It's not like that," I said uncomfortably. "We're just friends."

"Why?" she wondered.

Damn it, I knew I was blushing. "Well, you've seen her," I sputtered.

"Yes," she said mildly. "I've seen you as well. You're not that awkward little boy that I met seven years ago, Severus. You should be more objective when you look in the mirror."

I blinked at her, but she just smiled at me and conjured a hand mirror. She placed it on my bed before leaving me alone.

After a moment, I picked it up and turned it toward my own face. Obviously, I was aware of the fact that I wasn't a little kid anymore, but the more grown up I looked, the more resemblance I saw to my father. And I hated that man way more than I would ever hate James Potter. Still… Objectively…

Well, my nose was clearly way too big. Even clean, my hair was lank – much too fine to do anything but lay there or try to stand on end when the air was particularly dry. My lips were too thin, and so pale that they looked even thinner. My eyes… I liked my eyes, at least. The only part of my face that decidedly did not come from my father. My chin wasn't terrible, I supposed. It wasn't really strong, but it wasn't weak either. And…

With a heavy sigh, I put the mirror on the table next to the bed. Maybe I wasn't horrible to look at if one didn't know my father, but I'd never be handsome. And I was way too thin. I was still hoping that I might grow into my frame, but I wasn't going to get my hopes up. That had never worked before.

I fell asleep that night wondering if it would ever be possible for Hermione to see me like Poppy apparently did.

~.~.{o}.~.~

Luckily, the swelling on my chest had gone down enough for me to leave the infirmary in the morning. It was still tender, but the pain relieving potion that Poppy gave me would take care of most of that, at least for most of the day.

Madam Wynsor questioned me about my injury before I left, but I just told her that I hadn't seen where the hex had come from. She clearly hadn't believe me, but she'd let me go. As much as I wanted to get Potter in trouble, I knew that the git would somehow end up making it seem like it was all my fault. He'd get a week of detentions and I'd get a month and nothing would change.

I was not in a good mood when I sat down to breakfast, but Hermione's appearance at my side brightened it considerably. At least, until I saw her face, it did. She looked like she could start crying at any moment. I almost asked her if she was okay, but I was afraid of pushing her when she looked so upset. Particularly since I was a little worried that I might be the cause. Granted, she was sitting next to me, but then she didn't have many other options for places to sit unless she wanted to sit by Lucius.

She didn't say anything, so we ate in silence for a while before the post arrived. For the first time all year, Hermione got a package.

She started badly when it landed in front of her. Obviously, she hadn't been expecting anything. She stared at it for a long moment as though she was afraid it was going to attack her. Then I watched her draw her wand and literally check it for curses.

Finally, she picked it up like she still thought it might bite, and turned it over. The large, loopy hand looked familiar, but I couldn't place it until she turned her eyes toward the head table. I followed her gaze and saw the headmaster raise his cup in her direction.

I returned my gaze to her and watched her open the letter. She held it at a bit of an angle away from me, so I made a point not to try to read it. It must have been rather short by how quickly she finished with it. She folded it and tucked it away before turning to the box.

She opened it slowly and her jaw dropped when she peered inside. She drew out a watch and I felt my own eyes widen at the clearly expensive item. She set it down to extract another piece of parchment from inside the box and I studied the cover of the watch more carefully. There were ancient runes carved into it. _Heart of the Lion, Cunning of the Snake, Soul of the Phoenix, _I read. The lion and snake were easily related to Hogwarts houses. It didn't surprise me that Dumbledore would consider "heart of the lion" a compliment, perpetual Gryffindor that he was. But I had noticed that she seemed uncommonly brave a couple times, hadn't I?

And she was definitely cunning enough to have earned her place in Slytherin. The way that she handled Lucius and the Marauders proved that. She managed to make them look like idiots with veiled threats and sweet smiles – and humiliating but harmless hexes – and without ever getting herself into trouble in the process. It was kind of inspiring.

She opened her watch and inspected the inside with suspiciously wet eyes and then looked toward the head table again and I saw her mouth a thank you.

"What's that?" I finally risked asking.

Her eyes snapped over to me as though she'd forgotten that I was there. After a moment, she smiled softly and looked at the open watch again. "A gift," she said quietly.

"From the headmaster?"

She nodded.

"Why?" I had to ask. Students didn't generally get gifts from the headmaster.

"It's my birthday," she almost whispered, brushing tears from her cheeks as she tucked the watch into her pocket.

Well, that explained it. Of course the headmaster would know that she didn't have anyone else to send her birthday gifts. Not that I ever got one from him, but that wasn't really the point. What mattered was that it was her birthday – her first since the death of her parents – and she hadn't told me. _Me_. The one person that she voluntarily spent time with almost every single day.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked, trying to keep the hurt from my voice. I may have succeeded, but I probably didn't keep it off my face because she looked instantly contrite when her eyes met mine.

"I'm sorry, Severus. I… I was just really depressed about it. I…"

"I understand," I said quickly, placed my hand on hers on the table between us. Merlin, but I could be stupid sometimes. She was dealing with her first birthday since her parents died, and all I could think about was _my _feelings. Idiot.

The ghost of a smile touched her lips but not her eyes. "I'll see you in potions," she said quietly before leaving me and her barely touched plate.

I sighed after her and silently berated myself for a couple minutes before heading toward the Defense tower.

The Marauders began snickering and whispering as soon as I entered the Defense room but I wasn't in the mood to even glare at them, so I kept my face down and passed them quickly on my way to the front.

"Snape. Potter," Professor Moody said to begin the class.

I looked up warily. This could not be good.

"As the most proficient students in this class, you get to demonstrate our new spell for the class. Come up here, both of you."

I rose as smoothly as I could, ordering my face to remain blank. This might not be too bad. We were the best two students, but I was better than him. And his friends couldn't help him now.

Moody gestured us to stand next to each other at the front of the class and I tried not to grimace. I'd really hoped we'd be facing each other.

"_Protego horribilis_," he ordered.

Ah, a new spell. It was covered in the current chapter of the book that we never opened in class and I'd practiced it with Hermione. I really hoped that Potter hadn't mastered it yet. That would just make my day.

I whispered the enchantment and swished my wand. The sustained shield snapped up with a faint golden light around me, then faded to nothing though I knew that the shield remained.

Potter seemed to be having more trouble. I did try to contain my smirk. He managed it on the third try. The git.

"Keep practicing, Potter," my favorite professor frowned. "If you ever actually have need of this spell, you'll want to manage it on the first try."

Potter smirked like a fool, "Will do, Professor."

"Now we see how strong they are," Moody said as though he was looking forward to this part.

These shields weren't intended to protect against expelliarmus or impedimenta, which concerned me a little about what he was going to send at us.

"_Rictusempra_!" he called, stabbing his wand at Potter.

Despite the silly hex he'd used, it slammed into Potter's shield with frightening force. The shield shimmered again and there was a sound like cracking ice as I watched the cracks snake away from the point of impact in a spider web of golden light before they faded again. It had held, but just barely.

"Not bad for a first try, Potter," Moody complimented, "but if I were to hit you with another one before you strengthen that again, you'd be on the floor giggling like a little girl."

To my immense gratification, Potter blushed.

Moody turned to me then and I prayed that I didn't end up giggling like a girl. "_Rictusempra_!"

I absolutely could not help but flinch as the hex was hurled at me. It hit my shield with a thud like taking a sledge hammer to a large block of ice. The golden shimmer erupted, but the cracks only made it a few centimeters before vanishing.

I struggled to keep my face blank when I was gripped by a very childish desire to point at Potter and laugh right in his affronted face.

"That's more like it," Moody said with a small smile, turning to address the rest of the class. "That, boys and girls, is your goal. Stand."

The entire class jumped to their feet practically as one, having learned what was coming next.

With a couple small swishes of his wand, all the tables and chairs skidded over to the walls, leaving the majority of the room open.

"Teams of two," Moody continued. "Practice _protego horribilis_ and _rictusempra_ _only_."

Potter strode back to his friends with his chest thrust out like a bloody peacock while Moody turned back to me. Since Hermione had left the class, I'd been the odd man out.

"Why didn't you report Potter?" he asked unexpectedly, his voice low enough that no one else would hear in the din of students practicing.

I felt my cheeks heat instantly as I understood what he was talking about. "How did you know, sir?" I asked quietly.

"I'm the Defense professor," he replied obscurely. "I make it a point to know when children are hexing each other in the halls. Why didn't you tell anyone?"

I sighed unhappily, but, considering that this was Moody, I told the truth. "Because he'd have blamed it all on me and the headmaster would have taken his side. I'd have ended up in more trouble than him."

"This has happened before," he gathered.

I nodded stiffly.

He sighed irritably and muttered something that sounded a lot like, "Bloody Albus."

"Sir?" I asked uncertainly.

"I know a bit about bullies," Moody frowned. "Today, it's Potter and his gang. When I was in school, it was Albus Dumbledore and his friends."

My eyes widened. I certainly had never heard anything like that. I hadn't ever heard an adult say anything disparaging about the headmaster.

Moody shrugged. "He does it again, come to me."

I frowned.

A smile twisted the professor's lips, "Not to report him. To get tips."

I chuckled quietly at that. Oh yes, he was definitely my favorite professor. Moody lifted his wand, so I quickly cast the shield charm again just before he threw another _rictusempra_ at me.

Somewhat surprisingly, I made it through the class without ending up in a fit of giggles. Which was better than virtually everyone else in the room. Only Potter, Sirius, and Lucius managed as much, and none of them were facing off against our professor. No doubt he could have taken me down if he'd really wanted to, but he let me strengthen my shield between attacks when it weakened. He still hit with amazing force though.

Hermione still seemed pretty grim in Potions and I found myself looking for little ways to make her smile.

When she drifted off to wherever she went – that room on the seventh floor, I now suspected – I went back to my room and searched for a gift I could give her for her birthday. I couldn't afford to buy anything, even if I could sneak away to Hogsmeade on a Monday, but I was sure I must have something that she'd like.

It took me a while, but I finally pulled an old book out of the bottom of my trunk and smiled. Hopefully, she was impressed by antiquity, but I thought that she would be in this case.

Once I'd conjured paper and rope to wrap it with – green and silver since it seemed a safe color choice – I went back out to the common room to be sure that I didn't miss her when she came back. I read ahead in my Defense book while the common room thinned out, and was relieved to be the only one left there when she finally showed up.

She entered the room with a pensive expression, but spun on me with her hand going to her wand as soon as I moved. Nope. I definitely never wanted to get on her bad side.

She started to smile, then looked concerned, "Is everything okay?"

It was stupid to feel so nervous about giving her a birthday present. I was pretty sure that it was something that she'd like, but it wasn't the generic kind of gift that was absolutely certain to be well received, and I knew that her birthday was a touchy subject. I made an effort to appear casual as I nodded. "Yes. I, ah… I got you a gift," I admitted, drawing the wrapped book from my pocket.

Epic failure at appearing casual…

She just smiled though and quickly crossed the room to take the package.

"It's not much," I felt compelled to warn her, just in case she was getting her hopes up. "Since you didn't tell me sooner, I didn't really have time to shop, but I thought you might like it."

She nodded kind of warily and unwrapped the package with care. She stared at the cover for a moment when she bared it. Her expression was distressingly unreadable. "The Lost Arts," she finally read, then lifted her eyes to me.

Damn, what was she thinking? The urge to use Legilimency had never been stronger, but I suspected that she'd hit me with a stupefy in about as much time as it took her to draw her wand if I tried that. Plus, it wasn't nice.

"I remembered that you appreciated books written in ancient runes over the translations," I explained, watching her carefully, "and I almost know this book by heart by now, so…"

"Where did you get this?" she asked almost breathlessly and I finally realized that she was pleased with it.

"It was my mother's," I explained, as she opened it and turned the pages carefully even though it had enough enchantments on it that ripping a page would be basically impossible with her bare hands. "A family heirloom, of sorts. One that she managed to pilfer when she was disowned by her family for marrying my father," I went on, probably giving way more information than necessary, but I was still nervous for some reason.

"An heirloom?" she frowned. "Severus, I'm not sure that I can accept this-"

"Please," I interrupted. "My mum doesn't care about it anymore, and I've never even met most of her family. I want you to have it."

She closed it slowly and blinked kind of hard. I realized that she had tears in her eyes and hoped that I hadn't upset her by giving her an heirloom when she didn't have anything left of her parents' by what she'd told me in London.

"Severus, I can't tell you how much this means to me. It's… amazing," she breathed before quickly stepping forward to snake her arm around my waist and pressing herself into my chest. It only hurt a little as my chest was getting much better now.

I made an effort to keep breathing normally as I returned her embrace, studiously chanting in my head that she needed a friend, not to get poked in the stomach.

She held on for a few seconds, then stepped back kind of quickly, her eyes on her book and her face turned down enough that I couldn't make out her expression. "I can't believe that you even remembered me ranting on about ancient runes on our first day of classes," she said quietly.

"You reminded me of me when I start going on about potions," I said, even though I was thinking about the way that her eyes had lit up when she'd talked about it.

She cradled the book to her chest and smiled at me. "I like listening to you talk about potions. And some day when you're the greatest potions' master in Britain, I'll be able to tell people that you taught me all your tricks in school."

I felt my cheeks heat for the simple fact that she didn't sound like she was teasing me. She actually seemed like she thought I _could _be the greatest potions' master in Britain someday.

"Well, I'm exhausted," she sighed suddenly. "I think I'm just going to go to bed. Really though, I can't thank you enough for this book."

"I'm just glad you like it," I drastically understated. I was elated at her reaction, and a tiny bit smug about choosing something that she found so touching.

"Well, good night," she called as she started toward her room.

"Good night," I replied, sitting back down as she disappeared down the hall.

I smiled to myself after she was gone, but it quickly turned into a sigh. My plan to only think of her as a friend was already failing. Damn it.

I'd been dwelling on that for a minute or two when a flash of silver light from down the hall to the girls' rooms drew my attention. Had I heard Hermione's door? I didn't remember.

I hopped up quickly and went to see what was happening.

My jaw dropped when I reached the end of the hall and found Hermione leaning against one of the walls with a brilliant otter patronus hopping around her feet. The first thought that went through my head was that it was a really impressive corporeal patronus.

Then my brain started working productively and I realized that there were tears on her cheeks and her face was set in a scowl that was actually frightening. I followed her gaze to Narcissa's door, but snapped my attention back to Hermione when I saw her wand slash out in a nonverbal stupefy.

Instead of the red light of the spell though, her whole body seemed to glow golden for a split second before it exploded out of her in all directions. Her patronus vanished and there were several almost simultaneous detonations as every ward in the hall shattered in response to that wave of gold that looking nothing like any spell I'd ever seen before.

Hermione collapsed and I'd just taken a step toward her when she started screaming.

My heart almost stopped as she cried out in what could only be agony, the keening loud enough to hurt my ears. By the time I reached her, she'd evidently fainted. There was a loud bang behind me as Narcissa slammed her door shut right about the time that the rest of the doors started to open, wands and wary faces appearing.

I ignored them as I tried to figure out what was wrong with Hermione. She seemed to be deeply unconscious. She was very pale, but she was breathing okay.

After a moment of consideration, I picked her up. She was heavier than she looked, but not too heavy to carry. I couldn't leave her helpless in the middle of the hallway while I went for help, so I carried her all the way up to the hospital wing. She did not stir the entire way.

By the time I reached the infirmary, her weight seemed to have doubled. I set her on the nearest bed while calling out for Poppy. Madam Wynsor didn't work nights.

"Oh dear!" Poppy cried when she saw us. "What's happened, Severus?"

"I don't know," I panted. "She just collapsed when she was trying to cast a spell. She screamed like she was in agony, there was a gold light, and then she fainted. I brought her straight here."

She looked at me with wide eyes, then cast a quick diagnostic. "Well, she doesn't look to be in any immediate danger," she said a little more calmly. "Stay with her while I go and fetch Madam Wynsor. Just call out if anything changes," she said, already on her way back toward the office.

I wrapped my hand around Hermione's. Hers felt like ice. Poppy said that she didn't look like she was in danger, but she wouldn't be waking the mediwitch if it wasn't serious. "Please be okay, please be okay. Hermione, please be okay," I whispered fearfully.

Madam Wynsor arrived in just a few minutes wearing her dressing gown with a sleeping cap still on her head. She immediately banished me to a chair away from the bed and began casting a confusing array of complex diagnostics before sending a patronus for the headmaster, at which point I had to remind myself to breathe.

Hermione's skin looked odd, I realized, and leaned closer for a moment before I realized that there were golden sparks dancing across her skin. It looked like… It was almost like she was actually _sweating _magic.

Dumbledore flooed into the infirmary within minutes, also wearing a dressing gown, and shooed the witches away from the table before casting his own spells.

Finally, there seemed to be some answers.

"She's drained her magic severely," the headmaster informed the mediwitches. I didn't think he'd even noticed me yet. "Draught of the Living Dead, Poppy, quickly." Poppy hurried toward the back to retrieve the powerful potion.

"What is wrong with her, Albus?" Madam Wynsor asked uneasily.

He shook his head slowly, "I'm not entirely sure how this happened, but she seems to be using involuntary magic whilst unconscious, and she's already dangerously drained. If we don't keep her heavily sedated, she could die."

I felt like I was going to be sick.

"Mr. Snape," Dumbledore said, proving that he hadn't been unaware of me.

"Yes, sir?" I asked uneasily.

"Exactly what happened?" he asked intently, dosing Hermione with the potion that Poppy gave him.

I took a deep breath and focused on not vomiting while I explained to him everything that I had seen from the patronus to Narcissa to the explosion of what must have been involuntary magic.

He listened to it all in silence while he stared at Hermione. The sparks on her skin were beginning to fade.

"Is she okay?" I asked shakily when I was done with the explanation.

Dumbledore nodded, "Yes, I believe that she will be fine. She's going to need a lot of rest though, days if not weeks. You should return to your room."

"Please, sir," I said desperately. "I won't be able to sleep not knowing…"

He stared at me a moment, then nodded. "Very well." With a flick of his wand, my chair became a lounge. "Get some rest though, Mr. Snape."

"Yes, sir," I said quietly while Poppy hurried to fetch me a blanket and pillow. I couldn't take my eyes off Hermione.

* * *

**Okay... Hermione's chances will increase greatly if I get a lot of reviews... *malevolent cackling***


	7. Font

**Author's Note:** I'm not a hundred percent pleased with this chapter, and I know that this part is super short, but as I said on Hermione's side, I've been under the weather this week, so this was the best I could manage. There will be more of Severus in the next chapter. Promise.

* * *

**Font**

By morning, Hermione's condition had improved, I was told.

She was going to be fine, Poppy assured me.

She just needed rest.

They kept her dosed with Draught of the Living Dead night and day. Even knowing that, it was disconcerting to see her looking so… Well, so near death.

I spent the first two nights at her side before they made me go back to my room. Even after, all of my free time was occupied in the infirmary, doing homework at her bedside, and I returned before breakfast each morning just to assure myself that she was still okay. Even when I went to classes half my attention seemed to remain in the hospital wing.

It was about the longest week of my life.

Exactly a week after her birthday, I stopped by the hospital wing after lunch to find that her bed was empty. I stared at it, trying to assure myself that it was a good thing.

"She woke up this morning."

I turned to find Poppy watching me. "She's okay?" I checked.

"I believe so," Poppy nodded. "She left with the headmaster right after breakfast."

"Okay, thanks," I said distractedly, trying to figure out where she could have gone. Not back to classes, I decided when she wasn't in Charms. I checked the library after Transfigurations, then made my way down to the common room. I expected that she'd have to pass through there at some point, so I settled down to wait.

It was nearly curfew when she finally arrived. I stood quickly, my eyes assessing her. She looked… basically like she always had, though maybe a bit tired, and her hair was braided back.

She gestured me to follow her as she started toward her room.

She stepped into her room and I waited for her to invite me. After a moment, she turned back to me, her expression frustrated. "Look, my magic is a little off right now. I'm still recovering. I can't get the wards down for you."

"Oh," I frowned, suddenly very concerned for her. She looked good, but if she couldn't even disable her wards long enough for me to get in, then she was most certainly not "good" yet. "Um, we could go to my room," I suggested.

She frowned thoughtfully for a moment, then leaned in close to me and tipped her face up toward my ear. "Gratia Dei, sum quod sum," she whispered.

I stared at her in surprise, trying extremely hard not to think about her warm breath on my ear.

"The passphrase," she explained.

She'd given me access to her room, I realized. She really did trust me.

I spoke the words quietly so as not to be overheard, and stepped over the threshold, which had managed to become much more significant than merely entering her room as I had done so many times before.

She moved to the sofa as I closed the door, and she dropped heavily into it.

"Are you okay?" I asked with concern.

"Just a little tired," she smiled weakly.

"And your magic," I pressed gently as I took my customary seat at the other end of the sofa.

"Just a temporary hiatus," she smiled though I could see the weight in her eyes. "It might take a few days, but I'm sure I'll be fine. I heard that you carried me to the hospital wing. Thank you."

I shrugged it off as best I could. "What else could I have done?" I asked rhetorically, then continued, "What happened to you?"

"What did you see?" she asked instead of answering.

I sighed and tried to put into words that terrifying night. "Well, it was the light of your patronus that made me realize that something was wrong. I got there just in time to see that it looked like you tried to stupefy Narcissa, but instead there was…" I sighed and tried to word it properly. "A flash of light – golden, not silver like your patronus – it just kind of exploded out of you. It shattered every ward in the hall except your own. And then you fell down, and then… You screamed," I winced at the memory of that part.

"I only remember parts of that," she said pensively.

"So what happened?" I pressed again.

"I'm not exactly sure," she said thoughtfully. "Narcissa laid a despair trap for me, and… Have you ever experienced that before?"

I shook my head. It definitely didn't sound good.

"It's just like the dementors," she said quietly, her eyes distant. "Like all the happiness in the world is gone. You start to think the worst. Of yourself. Of everyone that you know. Of every decision you've ever made. You feel worthless. You just want to die. And then you vividly recall every one of your worst memories just like it's happening again."

I grimaced. "That sounds terrible." I could only imagine how awful it must have been to relive memories of her watching her parents die. I made me wish I'd hexed Narcissa myself.

"It is," Hermione agreed quietly. "When I saw Narcissa, I knew that it was her fault. She'd made me feel those things… Relive those memories," she shuddered slightly just thinking of it. "I was so angry with her, I'm a little surprised that I used s_tupefy_ rather than something more… lethal."

I winced. I remembered what she'd done to those dummies after we'd come from Diagon Alley. I had no doubt that she knew quite a few nasty spells she could have used.

"But right when I cast the spell… Pain. No, agony," her voice was distressingly hollow as she recalled. "The worst pain that I had ever felt before that didn't even come close. I felt like my body must be literally coming apart to cause such pain. And then I passed out.

"The headmaster was there when I woke up. He told me that I'd drained my magic. He doesn't think that it will happen again. Evidently, it is quite a rare thing."

I nodded thoughtfully. "I've never heard of it," I admitted.

"I hadn't either. I really don't want to talk about it anymore," she added. "I have loads of homework to get caught up on, so I think I'm just going to do that until I'm ready for bed."

I heard the dismissal in that, and I nearly got up to leave. But I was getting the sense that being alone might not be the best thing for her right now. Plus, I really didn't want to leave her after a week of sitting by her bedside while she slept. "Don't forget that we have a deal," I found myself smirking, "and I don't plan to renege on it."

Her brow furrowed uncertainly.

"Homework," I prompted. "We're supposed to do it together, remember?"

I was a little worried that she was going to tell me to leave, but instead I received a grateful smile. "Fair enough," she said simply.

We ended up working rather late on what was a fairly large collection of the homework that she'd missed. Most of it I had completed already, but I didn't mind going over it with her. In fact, I quite enjoyed it. Whatever was going on with her magic, it was clear that her mind was yet as sharp as ever.

~.~.{o}.~.~

The next week was troubling. Hermione seemed almost constantly depressed. She was excused from classes for the entire week while her magic continued to recover, and she did not look well. She wasn't sleeping well, if the bruise-like circles under her eyes were anything to go by, and she refused to practice any spells with me. She wasn't even working the normal charms for her hair and makeup. Of course, she still looked beautiful, but I felt badly for her, particularly when we passed someone in the hall or common room only to hear them whispering about her, never quite loud enough for us to hear. If it bothered her, she never showed it.

I didn't see her nearly as much as usual. We did a little homework during my free periods, but she seemed to be constantly sneaking away on her own. I wasn't sure if she was going to practice alone or if she just wasn't feeling up to company, but I didn't like it. I missed her far more than I wanted to admit.

Potter and his friends also noticed her absence, unfortunately. They ambushed me on my way out of the library on Sunday afternoon, managing to take me by surprise enough to get my wand.

"Where's your cute little bodyguard, Snivellus?" Potter sneered, his wand pressing into my throat and my back against the wall.

I did my best to kill Potter with my glare while I contemplated my odds of getting my wand from his other hand. Then movement caught my eye and I glanced briefly over Potter's shoulder, hoping it might be Professor Moody. My eyes met Hermione's instead.

Damn. I'd been lucky enough that she'd not caught me in a situation like this since the train. I had no idea what she was going to do, but I recognized anger flash hot and fast behind her eyes as she took in the situation, drawing her wand almost casually. I really hoped that her magic was working properly again if she meant to take on all four of them.

"Well, well, well," she said in a bored tone, a slight smirk finding her lips as she drew everyone's attention to her. "What have we here? Four lost lions, and not a witness in sight."

The way that they all spun on her with wands drawn proved how much they respected the danger she presented.

Remus was keeping half an eye on me, but everyone else seemed to be ignoring me. My wand was only further away now that Potter had turned.

"You think you can win a duel four against one, Wilkins?" Potter sneered.

"More like three to one," she countered sneer for sneer as her eyes turned disdainfully on Pettigrew. "And you're the only one who'd actually be fighting me, James," she went on with utter confidence.

Potter scoffed, but Hermione didn't look the slightest bit concerned as she arched her brow at first Black and then Lupin.

I watched in disbelief as they both lowered their wands.

She looked at Potter again.

It was satisfying to watch Potter gape at his two best mates as they failed to back him up. "Traitors!" he cried. "I can't believe you'd abandon me over a girl!"

"She hasn't attacked us, James," Lupin said reasonably.

"And she's not just a girl," Black added with a cheeky grin. "She's a _hot _girl."

I rolled my eyes in disgust.

Potter turned back to glare at Hermione again, but then just grimaced angrily and turned to stalk away, throwing my wand toward my feet in the process. Pettigrew hurried after Potter while Lupin gave Hermione a shrug that actually looked a little embarrassed and Sirius winked at her conspiratorially. The last concerned me.

I snatched up my wand as they disappeared around the corner. "Thanks," I offered Hermione, though it didn't come out very grateful since I was so frustrated that she'd had to "save" me again. Stupid, bloody Marauders. I _was _going to make them pay for that.

"Oh, you know me," Hermione smirked in something like her old humor. "Any opportunity to annoy that prat."

I shook my head irritably as I joined her. The fact that she could take out all four of them with words alone was even more impressive than her dueling skills, though I wasn't in the mood to comment on it at the moment. "How did you know that Lupin and Black wouldn't attack you?" I asked instead.

"They're softer than they look," she smirked, deliberately obscure. "James isn't worth much if you take out his lackeys."

"Fat chance for me," I smirked at her, "I'm not pretty enough."

"Ah, you're just not their type," she teased in reply, bumping my arm with her shoulder as we started toward the Great Hall for lunch.

* * *

**Again, sorry for the short chapter, and there will be more Severus/Hermione goodness in the next chapter as well as a much-anticipated revelation on Hermione's side. *hint-hint***

**Thank you so much to everyone who has been reviewing. They are always welcome, appreciated, cherished, adored, and I try to respond to as many as I can.**


	8. Priorities

**Author's Note:** I won't keep you. Just read.

* * *

**Priorities**

I sat on my bed staring at the book in my lap, but I couldn't focus on the words. The last week had been awful. Ever since Monday morning. Hermione had botched a potion, which was extremely odd by itself, but then, after class…

My stomach still turned to remember it. I could not imagine what she saw in Sirius Black. Sure, I supposed he was attractive, if you happened to like the kind of man who probably found himself prettier than any of the many girls he shagged. And I supposed he could be considered charming if you found arrogance charming.

No, I didn't understand it at all. I'd really thought that Hermione had higher standards than that. I'd been convinced, not long ago, that she wasn't interested in dating anyone at all. Maybe she'd chosen Sirius because she just wanted someone to shag with no strings attached.

Merlin, that didn't make it much better. Now I had that imagine in my head.

Noticing that it was time for dinner, I reluctantly pulled myself up and started toward the Great Hall. I hadn't exactly been avoiding Hermione since Monday, but I definitely hadn't been seeking out her company either. She hadn't mentioned anything to me about Monday morning, which I took to mean that she didn't feel the need to disabuse me of the notion that she was shagging the prat. She also, evidently, didn't feel the need to share anything about it with me.

Okay, so I was a little glad for that part. The last thing I wanted was for her to treat me like a girlfriend and fill me in on those sordid little details.

The meal was quiet, as all our meals had been this week. I wasn't going out of my way to talk to Hermione and she didn't seem to feel that need either. It turned my stomach, but I had the feeling that it wasn't going to be too much longer before she gave up sitting with me altogether. Probably if Sirius was in Slytherin, she'd have done it already.

Hermione always disappeared after dinner, so I didn't even bother looking at her as I started back toward my room. I figured I'd probably spend the rest of the night staring at a book and not reading it while I lamented what Hermione and I had never really had.

"Severus, can we talk?" Hermione's voice startled me just when I was nearing the stairs down to the dungeons.

"I need to study, Hermione," I said cautiously, afraid of what she might suddenly want to talk to me about.

"This is important," she entreated gravely.

I sighed and nodded. Evidently, I was still incapable of denying her anything. The woman was going to be the death of me. Maybe tonight if she started talking about Sirius.

"My room?" she suggested with a smile that was off and not at all happy.

I nodded and started down the steps, trying to figure out what this could be about. Would she tell me about Sirius? Would she try to get me to play nice with them the way that Lily had done?

Lily. Gods. This was distressingly familiar. Lily had fallen for one of the Marauders. That had been the beginning of the end for us. I really hated my life.

Hermione led me into her room and I muttered the passphrase before entering. _By the grace of God, I am what I am._ It seemed terribly ironic at the moment. What I was would never be good enough…

Hermione closed the door behind us, then sat down on the sofa.

Though pacing would have suited me better, I followed her, sitting right at the edge of the seat while I waited to see if she meant to tear my heart out and in what manner.

"What is it?" I asked heavily when she didn't seem inclined to speak first.

She took a deep, nervous breath. "You've noticed that I've been a bit distracted lately."

I frowned and nodded. _Here is comes_.

"Well, you see, Professor Dumbledore has…"

_Okay, not what I was expecting._

"He's organized a group of people to… To oppose Voldemort."

My heart stuttered at the name, as it always did. I didn't understand why she so stubbornly used it all the time. And where was she going with this?

"I've joined it," she said uncomfortably.

My eyes widened as I tried to align my mind to the topic. "I don't understand," I admitted. "What… What exactly does this 'group' do?"

"Lots of things," she shrugged tensely. "Um, except for the student members, I guess. We'll just be getting extra training, preparing to join the war when we graduate. I, um… I was hoping that you'd join as well."

I stared at her for a long moment as I tried to figure this out. She was asking me to join Dumbledore's… what? Private army? I could see why he'd want Hermione in it. She was downright scary in a duel, and obviously driven by what had happened to her parents, but I just couldn't see him wanting me. "The headmaster wants me to join?" I asked warily.

She frowned and nodded.

"I've never gotten the impression that he trusted me," I explained, since she seemed confused. "Or that he cared for me at all, actually," and that was as nice as I could possibly put it. The man seemed to take pleasure in seeing me punished for crap the Marauders did to me.

"Well, he trusts me," she said somewhat sharply. "There is no one who wants to destroy Voldemort more than I do, and he knows that. And _I _trust you, Severus."

"So you had to beg him to let me join, did you?" I asked bitterly. I could almost see that conversation playing out.

"Severus, no!" she snapped. "You are the most intelligent and powerful wizard of your age that I have ever met. He'd be an idiot not to see how much good you could do with the Order."

I felt like she'd slapped me. How had I not seen this sooner? She saw me as an asset. Well, I really shouldn't have been so surprised. I'd known from the beginning that there had to be another reason for her befriending me. I was just angry with myself for ever considering otherwise.

"Is this why you've been my friend then?" I sneered bitterly. "Just to get me to join your stupid war? You're as bad as Slughorn and all the rest!" I needed to leave. Now. Before I reached for my wand.

"Severus, wait!" she cried, somehow managing to beat me to the door. She all but threw herself against it, preventing me from leaving without moving her. "That is _not _true!" she insisted.

Part of me wanted to draw my wand and insist that she let me leave. That stupid little hopeful part of me made me wait to see what she would say, praying that she could prove my fears wrong. I ended up just staring at her.

"Severus, I am your friend because I enjoy being with you," she entreated.

I stared at her, unable to determine if she was as earnest as she appeared.

"I'm your friend because you'll sit and do homework with me for hours and never get bored or annoyed," she continued, her tone becoming slightly frantic. "Because your mind challenges me as no one else ever has. Because you make me laugh. Because you're brave enough to not give a whit what our idiot classmates think of you!"

I swallowed hard as the words rushed out of her. Her eyes began to shine with unshed tears. Maybe I _had _been wrong to jump to conclusions.

"Because you've seen me at my very worst and you comforted me," she said unsteadily. "You held me instead of laughing or leaving. Because you're a good man." The tears escaped her eyes and she looked down quickly as if to hide them. "Damn it, Severus, you're my only friend in the entire world," she gasped out and my resolve crumbled.

I took a step forward and pulled her into my arms. If I needed any more proof of what she'd said, it came in the form of her whole body softening against me. I didn't understand what there was between her and Sirius, and I didn't fully know what to think of Dumbledore's little group, but I believed that I did matter to Hermione. No one was that good of an actor.

I drew her back to the sofa and sat down. She folded herself into my lap readily and buried her face in my chest. Merlin, but it felt good.

"Shh, Hermione, it's okay," I said quietly, softly rubbing her back with one hand while the other gently cradled her neck. "I'm sorry. That was stupid of me. I'm sorry." Truly, it was stupid of me. I'd jumped to conclusions. I hadn't given her a chance. Things had been tense between us all week, but the previous two months should have been enough for me to understand that she really cared about my friendship.

It was just so strange to me. It was strange to honestly believe that there was someone who could care about me, who could value me the way that she seemed to.

"You don't have to join the Order," she said quietly after a while. "It's important to me, Severus, but it's not as important as you."

My heart almost stopped at hearing that. I held her a little tighter and rested my head on her soft hair. More than anything else could have, what she had just said made me really consider the offer. "Can I think about it?" I asked quietly.

"Of course," she replied immediately, then sighed heavily and softened against me.

I continued to rub her back and just tried to enjoy her closeness while it lasted. She may never want me the way that I wanted her, but I didn't even care anymore. I wouldn't make the same mistake I'd made with Lily. I would keep Hermione's friendship even if she _married_ that prat.

"I don't know what I'd do without you," she said softly.

"I'm not going anywhere, Hermione," I said, and I made it a vow in my mind.

Her arm coiled around my chest and I forced my thoughts away before my body could react. Madam Wynsor in lingerie did the trick. I changed the style in my head every time Hermione shifted slightly in my lap.

Oh yes, this beautiful, confounding witch would most certainly be the death of me.

~.~.{o}.~.~

I was only just beginning to become aware of where I was when Hermione jumped off me, starling me into full awareness. I stared silently at her back for a moment. By the way her shoulders moved, she was breathing heavily. Gods, had we both fallen asleep like that?

I shifted uncomfortably and felt my face heat when I realized that I had a rather unmistakable hard on. And she'd been in my lap. Merlin. That was embarrassing.

I cast a quick tempus to check the time. Still an hour before breakfast. Good. I really needed to compose myself. I cleared my throat quietly. She didn't move. "Well, ah. I should probably get back to my room. Good morning."

"Good morning," she replied without turning around, her tone tense.

I let myself out, wondering if our relationship was going to be better or worse for what had happened since dinner last night.

I returned to my room as quickly as I could and slumped down onto my bed, glaring at the traitorous bulge in my trousers that had ruined what may otherwise have been a pleasant way to wake up. Not that I was in any way surprised. Hermione in my lap was just about the most arousing thing I'd ever experienced in my life. When I wasn't distracted by her tears, this situation was rather inevitable.

I drummed my fingers on my thigh for a moment, contemplating a cold shower. I really should, but… I could not stop thinking about her weight on top of me. Her soft body in my arms. My fingers tangled in her curls. Her warm breath on my neck…

Oh, sod it all!

I opened my trousers and slipped my hand inside. I was so hard it was almost painful. I was sure I'd still have plenty of time to get a shower before breakfast.

~.~.{o}.~.~

Hermione was a few minutes later than usual getting to breakfast. I had to suppress a relieved sigh when she sat down next to me. I'd been a bit worried that she might avoid me after this morning.

She started eating without even looking at me though, much less greeting me. After a few minutes of silence, I decided to say something.

"Hermione," I said uncertainly. "Ah, about last night."

I saw her looked up and scan our surroundings as though she was afraid of being overheard. No doubt Sirius wouldn't be thrilled to hear this.

After a moment, she looked at me with a small smile, "Really, Severus, it's not a big deal," she said simply. "Honestly, it was a bit disorienting to wake up like that, but not a big deal."

I tried to smile. She didn't seem to be upset with me, which was good. It seemed like she wasn't going to be awkward about it.

She returned to her food as though that was everything that could need to be said on the subject.

I tried to follow suit, but I wasn't feeling quite so cavalier about it. Maybe it really had been nothing more than mildly embarrassing to her, but… Well, it felt like more to me.

Damn, I was a fool. How could I possibly remain her friend without constantly wanting more? Would I ever be able to resign myself to the inevitable? Would it ever cease to sting that she didn't see me that way?

Why in Merlin's name did I always fall so hard for women?

Hermione was eating quickly. Before I'd even realized it, she was pushing away her plate. "I have some things to take care of today," she explained quickly. "I'm going to head to my house, so I may not be back until late."

"Okay," I said uncertainly. I was glad that she'd felt the need to share that with me. The way things had been between us the last week, I didn't think she would have. I was also disappointed that I wouldn't see her all day and that she was being so elusive about exactly what she was doing.

There was a whole beggars and choosers thing that was probably relevant though, so I didn't press my luck.

"I guess I'll see you later then," I said since I wasn't sure what else to say.

She smiled, "Maybe we can catch up on some homework tomorrow?"

I couldn't help but smile at the hopeful note in her voice. She actually wanted to spend Sunday with me. Not Sirius or anyone else. Even if it was just to study. "Sounds good."

I felt her hand press down on my shoulder as she got up, and she squeezed gently before walking away briskly.

I sternly told myself not to read into that.

~.~.{o}.~.~

I hadn't seen Hermione at all after breakfast on Saturday and was beginning to wonder if she'd ever come back last night as I was finishing my breakfast Sunday morning. I was just starting to get up when she arrived, dropping herself onto the bench next to me and attacking the food like she hadn't eaten since yesterday morning.

I'd never seen her tuck in with such… dedication before. I waited a few minutes but when she didn't seem like she was going to be slowing any time soon, I finally asked, "Did everything go okay yesterday?"

She nodded and paused in her eating long enough to swallow and speak, "As well as I expected," she answered before immediately shoveling in another large mouthful of waffles.

I gave her a couple more minutes before speaking again. "You still want to study today?"

She nodded.

"Where do you want to start?" I pressed. It was nearly time for breakfast to be over, so I didn't assume she could continue eating this way too much longer even if her stomach allowed.

It took a moment before she could speak. "How about Arithmancy?" she suggested. "I think I need something relaxing this morning."

"Sounds good," I smiled. Only Hermione would consider Arithmancy relaxing. I loved that about her.

She finished eating shortly after that and we retired to the library after collecting our relevant study materials. We quickly fell into the familiar habits of our studying. It was remarkably refreshing to know that we could still do that. At lunch, she again ate like it was her last meal, though she had slowed a bit from breakfast. We went back to studying before going to dinner together. Her appetite finally seemed to be getting back to normal then.

As I'd mostly expected, she bid me good night when we'd finished eating. She no longer gave excuses for where she went in the evenings, and I no longer asked about it.

I sighed after her, but hesitated only a moment before heading toward the dungeons. I expected I'd do some reading before bed, as I usually did.

I was just leaving the Great Hall though when I saw what looked like Hermione shoving someone into one of the unused classrooms. I blinked after her as the door clicked shut. My stomach fell as I wondered if she hadn't just pushed Sirius in there to snog.

Though I knew that I should just walk right by and forget I'd seen anything, my curiosity got the better of me. I crept up to the door and cautiously placed my ear right next to it, wondering if there would be a silencing charm. I quickly discovered that there was not.

"Then what do you want now?" I heard a male voice say, his tone hostile.

I automatically touched my wand while I waited to hear what was happening.

"To offer you an alternative," Hermione's voice responded, her tone cautious. "I know that the Dark Lord is not a kind master. I also know that he likes to hurt people, and I don't think that you do."

_What?_ I wondered. Hermione's voice continued after a brief pause.

"You don't have to say anything. Just listen for a moment. There are some people opposing the Dark Lord. Powerful people. That mark means that we can't protect you from him – not completely – but we can help you. We can train you to make you safer, better able to deal with him. We could use your help to fight him. Your knowledge of his organization, your observations of his movements."

That's when it hit me. She was _recruiting_ someone for that Order she'd told me about. How many people was she recruiting? I'd thought that it was just me because I was her friend, but… Unless I was very much mistaken, she was talking to Regulus Black. He was the only one I knew of in the school who'd already taken the mark.

"You want me to turn spy on the Great Lord?" Regulus' voice came faintly, unevenly. I didn't blame him. I could hardly believe what I was hearing. Had Dumbledore told Hermione to do this or was she acting on her own initiative?

"I'm only asking you to consider the possibility, Reg," she continued. "You don't need to make a decision now, nor even this month if you're not ready. Just keep it in mind. If things get bad."

"I'll think about it," Reg replied after a long moment. "No promises."

There was a brief moment of silence, and then a muffled shuffling. "What was that?" Reg's voice came suddenly, louder and frightened.

_What the hell?_

"I apologize," Hermione said, her voice deliberately even, as though she was trying to calm him. "It is only a precaution. It will prevent you from sharing this conversation with anyone else. Anyone at all."

Bloody hell. Had she just used some kind of spell on him against his will?

I heard footsteps suddenly moving toward the door and threw myself back, glad that my hand was already on my wand as I cast a hasty disillusionment and put my back to the wall, not daring to so much as breathe. I doubted that I'd managed the spell well enough to be truly invisible. That took a certain degree of concentration that I hadn't had time for.

Luckily, Regulus did not seem to be worried about eavesdroppers as he nearly ran out of the room and headed toward the dungeons.

I waited warily for Hermione to follow as the door swung shut, but she did not appear.

After a moment, I decided it would be in my best interests to leave while I had the chance and pretend this had never happened.

Hermione was evidently recruiting Death Eaters to spy for Dumbledore. Merlin, I'd had no idea that she was doing anything like that. She'd made it sound like the students in the Order were doing nothing more than receiving training to use later. I didn't think that she'd actually lied to me, which suggested that this sort of thing probably wasn't being asked of everyone. Granted, it would be ridiculous if it was. How many students _could _do something like that?

I'd admired Hermione before for her intellect and cunning, but I'd never really thought of how it might be used in a situation like that. It was a lot different from dealing with bullies and unwanted flirtations, but she was using the same skills.

The Order and the war began to take on new a meaning for me as I sat on my bed and ended up staring at the canopy instead of reading or sleeping. This was beginning to feel _real _on a level that it never truly had before.

* * *

**Okay, more Severus! Yay! Next chapter: Slughorn's Halloween party, and Dumbledore is meddling again. But could it actually be a good thing for once? ;-)**

**Thanks so much to everyone who regularly reviews. For everyone who doesn't, I promise that I never bite without permission. Go ahead. Give it a try.**


	9. Slughorn's Party

**Author's Note:** Okay, I'm somewhat happier with this chapter now. It is pretty heavy on dialog, which means that you'll be rereading a lot. Don't be afraid to skim through some of that. I don't want to bore you in a coma. I actually considered not adding a Severus' POV for this chapter at all, but I decided that there were enough points when his perspective was interesting that I'd do it anyway. Okay, that's enough from me. Read. Try to enjoy.

* * *

**Slughorn's Party**

I generally hated all of Slughorn's gatherings, but I found myself strangely looking forward to his Halloween party this year. I hadn't managed to ask Hermione to go with me as I'd hoped. I'd originally brought it up cautiously, asking her if she was going with anyone. She'd promptly told me that she had no intention of going with anyone, if she even went at all. It took the hint and didn't bother asking.

It wasn't until the morning of the event that she finally admitted that she'd decided to go. She didn't look really happy about the decision, but I didn't press her for details. I didn't really want to go to the party either, but I wasn't going to get on Slughorn's bad side. Not with my NEWTs approaching. While he wouldn't be able to affect my grade directly, I didn't doubt that he could find some way to make my life more difficult leading up to that point if I insulted him by blowing off his party. At a guess, Hermione had come to the same conclusion.

Choosing my costume wasn't that difficult. I wanted something that would look decent on me and wasn't flashy. I'd gone with an Unspeakable. All I'd actually had to do was add a hood to my dress robes and I added another charm I'd found to make them billow a little more when I moved because I liked the dramatic effect. Simple, and I looked as good as I was going to get.

I arrived at the party before Hermione and made a quick, obligatory round of mingling with Slughorn before sequestering myself in the corner near the buffet and doing my best to avoid everyone.

Hermione arrived almost half an hour late, but it was worth every second if she'd spent it putting that costume together. I hardly even recognized her. She was a walking, talking wet dream in that outfit. I'm quite certain that my heart literally stopped when I saw her, and my mouth fell open.

She just rolled her eyes at me like she thought I was being deliberately dramatic. Was it possible that she truly didn't know how breathtaking she was? I wasn't the only one in the room to notice either. _Everyone_ seemed to notice her entrance.

It felt very good to see her immediately start toward me, but Slughorn got to her halfway across the room. I waited impatiently while he drug her around the room, and watched with more than a little jealousy while she laughed and smiled with the Quiddich player, Malcolm Something. And then the auror, whose name I had not paid attention to.

When she started dancing with him, I tried not to watch. It wasn't easy though. She was a vision on the dance floor. And she was flirting with that too-pretty prat.

I told myself to ignore it. She didn't belong to me. She could flirt with anyone that she wanted.

"Having fun?" I snapped when she finally made her way over to me. Okay, so maybe I wasn't ignoring it so well.

"Definitely not," she grimaced, gulping down a cup of spiked punch in one swallow.

My scowl changed to a concerned frown at her mood. "Wait, was that guy bothering you?" I demanded.

She shook her head and looked at me, her unnaturally blue eyes meeting mine earnestly, "It's a long story. I'll explain later." Her voice just sounded weary.

I frowned, but nodded as my eyes were drawn over her shoulder by Lucius' approach. It was an effort not to roll my eyes. The man was ridiculously predictable.

"Hermione, you look positively sumptuous tonight." Yep. Predictable.

I watched with some amusement as Hermione grimaced in my direction before putting on a fake smile and turning to face the blond aristocrat.

"Lucius," she drawled, "You look… unfestive."

"But damn good," Lucius smirked.

I tried not to groan.

"Well, if you boys will excuse me," she said brightly. "I think I'll visit the ladies'."

And she somehow managed to escape Lucius and then the room in record time without seeming to rush at all. How did she do that?

I turned away from Lucius to get myself another drink, hoping that he wouldn't get any ideas that I wanted to talk to him.

Luckily, he didn't seem inclined to converse with me either. He turned in the other direction and watched the dance floor while we both silently awaited Hermione's return. I really hoped that she was coming back and hadn't just decided to call it an early night. I didn't think she'd do that without letting me know, but I could never be sure with her.

It was about five minutes later that she appeared once more. She approached me before I could say anything and startled me by stepping in far closer than I was accustomed to. Her lips near my ear, she said quietly, "Please just go with me on this."

I was still trying to figure out what that meant when Lucius joined us again.

"Hermione, my sweet, you need a man who is willing to dance with you," he crooned.

She turned to face the prat and I stiffened as I felt her arm slide around my waist and she leaned into my side. It took me only a moment to understand that this is what she must have meant. I quickly rested my arm over her shoulders, hoping that I was following her correctly.

"Hermione, would you like to dance?" I suggested, partially to follow what she seemed to be doing, partially just to annoy Lucius, and at least a little bit because it was a question I was eager to ask anyway.

She looked up at me, her eyes calculating, then a particularly sweet smile curled her lips. "Of course," she replied.

I tried not to feel too good about myself, since she probably had ulterior motives in accepting, but led her onto the dance floor all the same.

"What are we doing?" I asked curiously as my hand found the perfect curve of her waist.

She closed about half the distance I'd left between us and responded quietly, "I'm sorry. I just need to appear to have a date tonight, and my only other option right now is Lucius."

"That's not an option," I frowned.

She smiled, "Please don't make it look as though you're cross with me," she said quietly. "People are watching."

Right. I had to remember that we were acting as well as having a serious conversation. I tried to soften my expression as I continued. "Why do you need to pretend to have a date? Is it that idiot who you were dancing with?"

"Yes," she said quietly, her face schooled into a false mask so it was difficult to tell what she was really thinking.

"Hermione, just tell him to sod off," I advised quietly. "I'll go with you if you want." I didn't really think that she needed my help, but her magic still seemed a little off since her birthday, so I wasn't completely certain.

"I can't do that. It's complicated," she reminded me. "I'll explain everything once we're out of here."

Why did she keep saying things like that? It would sound ridiculous coming from anyone else, but I was actually starting to expect this kind of thing of Hermione. There always seemed to be something going on with her more than what she allowed anyone to see.

"So I'm pretending to be your date for the remainder of the party?" I relented.

"If that's okay," she said hopefully.

"As though I would leave you to Lucius," I said unhappily though I kept my face as calm as I could. She wouldn't be able to explain to Lucius that she was pretending, and he wouldn't care if she did. He'd definitely take advantage of the situation.

"Thank you," she smiled.

We danced for a few seconds in silence before she spoke again, her tone hesitant. "If you moved your hand to my hip, it might be more convincing."

She _wanted _me to… Merlin, I couldn't decide if this was the best night ever or the worst. I slid my hand a couple inches lower and drew her in closer to me so that her body brushed mine from time to time.

She smiled in response, and I tried hard to remember that we were acting as we finished the dance. Still, I was feeling pretty good by the time we left the dance floor. Until Slughorn completely ruined it when he intercepted us.

"Hermione, my dear! Severus! You two make a stunning couple," he slurred. "I didn't see you arrive together."

Hermione answered before I could even wonder what to say to that. "My hair was taking forever, so I told Severus to go ahead of me." She twisted her arm through mine and leaned against me again.

"My two best students. I knew from the first day that you'd come together," Slughorn shamelessly credited himself. "Come, come now. You must meet Ophelia. She's a potions' mistress. Owns the Bubbling Caldron Apothecary in Diagon. Splendid young woman…"

Hermione smirked at me and rolled her eyes as Slughorn ambled off, leading us across the room.

The rest of the party was an eye opening experience for me. Though I very much enjoyed having Hermione on my arm, leaning against me and gently running her fingers over the back of my hand, I learned something rather unsettling about her.

She was a fantastic liar.

I'd always known that she could act when she wanted to, using the skill to one-up the boys who annoyed her, but I'd never seen her do anything on this level. As we drifted between the small groups of people that Slughorn wanted us to meet, I watched Hermione shift perfectly into a role as an interested and interesting young woman that charmed them all. As soon as we turned away, however, it would be gone, and she'd be casting me significant glances that portrayed her annoyance with the whole situation.

The best part of the entire evening by far was the three dances that I was able to share with Hermione. Thanks to her ruse of being my date, I was able to hold her much more closely than I'd have otherwise had the courage to, even going so far as to move my hand to the small of her back. Her hand spent more time on my neck than my shoulder, and she had a way of running her fingers across the back of my neck that drove me completely insane.

I tried several times to get her to sneak out early with me because she didn't actually seem to be having that much fun, but she declined each time, finally telling me that she "couldn't" and that – not surprisingly – she'd explain later.

So we ended up staying until the very end. When the last stragglers were making their way out, she asked me to wait for her and went back inside alone, closing the door behind her.

I found myself staring uncertainly at the door as I could hear indistinct raised voices inside. Then I heard something that sounded like glass shattering.

I was just beginning to wonder how concerned I should be when the door flew open and Hermione appeared, her face noticeably pale even through her blue glamor. She motioned for me to wait again as she ducked into the loo and emerged a moment later with her shoulder bag. She then proceeded to lead me upstairs.

"Are you okay?" I asked as we ascended the third staircase at a pace just short of a jog.

She nodded.

"Did I hear something break in there with you and the professor?" I tried.

She nodded again.

I sighed quietly. She evidently didn't plan on explaining anything in the corridor.

As expected, she stopped before the secret room on the seventh floor that she called the Room of Requirement.

She frowned at the blank wall.

"Wait here a moment," she sighed, approaching the wall.

She reached out and a door appeared as she touched the handle. I blinked in surprise as she opened it quickly and stepped inside. The door vanished again as soon as it closed.

I sighed and waited maybe a minute before the door appeared again as it opened and none other than Sirius Black stepped out.

Just as my stomach was beginning to turn with unpleasant thoughts, I realized that Petti Blishwick, a pretty seventh year Ravenclaw was with him.

Hermione came out after them, her wand in hand like she was using it to herd them. It would have been funny if I wasn't so confused. Had she caught him cheating on her?

Sirius looked at me and his brow drew down. "Hey now," he complained. "How come you get to use the room to snog and I don't?"

Considering it was Sirius, my scowl managed to overcome my confusion. Outwardly, at least.

"Because you don't want to spend the night in the hospital wing covered in boil remover," Hermione said ominously, pointing her wand at them.

Black ushered Petti behind him, then raised his hands in surrender. "Point taken, love. Point taken," he said soothingly. "We'll just be on our way then." His eyes returned to me and his frown returned as he muttered something under his breath that I was sure had not been complimentary.

She shook her head once they were gone, then paced in front of where the door would be. When the door appeared, she stepped inside, gesturing for me to follow.

When the door had closed behind us, the words spilled out of my mouth unbidden. "So you're _not _with Sirius?"

"Merlin, no!" she cried at once, looking somewhere between shocked and disturbed. Then understanding filled her eyes and her lip curled in distaste. "Oh, we were _not _going off to snog that day!"

"Oh," I said dimly. I didn't quite see how this was supposed to be so obvious to me.

"We were talking about the Order," she sighed.

"He's a member?" I asked in disbelief.

She nodded.

"And his friends?" I almost groaned.

"I haven't heard back from them yet, but James and Remus have been invited to join, yes."

"You talked like this was serious," I complained. "Why would they be involved?"

"Look, I know they're juvenile," she admitted wearily, "but they're also talented and powerful. Given the right instruction…" she shrugged. "They have potential."

I considered that warily, then admitted. "I've been thinking about your offer." I sat down on the sofa near the wall that I didn't remember being here the last time. "I think I'd like to join, but if I'm going to have to deal with those three…" I really shouldn't have been putting off giving her an answer for so long, but this was something that I didn't want to enter lightly. It wasn't like joining a school club. I got that now.

"They won't bother you," she promised immediately. "Not when we're doing anything related to the Order."

"They _always _bother me," I pointed out.

"Do you trust me?" she posed.

"Of course."

"Then trust that I will deal with them," she asked.

I sighed. Damn woman could make a point when she wanted to. "Yeah. All right," I relented.

"Then you'll join," she surmised.

I nodded.

She grinned hugely, which was almost enough by itself to make my decision worth it. Then she quickly sat down next to me and wrapped her arms around me, hugging me tightly. Okay, yeah. Totally worth it.

"Thank you, Severus," she breathed fervently. "I cannot begin to tell you what this means to me."

I returned her hug, trying to remind myself not to enjoy it too much. "Um, will you tell me what tonight was about now?" I asked, needing to distract myself as much as get any answers at this point.

She drew away from me and it was an effort not to try to maintain the contact.

"Yes," she said distractedly, still smiling. "I just have to…" She drew her wand and _accio_'d from it that small journal that she'd recently taken to writing in.

She scribbled something quickly onto one of the pages, then closed it and dropped it into her bag again before returning her full attention to me. "Okay. What did you want to know?"

"What was going on with you and that auror?" I asked to begin.

"He's a Death Eater," she grimaced.

"What? That does _not _explain why you were hanging all over him," I said unhappily.

"Dumbledore asked me to… get to know him. For the Order," she offered as explanation.

I blinked at her in total shock. This was an Order thing? "He told you to _flirt _with a Death Eater?"

"He told me to get acquainted with him," she qualified carefully. "Flirting seemed like my best avenue under the circumstance."

"But he's a Death Eater!" I couldn't help but stress. "After what happened to your parents…"

"I know, Severus!" she snapped. "Do you think that I enjoyed it? It was all I could do to not physically attack him."

I tried to calm down. "Is this the kind of thing the headmaster expects of us?" I asked, wondering if I hadn't made the wrong choice in joining. But no. Hermione wasn't going to be talked out of it. At least if I was a member, I could try to look out for her.

"Severus, this is war," she said with quiet intensity. "And we are Slytherins. Subterfuge is rather our forte."

War. That word was so much easier to comprehend when referenced in relation to some historical event, or something happening far away in the muggle world. The last real wizarding war had been against Grindelwald more than thirty years ago. Considering that Dumbledore had finished him, the Order really may have been the best hope against the Great Lord.

"What happened after you were alone with Slughorn?" I asked, deciding to switch gears a bit.

She blushed faintly. "I was just reminding him about a potion that he promised to brew for Dumbledore."

"Why?" I wondered. It seemed like the headmaster could do that himself.

She shrugged, "I really have no idea why he thought he needed me to do it, but he asked, so I did."

Like it was just that simple. He told her what to do so she did it. Was this going to be my life? "So we're just soldiers following orders," I said quietly.

"Sirius and his ilk may simply be following orders. I won't follow anyone blindly," she corrected with a surprising amount of venom.

"What do you mean?" I asked warily.

"It's not safe to talk about it now," she frowned.

I studied her for a moment, but I didn't think she'd say more if I pressed, so I reluctantly let it go. I could only hope that she'd stop being so irritatingly mysterious once I was officially a member as well.

"Okay, I need to ask you something," she sighed as though it had been eating away at her for a while. She sat down at my side again and looked at me very seriously.

"All right," he said cautiously.

"What we did tonight…" she said uneasily. "Pretending to be together…"

I wasn't sure that I liked where this was going.

"Is there any way that you would consent to making it more permanent?" she asked quickly, like she was trying to get it all out before I interrupted. Or before she changed her mind.

I took a moment to be certain that I'd heard that correctly. "You're asking me to be your fake boyfriend?" I checked, just in case I hadn't heard it right.

She looked a bit embarrassed. "Yes. I suppose I am."

"Why?" I wondered.

"For one, it would keep Lucius at bay," she sighed, "and if it was known that we were in a… committed relationship, it could serve to protect me from… Well, other unwanted attentions."

I took a moment to read between the lines. "So when you need to flirt with the enemy, you have an excuse to stop it," I concluded, hoping that I didn't look as green as I suddenly felt.

She frowned, "Severus, if this is too much for you, you don't have to do it. I know that I'm asking a lot."

"I'll do it," I said quickly before she could take it back.

"Really?" she asked, looking genuinely surprised.

I sighed, "It's to protect you. I couldn't live with myself if you were… I mean, if _that _happened because I said no." I didn't even want to consider that possibility, but if she really meant to go around flirting with Death Eaters…

"Okay. If you're sure," she said slowly, like she was waiting for me to come to my senses. "And we can always 'break up' if you decide that you want to be with someone else. Sirius is a member of the Order. I might be able to convince him to do it. Or Remus, if he joins."

My heart stuttered erratically at that last comment. "Merlin, no! Don't trust Lupin, Hermione!"

"I know he's a werewolf, Severus," she frowned.

That pulled me up short. She knew? "How…?"

"I've known a werewolf before. Once you know the signs, it's not difficult to spot," she shrugged. "I'm actually surprised he's gone this long without being discovered, but that doesn't make him a bad person, Severus."

I refrained from saying _of course it does!_

"It doesn't," she snapped as though she'd heard my thoughts. "The werewolf that I knew was my teacher and my friend, Severus. You don't have to like Remus, but please don't hate him on account of something that is beyond his control."

She clearly felt strongly about this, and I couldn't imagine that I'd be changing her mind. "Okay," I relented reluctantly. "I still don't like him, but I'll try to… I'll try." Was there anything I wouldn't do for this woman? Probably not.

"Thank you," she said quietly.

I hesitated a moment before I had to ask, "Are you sure you wouldn't rather pretend to date Sirius?" I really didn't _want _her to, but it just seemed absurd that she'd truly prefer to be seen dating me rather than that pretty arse.

To my immense gratification, she laughed at that idea. "Definitely not. Aside from the way he would whinge about not being able to chase every skirt in the castle at his leisure, the man would enjoy the act far too much."

Well, at least she seemed to mean that. And it did make sense. Assuming that she truly wouldn't enjoy the act.

"Really, Severus!" she said in exasperation. "That man is a _dog _if I have ever seen one."

There had been some significance to the way that she'd said that…

"Yes, I know about him as well," she said offhandedly.

"Is there any secret in this castle that you haven't learned in two months?" I demanded.

"Well, clearly I wouldn't know if there was," she chuckled.

I rolled my eyes at her humor.

"Okay," she said, her tone suddenly businesslike as she all but hopped to her feet. "I need to wash off this glamor. Would you mind waiting for me so that we can go back to the common room together?"

"So everyone will think we snuck off to snog, as you conveniently allowed Sirius to believe," I gathered as I got up.

"That was presumptuous. I'm sorry," she said quickly.

"It's fine," I sighed. "He probably would have believed that regardless of what you said. I'll wait."

"Thanks," she smiled.

I watched as she hurried across the room and slipped behind some screens that I'd never really paid any attention to. I was just wondering what exactly was back there when I heard the unmistakable roar of the Hogwarts bath faucets.

And I quickly became incredibly aware of the fact that Hermione was going to be in the bath right on the other side of those screens.

The urge to go over there was very strong. I found myself pacing the room, running my homework through my mind in an attempt to distract myself.

Hermione appeared again after a fairly short period of time. She was wearing a simple white dress now that nonetheless looked stunning on her. She ran her hands through her freshly fixed hair as she approached me, and smacked her lips together a few times. "Good?" she asked me.

I tried to remember how to swallow. "Yep," I managed. Good? Was the woman daft? Great. Fantastic. Beautiful. Sexy as bloody HELL? Much more fitting adjectives.

She stepped into me then and I froze as her fingers slid into my hair, struggling to think about anything except how close she was standing to me and exactly how amazing her fingers felt in my hair.

"There's no way I'd leave your hair looking so pretty," she smirked at me when she at last removed her hands from me.

I was glad that she looked away from me then, because I don't think I could have managed anything but stunned.

She picked up her bag from the sofa, then returned to my side, slinging her arm through mine. "Ready?" she inquired.

I took a deep breath and nodded.

"Just follow my lead," she smiled encouragingly.

"Yes, dear," I sighed.

She chuckled at me and opened the door.

We walked in silence through the darkened nighttime corridors until we reached the first floor. Without warning, Hermione shoved me into a secret passage behind a tapestry and all but pinned me to the wall. I opened my mouth to ask her what she was doing, but she pressed a finger across my lips to silence me.

And then I heard the footsteps in the corridor. It was almost impossible to believe that she'd heard them so much sooner, but I nodded to her meaningful look.

We waited, hardly breathing, as the steps I recognized as belonging to McGonagall, came nearer to us. Then there was a pause and the click of a door closing. Then silence.

I breathed a silent sigh of relief as Hermione cautiously peeked out, then took my hand to lead me. "Good reflexes," I whispered softly as we started down the corridor once more.

She flashed me a smile and we snuck passed McGonagall's office, hurrying down to the dungeons without meeting anyone else.

When we stood before the wall that concealed the common room, she tucked herself beneath my arm, snuggling against me. It was utterly unfair what that contact did to me.

"Do try to look happy, Severus," she said quietly. "We're supposed to seem as if we've been enjoying ourselves."

I tried to shape my face into something more pleasant whilst struggling to not enjoy myself, lest I enjoy myself _too _much.

Hermione must have been satisfied with my efforts, because she spoke the password and we stepped into the common room where Lucius and Narcissa were present, as well as a few others.

Lucius seemed to be trying to murder me with his glare, whereas Narcissa just looked plainly surprised. I didn't give them more than a glance before joining Hermione in heading toward the hall to her room.

She paused at the steps and turned back to me, leaning up to brush soft lips against my cheek while her fingers carded lightly through my hair.

"Goodnight," she smiled softly.

I watched her walk all the way down to her room, then turned and headed for my own without looking at anyone in the common room.

When I was safely behind my wards, I collapsed onto my bed and stared blankly up at the canopy. I ran the entire night through my head twice before I could begin to believe that all of that had really happened.

I was now Hermione's fake boyfriend in order to prevent her from getting raped by the Death Eaters that she deliberately flirted with. My life was getting strange. Not that I was really upset by my situation, even if the reason for the necessity bothered me more than a little. There were worse things than pretending to be Hermione's boyfriend. Much worse.

I felt a smile tugging at my lips as I remembered how very much I'd gotten to touch her tonight. Reasonably, that was likely to continue. I may have to come up with some creative new ways of distracting myself, like maybe my father in lingerie… ew. Whatever. It would be worth it.

* * *

**I very much hope to have the next chapters out much more quickly. I'm quite excited about the next ones. Let's see, what do we have coming up? Sirius gets a bit of much needed character development, the Hogwarts Halloween ball, and the complications of a "fake" relationship and real feelings.**


	10. Seeds

**Author's Note: **Okay. Severus' POV. It's only been edited once, so hopefully there aren't too many errors.

* * *

**Seeds**

Hermione sat down next to me at breakfast, considerably closer than she usually did, and leaned her head against my shoulder.

"Good morning," I greeted uncomfortably. It was going to take some getting used to, having her acting like that around me.

"That's one opinion," she grumbled, clearly not feeling particularly well this morning.

"Were you out all night?" I asked quietly.

"I went up to the Room of Requirement to sleep," she yawned.

"Why?" I wondered.

She shook her head without lifting it from my shoulder. "I'd rather not talk about it right now, if you don't mind."

I nodded reluctantly. Everything that she didn't tell me sometimes bothered me a bit, but I couldn't completely fault her for not wanting to talk about some things in the middle of the crowded Great Hall. Deciding to take advantage of the fact that we were in public and therefore pretending to be together, I wrapped my arm around her shoulder.

She slid slightly closer to me, and for a long moment, we simply sat that way. I tried not to think about the fact that it wasn't real.

Finally, she sat up and started loading her plate, so I released her and focused on my own breakfast.

After a few minutes, she sighed quietly and bent down to retrieve that leather journal from her bag. She opened it and stared at a blank page for a moment, then glanced up at me. Her expression didn't suggest that she was irritated with my looking over her shoulder, so I risked asking her about it.

"A gift from the headmaster," she replied quietly, then added the line I'd come to expect by now. "I'll explain later."

She gathered a quill and I watched as she put it to the page and began writing, though nothing appeared on the page. Whatever she wrote was brief. She closed it again and went back to her breakfast, only to take two bites and pick up the journal again. Once more, she looked at a blank page, then penned something else brief and invisible.

When she was done, she dropped it unceremoniously into her bag and went back to eating without a word.

We parted after breakfast as usual since I had Defense and she had a free period. The class went uneventfully apart from the fact that Sirius Black and Lucius Malfoy both seemed to be trying to stare holes in the back of my head. Actually, I was getting strange, assessing, or hostile looks from the majority of the class. Good news evidently traveled fast.

When class let out, Professor Moody asked me to wait a moment. Once everyone else was gone, he closed the door.

"Is everything okay, sir?" I asked warily.

He nodded, "As far as I know. I couldn't help but notice though that most of the class seemed more interested in you than in my lesson. Is everything okay?"

I grimaced, unaccountably embarrassed, and realized that I was about to face my first real test in this fake relationship. "I think everyone's just a little surprised, sir," I shrugged, going for nonchalant.

One white eyebrow lifted curiously.

"Well, Hermione and I… We're, ah… Together." Yeah. I _clearly_ had a future as a spy with glib composure like that.

Annoyingly, Moody looked as surprised as everyone else seemed to be. "Well, that's… great news," he said, recovering quickly and offering me a smile. "Congratulations."

"Thank you, sir," I smiled sheepishly. If he hadn't seemed so obviously pleased, it would have been a lot easier to pretend like it was real. If I hadn't respected him above every other teacher I'd ever had, it would have been a lot easier to lie to his face. "I should probably get to Potions, sir."

"Of course," he said with a grin, clapping me on the back before I could escape.

I was so grumpy after that confrontation, that I almost didn't want to see Hermione when I entered the potions lab. Which was a first.

But then she smiled at me, her eyes lighting up at the sight of me.

I could barely concentrate through potions, and she didn't seem to be doing much better. I was guessing that her reason had to do with the professor, considering the looks she kept shooting at him whenever he turned away. I was trying to figure out what I'd gotten myself into with her and the Order. Lying wasn't generally something that bothered me, considering that there were so few people that I cared about enough that lying to them felt wrong. But would it always be like this with her?

When she started slicing the Mandrake tubers, I leaned in closer to her to make sure she was getting the thickness right, and I didn't even realize that I'd put my hand on her back until Slughorn bellowed at us.

"Mr. Snape! Miss Wilkins! This is a classroom, not a brothel. Ten points from Slytherin from each of you for fraternizing in class!"

I all but jumped away from Hermione, completely bewildered by the extremely uncharacteristic subtraction of points from Slughorn's own house. I glanced at Hermione and saw that her cheeks were colored, her downturned face set in a scowl. Then I glanced around the rest of the room to see that I wasn't alone in my shock. Even the Gryffindors seemed too shocked to enjoy what had just happened.

Hermione and I kept a careful distance through the rest of the class.

Once we were out in the hall, I felt brazen enough to put my arm around her and draw her close to my side. "What was that about with Slughorn?" I whispered, our slow pace allowing the other students to pass us.

"I don't think Slughorn appreciated Dumbledore sending me to talk to him last night," she replied just as quietly.

I huffed in annoyance. "No chance the headmaster will see about getting those points back to Slytherin."

"It does seem unlikely," she agreed with a small smirk.

The rest of the day's classes went a bit smoother, thankfully, though we still endured a lot of staring. Even the professors seemed unaccountably interested in us. I tried to take my cues from Hermione, and she seemed to be pretending that she didn't notice, so I attempted to do the same. Honestly, I would have rather basked in the fact that I, Severus Snape, was dating the smartest, sexiest girl in school. If I'd really been dating her.

~.~.{o}.~.~

As we were going for a "fashionably late" entrance, I arrived at the doors to the Great Hall at a quarter after seven. I waited only a few minutes before the click of heels on the floor drew my attention to…

_Wow._

Wilhelmina was a gorgeous witch, but she had nothing on Hermione. I had to remind myself how to breathe as she joined me. "You look… very nice," I said, as neutrally as I could manage, since this wasn't a _real _date, after all.

Her eyes appraised me quickly and her lips twisted into a smirk. "So do you," she returned.

"You ready?" I asked as she curled her arm around mine.

"One moment," she said quietly, and I realized that she actually looked a bit nervous. She closed her eyes for a moment, then took a slow, deep breath and let it out. "Okay," she said finally.

She hadn't told me if she had an agenda tonight, but I now suspected that she did. I opened the door and let her lead the way inside.

Any insecurity I'd observed from her before was completely gone as she entered the room draped in a confident arrogance that she generally seemed to reserve for dealing with boys who flirted with her. I followed her right through the middle of the dance floor, trying not to be obvious about it as I marveled at the way other students scuttled out of our way.

When she stopped at the drink table, I readily got drinks for both of us, in part just so that I could turn around and take a moment to gather my composure. She smiled appreciatively as she sipped at hers.

I tried to act natural as Dumbledore joined us. It was much easier to get my head around the fact that we were working for the man when everything was coming through Hermione.

"Very well done, Miss Wilkins," he said quietly, his eyes focused on the dance floor as though he may not have been talking to us at all.

"Professor McGonagall did most of the work, sir. You should be complimenting her," Hermione replied casually.

"She may have cast a few spells, my dear, but you have made it memorable," Dumbledore said with a twinkle in his blue eyes. "Don't forget to socialize," he added before drifting away.

Hermione's arm around my waist tightened slightly. "Shall we dance?" she smiled at me.

"I'm not entirely sure that I know how to dance to this," I admitted. I didn't want to embarrass her.

"Just find a ballroom beat behind the music and pace us to it," she suggested.

I considered that for a moment, listening to the song. After a few seconds, I heard it. I nodded with a small smile and led her out onto the floor. I really hoped that I didn't mess this up. Not only was I afraid of embarrassing her, but I also wanted to impress her.

Once we started moving though, it got easier and I became more confident as she responded to my lead with complete trust.

For the space of the next three songs, I could almost forget that she wasn't really my date, and that we weren't really together. The walk off the dance floor was a depressing descent into reality, though she did readily tuck herself beneath my arm again.

"Go to the loo," she said after a moment.

"Excuse me?" I blinked, not sure that I'd heard her correctly.

"I need to mingle," she explained patiently. "It will be easier without my bodyguard. Just keep your distance when you come back. I'll find you if I need you."

Unhappily, I realized that she meant she needed to be able to flirt freely. Sometimes I hated my life.

"Right," I nodded, going for neutral. This is what I'd signed on for, after all. No point whinging about it now. I leaned down to press a quick kiss to her forehead before leaving, but she didn't release my arm.

When she tugged, I turned back to her curiously, only to see her step into me before pressing her lips to mine.

Her lips moved against mine and all I could do was kiss her back. Merlin, she tasted so much better than I could have anticipated. And she was kissing me back. Some distant part of my mind was gibbering in disbelief, but I ignored it. It wasn't until after my tongue touched her lip that I realized how stupid it had been to do that. But then she returned it and I almost groaned. Our lips parted at the same time, and for a few seconds, the world was utterly perfect.

Then she drew away from me and I blinked as reality came crashing down again. Right. That had been part of our "fake" relationship. It hadn't felt fake. At all. She couldn't be that good an actor. She must have taken some enjoyment from that. Right? The way she was grinning at me suggested that she had, but was it a real smile?

"You stay here," she whispered. "I need to go check my journal." She was still smiling as she swept passed me to cross right through the dance floor again.

Merlin, I was getting a headache.

I poured myself another drink and found an out of the way place to sit while I waited for her to come back.

I tried to think about something else – anything else, really – but the sensation of her lips on mine… that maddening taste… the way she'd kissed me back… _It may realistically be weeks before I stop thinking about that. _

When I saw her on the dance floor with Lucius, I had to fight down a powerful surge of irrational jealousy. Incredibly irrational, I reminded myself. First, she wasn't actually mine to begin with. Second, I knew for a fact that she had less than no interest in Lucius romantically. The only reason she'd be dancing with him was if it had something to do with her work for Dumbledore. Considering that the Malfoys were known supporters of the Dark Lord, it probably wasn't surprising that she was dancing with him.

I wondered what they were talking about while they danced. From what I could see of Hermione's face, she looked aloof.

And then she just walked away from him. Right in the middle of the dance.

It was an effort not to snicker at the indignation on Lucius face as he watched her go.

I stood as Hermione approached me directly.

"What was that about?" I wondered, surprised by how natural it felt to put my arm around her.

"Just planting seeds," she answered mysteriously, then promptly changed the subject. "Have you seen Regulus?"

I struggled to switch gears and considered her question, looking around the room. "No," I noted. "Is that a problem?"

"Maybe not," she shrugged, "It is interesting though."

I thought about the conversation I'd overheard between her and Regulus and wondered if she'd been successful in recruiting him. Considering that I hadn't mentioned hearing that, I didn't comment on it.

"What else do you need to do tonight?" I wondered.

"More of the same," she said with a light sigh.

"The headmaster keeps looking at us," I warned quietly. It was impossible not to notice the man snatching glances at us every time his gaze trailed toward our side of the room.

"Probably listening to us as well," she smirked without lowering her voice very much.

"Why?" I wondered.

"Because he's nosey, I expect," she said with a glance toward the man in question.

I was starting to realize that Hermione was on much more personal terms with the headmaster than I'd guessed. She didn't seem at all nervous about him. Granted, she must talk to him pretty often considering what she was doing for him. And if I was right about that journal that she wrote in all the time, she conversed with him regularly in that way.

I tried not to tense when Hermione turned so that she was facing me and tucked both arms around my waist. "I think I'm going to work my way through the Slytherin sixth and seventh years and see what I can see," she informed me, nothing about her posture or tone suggesting the context of our conversation. "Most of the Gryffindors will come willingly enough, so I might start on the Ravenclaws next."

"What exactly are you doing?" I wondered.

"Just testing the waters," she said lightly, "looking for sympathies and leanings. Gathering information for Professor Dumbledore to use later." And with that, she leaned up and touched her lips to mine in a chaste kiss that nevertheless made my head spin and my breath catch. "Try to stay in sight so I can find you if I need you, but don't stare too much," I vaguely heard her say.

I nodded, not trusting my voice, and regretfully released her. I watched as she drifted over to the buffet table, and returned to my seat to avoid staring too much.

Within just a couple minutes, she was swept onto the dance floor by one of Lucius' cronies.

I spent the rest of the night watching her flit around the room from one man to the next, occasionally inserting herself into groups of girls, mostly Ravenclaws. Though I'd have expected that to be a cool reception, she seemed to insinuate herself fairly quickly. Within minutes, the distrustful stares had become cautious smiles and then fairly relaxed laughs. I supposed that she was smart enough to win Ravenclaws over.

She returned to me just often enough that it didn't seem like she'd completely forgotten my existence, and I got a few more dances and a few more chaste kisses from her, but nothing like that first kiss. Unfortunately.

As with Slughorn's party, we remained until the hall began to clear out at the end of the dance. It didn't occur to me just how tired she must be after so much dancing all night until we left the hall and she started leaning on me more and more.

When we reached her room, I took her inside and tucked her into her bed, since I wasn't entirely certain she'd make it across the room without help.

"You should stay for a bit," she said groggily when I rose to leave.

I paused, uncertain of what she meant.

"For apperances," she sighed.

I nodded. That made sense. That way anyone left in the common room would think we'd be snogging or something.

By the time I made it to the sofa, she was completely out. Deciding to wait about half an hour before going to my own bed, I selected a book from her shelf and settled down to read for a bit.

~.~.{o}.~.~

"HARRY! NOOOOO!"

I woke to screaming. Heart in my throat, I checked quickly to make sure that we were alone in the room. Seeing that we were, I hurried over to the bed. She was curled into a ball sobbing uncontrollably now.

I didn't even hesitate to sit down next to her and pull her against me. It was a long moment before she even seemed to realize that I was there, and then she turned into me and returned my embrace.

"Are you okay?" I asked gently when she'd finally begun to calm down, though she was still shaking.

"Yes," she replied quietly.

"Does this happen a lot?" I worried.

"Almost every night," she nodded numbly.

I held her more tightly, hating it that there was nothing I could do to make this better. "This is why you sneak out to sleep in the Room of Requirement," I assumed.

"It can prevent nightmares," she confirmed.

"Well, then why don't you just sleep in there in the first place?" I wondered.

"Too stubborn, maybe. And I won't always be here where I can use it," she answered quietly.

"What about dreamless sleep?" I asked hopefully.

"Every night?" she scoffed quietly. "I'd kill myself."

I knew that, but I still wished there was some solution I could offer. "I wish that I at least had a calming draught," I admitted as her whole body shuddered again.

"I'll be okay," she soothed. "Why are you in my room?" she suddenly wondered.

"You told me to wait a bit," I grimaced faintly. "I dozed off on your sofa."

"Sorry," she sighed. "I didn't know you were so tired."

"I didn't either," I admitted, resting my chin on her head.

"Severus," she said quietly.

"Hm?"

"I…" she sighed softly. "Never mind."

* * *

**Okay, the next chapter is going to pick up directly from this point. This conversation is not yet over. ;-) What else do we have coming up? Ah, yes. More with the Marauders, and where ****_was _****Regulus on Halloween? As always, please review. :-D**


	11. Honesty

**Author's Note: **Okay, I would have had this chapter done a bit sooner, but my brother called and gabbed at me for over an hour. Feel free to blame him. And thanks so much to everyone who expressed concern/wished me well in regard to my health. I am feeling much better today. I'll go ahead and attribute that you're your kind wishes.

_The italicized section at the start is a refresher from the last chapter as this one picks up directly._

* * *

**Honesty**

"_Severus," she said quietly._

"_Hm?"_

"_I…" she sighed softly. "Never mind."_

"Hermione, what is it?" I asked as gently as I could.

"You're always there for me when I need you," she said quietly. "I just… I appreciate it."

"Of course, I am," I replied, glad that she couldn't see my strained smile. "You're my best friend, Hermione."

"And your fake girlfriend," she added cheekily.

"Yes. And that," I agreed with what little enthusiasm I could manage.

"What if…" she started, then stopped. "Professor Moody knew that you were lying to him about our relationship today."

I grimaced. Had he told her about that, or had she deduced it? "Really? I'll, ah…" What exactly? Damn it. "Is that going to be a problem?" I asked instead. "I mean, do we really have to fool Moody?"

She shook her head. "No. He's a member of the Order."

"Really?" I asked, stunned. That was… Well, that was fantastic news. That meant that I wouldn't have to lie to him. And it made me feel even better about being part of the Order. "Well, I'll work on trying harder," I offered.

"Maybe we should stop pretending," she said suddenly, sounding uncomfortable.

My heart plummeted. I'd made one mistake, and she was already giving up on me… Well, maybe she'd discovered that she didn't like having to pretend to be my girlfriend. I drew back enough to get a look at her face to make sure I was reading her correctly.

She looked so nervous that I was sure I was. I nodded, trying not to make a big deal of it. "Sirius may be a better choice," I allowed.

"What? No! That's not what I meant!" she said quickly, looking completely stunned.

I frowned in confusion. "Then what did you mean?"

"I _meant _what if I was really your girlfriend?" she corrected, her cheeks turning faintly pink.

I stared at her, trying to make sense of what she'd just said. Was it possible that I'd heard that right? "You're saying… _Really_? As in… Really?" I stammered, too shocked to even be properly embarrassed for what I must have sounded like.

She nodded.

"You really like me?" I had to clarify.

"Yes, Severus. I _really _like you," she said, her cheeks closer to red now than pink. "Romantically," she added, despite her obvious embarrassment.

I was somewhat afraid to believe that this was really happening. "Then, yes," I said quietly. Old instincts screamed at me that this couldn't be real. She must be setting me up for some joke. She couldn't possibly be earnest. Or maybe… "Wait. You're not just doing this because I'm such a poor liar, right?"

"Even I am not that cruel, Severus," she said with a wince, and I got the feeling that I'd really hurt her with that question.

"That's not what I meant!" I retracted immediately, even though it pretty much was. I hadn't really considered how it may sound to her. It had just seemed more likely to me than what she was evidently saying. "I'm sorry. That was really stupid," I said genuinely. "I'm just… It's just hard for me to believe," I tried to explain. "You… Well, I mean, you really think of me like that?"

She nodded, but her expression said that her thoughts were elsewhere now. "It wouldn't be easy. I… My life is so complicated that even I don't want to be a part of it," she said quietly. "So I don't expect you to want it. And-"

"I do," I interrupted quickly.

"Really?" I asked warily.

"Yes, Hermione," I promised. Could she really think that _I _wouldn't want _her_? I'd have to be a true pillock. "I'm already in your life," I explained. "I'm in the Order. I… Well, I wish you'd tell me more, I guess, but I…"

I was rambling like an idiot, so I stopped, studying her. She really seemed to mean it. Experimentally, I lifted my hand to brush my fingers across her cheek. It was something I should be able to do if she was in earnest, right?

She didn't flinch away from the contact, or even look at me strangely. Her eyes drifted shut and she leaned slightly against my hand. My breath caught at the demonstration of affection. My eyes settled on her lips. Suddenly, I couldn't stop thinking about that kiss last night. If she really liked me, she wouldn't mind, right?

Telling myself that it was as much an experiment as anything, I leaned forward, touching my lips to hers before I could talk myself out of it. When she flinched at the contact, I realized that I'd probably gone too far, and hastily made to move away.

But then she leaned into me. Her hands were suddenly in my hair and I couldn't have ended the kiss if I'd wanted to.

And, finally, it really hit me. There was no one else around now to benefit from this kiss. She didn't have to do it. She really _wanted _to kiss me. She really _did _like me.

My arms encircled her almost of their own accord, and I tasted her lips. Her mouth opened beneath mine, inviting. I tried to remind myself to stay calm, remain collected, pace myself instead of just attacking her like I wanted to. My tongue stroked hers gently, and she moaned very softly. It was a sound of such pleasure, and _I _had done that to her.

And then she shifted herself so we were chest to chest, the inside of her thighs against the outside of mine, and her… Dear Gods. It didn't even realize how hard I'd become until she was pressed against it.

Very much afraid that I was about to do something terribly embarrassing, like start thrusting against her, I very quickly put my hands on her hips sliding her back enough that she stopped touching me like that, even though I could have groaned at the sudden absence.

"Sorry," I said instead, leaning my head against hers.

"Nothing to apologize for," she said breathily, shaking her head slightly.

For a long moment, there was only the sound of our labored breathing, and I realized that she may have been as… excited as I was.

"So, ah… Just to clarify," I said when my breathing began to slow. I didn't really want to ruin the moment, but I felt the need to be perfectly clear about this. "We're together now? No more pretending?"

"No more pretending," she agreed with a small smile.

"Exclusively?" I felt the need to stress.

"Definitely," her smile grew, but then quickly twisted into a grimace. "I mean, I may still have to, ah… You know, for the Order."

Oh hell, I'd completely forgotten about that for a moment. There was a reason that we'd be pretending in the first place, after all. I wanted to tell her no to. I didn't even want to think about her flirting with anyone else. Merlin, I just wanted her to be mine now.

"But just flirting, right?" I checked uneasily.

"Right," she agreed fervently.

Well, I could handle that, right? It wasn't like I had a lot of choice. I knew that I was going to hate every second of it, but… This was Hermione. She was worth it. "Okay," I sighed. "I can handle that. I guess. I mean, I know that you don't enjoy it either." _Damn it, Severus, just stop talking._

"Definitely not," she agreed wearily.

"Okay," I nodded.

She leaned back without actually letting go of me, and turned her head toward the clock by her bed. "We should probably get some sleep," she suggested. She climbed off me and I made a huge effort to avoid sighing mournfully.

I joined her in leaving the bed, wondering if I should kiss her again before I left.

Her hand closed around mine and she surprised me by asking, "Do you want to stay here?"

I glanced from the bed back to her. Was she really asking me to sleep with her?

"Just to sleep, of course," she said quickly.

"Of course," I nodded quickly. I really hoped I wasn't blushing. "Yeah. Okay," I agreed, coolly – or I liked to think so, anyway.

With a small smile, she climbed back into the bed, under the blankets this time.

Trying to remain casual about the situation instead of grinning like an idiot, I sat down and took my shoes off before lying down on a pillow that smelled like Hermione.

After a moment, she edged up next to my side. After a beat of hesitation, I lifted my arm, and she quickly tucked herself against my side, using my chest for a pillow. Unable to prevent my grin now, I closed my arms around her. She sighed softly, and I felt her whole body relax.

I kissed the top of her head lightly, and then turned my gaze to the starry ceiling above us. What had happened in the last few minutes was almost beyond belief. Hermione Wilkins wanted me. _Me_. I was sleeping in her bed with her curled up against me. She as my _girlfriend_.

_Dear Gods, please don't let me wake up_. It seemed far more likely that I was still asleep on her sofa and dreaming all of this than that it had actually happened.

Despite my tumultuous thoughts though, her obscenely comfortable bed and her warmth against me soon lulled me into unconsciousness.

I woke to the melodic clatter of a small orchestra of bells, and was on the point of wondering where I was when Hermione was suddenly on top of me, stretching for the clock on the bedside table. Once the racket had quieted, our eyes met and I saw her cheeks pink though she smiled. "Good morning," she said quietly before drawing back far enough to lie only half on top of me when she buried her face in the pillow at my side.

"Good morning," I smiled, wrapping my arms around her and thinking that I could get used to waking up like this.

For a long moment, we just lay there like that while I enjoyed the light rose-spice scent of her hair, which was tickling my face with every breath.

Too soon, she drew away from me and crawled across the other side of the bed. Though I would have liked to stay there with her all day, we did need to get going if we were going to get s breakfast. With a small sigh, I sat up while she went to a small mirror across the room and began casting a few charms on herself.

I took a moment to think about my father in a bustier and thong, and tried not to visible cringe while my problem resoled itself. When it was safe to rise, I charmed the blankets to fix themselves, then cleaned my mouth, straightened my hair, and took the creases out of my robes.

I was having a bit of a problem keeping my lips from curling up into a constant smile while I thought about last night. Evidently, it had not been a dream after all.

I completed my charms and turned to face Hermione just as she charmed her tangled hair into those perfect ringlets to which I'd become so accustomed. She turned toward him as soon as she was done, her eyes now lightly lined and her lips pinked and glossy.

After a moment, I realized that she was looking at me rather strangely. I frowned at her while she studied me. "You're staring," I finally said, uncomfortable under that intent gaze.

"Sorry," she said with a small smile as she crossed the room. She stopped very close to me and her arms wound loosely around my neck. "Just appreciating the view," she drawled.

My frown deepened uneasily and I looked away from her. "Hermione, you don't have to… I mean, I know I'm not all that much to look at…" I didn't like the idea of her pretending that I was something I wasn't. I wanted her to know that I didn't expect that.

"Severus Snape," she said sternly enough that McGonagall would have been proud. Her fingers touched my chin with contrary gentleness that I found myself unable to fight. I allowed her to turn my face toward her again and watched her eyes as she continued. "You have a girlfriend now," she said with a small, soft smile, "and it just so happens that your girlfriend enjoys looking at you very much."

Her hand trailed up my face with a feather light touch, gently brushing my hair back, her eyes following the movement before she met my eyes again. She leaned up a bit and kissed my lips tenderly enough to melt my bones. "Very much," she whispered meaningfully.

I smiled unsteadily and kissed her again because there just wasn't anything in the world I'd rather do. "I won't argue then," I conceded. She really didn't seem to be saying it to pacify me. While that was surprising, it minded me of what Poppy had said to me when she'd treated me for the stinging hex. Maybe Hermione too could see something in me that I'd never been able to see in myself. I wasn't going to argue with her about it and upset her. Particularly not right now.

Her arms tightened around me again and she rested her head against my shoulder. It was just about the most amazing feeling in the world to hold her like that. Maybe tied with several other thing involving her in my arms.

"I could stay here all day," she said, her tone utterly content.

"I could too," I said with perfect honesty. "Of course, we might get pretty hungry," I noted, though I wasn't refusing her idea.

"Good point," she sighed with just enough disappointment in her voice to make me grin.

As she started toward the door though, another thought occurred to me. "You know what everyone's going to think, me coming out of your room in the morning like this," I noted.

"I really don't care," she said with a smirk.

I studied her carefully, but she really seemed to mean it. "You really wouldn't care if the whole school thought we were… shagging?" Okay, no reason that word should trip me up like that. Except, of course, that I was thinking far too much about her – and me – while I said it.

"I really wouldn't," she said easily. "Honestly, half of them probably think as much anyway. Now, let's head to breakfast before we're late."

She gripped my hand, and I let her lead me out of her room. We passed a pair of gaping third-years in the common room, but there wasn't anyone from our year present – thankfully.

We were nearing the Great Hall when Hermione suddenly froze in the middle of the corridor, dropped my hand, and drew her wand in the same smooth motion.

By the time I understood the implications enough to reach for my wand, Hermione was lowering hers, her eyes on Regulus Black where he stood in the doorway of a vacant classroom.

"Can we talk?" he asked, glancing briefly at me.

She nodded. "I'll meet you in the Great Hall," she said quietly to me.

I glanced at Regulus, and I wanted to argue with her, but having some idea as to what this must be about, I refrained, just nodding before I left them alone.

I took my customary seat and made a concerted effort to keep my thoughts away from Hermione and what she was talking to Regulus about.

Naturally, I failed spectacularly.

I couldn't stop thinking about the last conversation I'd heard between them. The way that Hermione had talked to him. That quiet confidence. The gentle persuasion. The careful way she worded her responses. That wasn't the same girl that I had so much fun studying with. That was… It was someone else entirely.

Luckily, Hermione joined me again then. I didn't want to think about those things anymore.

Before either of us could say anything, she opened her journal and gazed thoughtfully at a blank page for a moment before tucking it away again.

She swished her wand discreetly with a muttered _muffliato_, casting my spell as well as I could. "The first Order meeting is going to be tonight after dinner. In the Room of Requirement," she said succinctly.

I nodded and tried to act naturally. I was nervous. Up until this point, the Order had just been something discussed between Hermione and me. Of course, I believed what she'd said about it, but I knew that it was going to get much more real at this meeting.

"Don't worry," she said quickly, so I supposed I hadn't succeeded in acting naturally. "It shouldn't be a big deal. Mostly just introductions and we'll probably get a time for our special lessons."

"Is the headmaster going to be teaching us?" I wondered after a moment.

"Sometimes, maybe," she shrugged. "Of course, most of the Order members are older. I'm sure they'll be teaching us too."

"Do you know who the other members are?" I asked curiously, since she seemed to know a lot about the Order.

"I know that Professor McGonagall is one of them, and Slughorn has agreed to brew some potions for us, but that's all I know right now."

"McGonagall? Really?"

"What's so strange about that?"

I considered that for a moment. Why had it struck me as odd? "I don't know. I guess I just never really saw her as that much of a fighter," I admitted finally.

She just shrugged noncommittedly. Something about it made me think that she knew something I didn't and she wasn't telling me. That bothered me a bit, but I consoled myself with the likely possibility that it didn't really matter.

After breakfast, Hermione parted from me as always, though I couldn't help but notice she headed toward the Marauders rather than upstairs as usual. I watched her pull Sirius aside before losing sight of them. It was about the Order then, I was sure. She was probably giving them the same message she'd given me about the meeting.

Though I didn't dare mention anything for fear of being overheard, I couldn't help but spend the whole Defense class thinking of what Hermione had so casually mentioned last night. Professor Moody was a member of the Order. Would he be at the meeting tonight? If it wasn't only for the student members, I imagined that he would be. Did he know that I was a member?

When I met Hermione in Potions, it was almost disturbing how completely normal she was acting. As though there wasn't a meeting tonight. As though it was just another day. I wondered if I'd ever be able to be so matter of fact about it.

Mindful of Slughorn's propensity to take points from us, I made a point to avoid touching Hermione at all in that class, but I put my arm around her as soon as we were in the hall. She smiled warmly at me and settled into my embrace, and, at least for a little while, I couldn't care at all about that afternoon.

I did notice Lucius staring at us a bit more than usual, and I had a feeling that it had more to do with whatever Hermione had said to him last night than anything that had changed between Hermione and me. Honestly, not much had changed outwardly.

Herbology passed uneventfully enough that I was barely thinking about the fact that it wasn't a normal day until we'd left the greenhouse.

"I don't think I'm going to make it to lunch," Hermione told me casually.

"Is everything okay?" I worried.

She nodded, "Yes, I just have to…" She sighed and her tone changed. "I need to talk to the Marauders about the meeting tonight."

I realized that she'd actually given me details for once instead of the dismissive obscurity I'd grown accustomed to whenever the Order came up. The content of those details managed to keep the smile off my face.

"Do you want me to come with?" I asked, concerned about the fact that she as going to be alone with that group – however well she always seemed to manage them.

She shook her head, "I don't think that would be a good idea. They don't really like you."

I huffed and avoided pointed out the fact that her statement was obvious to the point of redundancy. "They don't like you either," I said instead.

"James doesn't," she shrugged. "Sirius likes me well enough, and I'm not worried about Remus." I tried not to be annoyed that Sirius liked her. "Don't worry. I'll be fine," she dismissed, but she squeezed my hand and pulled me to a stop to kiss my lips lightly. "I'll see you in Transfigurations, okay?"

"Okay," I relented, squeezing her hand in return before I let her slip away.

I watched after her, vowing that I would repay them tenfold if anything happened to her.

* * *

**This chapter isn't edited yet. Sorry if that bothers you, but I didn't want to make you wait any longer. Thanks for all the kind reviews for Hermione's side, and I hope this lived up to your expectations. :-D**


	12. The Order of the Phoenix

**Author's Note: **Okay, there are parts of this with which I am not completely satisfied, but I really couldn't conceive of making you all wait any longer while I quibbled over every little thing. I am still looking for a beta for this fic if anyone is interested. I don't need a line-by-line critique, but it would be very helpful to have someone to read the chapters and discuss them with me before they're posted. If you're interested please send me a PM!

* * *

**The Order of the Phoenix**

After dinner I followed Hermione up to the seventh floor for the meeting. I was nervous, but her calm presence helped to keep me from losing my composure. She probably knew more about this Order than any other student in the school. If she thought the meeting was no big deal, I had every reason to trust her.

Instead of going into the room though, she stopped and leaned casually against the wall next to it. "What are we doing?" I wondered.

She checked that beautiful pocket watch that the headmaster had given her for her birthday. "Just making sure that everyone makes it," she said simply.

"Is that your job?" I asked uncertainly.

"Not really," she shrugged, "but I do feel some responsibility for the students that I recruited."

"The headmaster actually recruited us though, didn't he?" I clarified.

"Well, it's his group," she nodded, "but I was the one who talked you all into it."

I frowned pensively. She had an odd way of saying yes while making it sound a great deal like no.

The first two Gryffindors to arrive, I barely knew. They were a couple, I thought, but I couldn't recall their names at the moment. Longbottom and Ferris. That's as much as I knew.

Hermione nodded to them with a small, polite smile, "Go on inside." Just like they weren't from a rival house at all.

When Potter and his crew showed up, it was everything I could do to not reach for my wand. It just wasn't natural to meet them in a corridor sans teachers and not get into some kind of confrontation. Potter was scowling openly at me, but Hermione seemed to have lived up to her promise thus far. He didn't reach for his wand either. Lupin seemed to be trying to pretend that none of this was happening, and Black has the balls to wink at Hermione.

"Just go inside," Hermione frowned distastefully at them.

I was glad that Hermione was between me and the door when James went inside, and then the door closed and we were blessedly alone for a few more minutes before Reg showed up. He was dragging his feet and glancing over his shoulder like he was thinking about making a run for it.

Hermione finally pushed off the wall, and took a couple steps to stand next to the sixth-year. "It'll be okay, Reg," she said in a quiet, comforting tone. "Trust me."

And she was doing it again, I realized. How did she always know just what to say?

It worked too. Reg stood there and stared at her for a long moment, but then he stood up straighter, took a breath, and made his way into the room.

Hermione didn't immediately move, but stood there with her back to me, her shoulders slightly slumped. Before I could decide if I should say anything, she went through a process similar to that which Regulus had just done. A deep breath and her shoulders straightened before she turned back to me. "Are you ready?" she inquired.

"Are you okay?" I felt compelled to ask. She was acting it now, but I was sure I'd just seen a moment of some form of weakness.

"As well as I can be," she replied with grim determination. "We'd best go inside, or we'll be late."

I frowned for her evasion, but turned to offer her my arm. She took it, and we entered the room together at last.

The room was pretty full. We were clearly the last to arrive. There were almost as many students as adults in the room. I recognized Marlene, a Gryffindor who'd graduated last year. She'd been friends with Lily most of the way through school. Moody, Flitwick, and McGonagall were also there among the professors.

"Miss Wilkins, Mr. Snape, nice of you to join us," the headmaster's voice snapped across the room.

"Happy to be here, sir!" Hermione replied as though she was either oblivious to or unconcerned by the irritation in the man's voice.

I leaned down to whisper to Hermione, "Why didn't you tell him that we were right outside making sure that all the students got here?"

"Because he knows that," she replied just as quietly.

"Then why…?"

"It's either a show for everyone else or a test for me," she said quickly and with zero surprise. When I opened my mouth to ask why he'd want to do that, she shook her head, urging me to silence.

Though I hated it when she did that, I knew that it was probably prudent. This wasn't exactly the place to be having the conversation. I hadn't forgotten how she'd suggested that Dumbledore had been listening to our whispered conversation across the Great Hall on Halloween.

"Miss Wilkins," Dumbledore said after a moment, his tone still irritated. "A moment."

I felt Hermione's hand tighten around mine for a moment before she slipped away from me.

When she reached the headmaster, he bent down to speak quietly with her, turned away so I could gather nothing of what passed between them. After a brief exchange, he gestured toward the little desk at the front of the room and Hermione nodded and moved to sit there.

With a soft sigh, I took one of the only remaining seats on what seemed to be the students' side of the room. It was right at the front between the Ferris girl, and, I realized, Lupin. Bloody hell.

A glance around and I noticed that Reg was sitting all the way in the back corner, several seats away from his brother and studiously not looking at him, though Sirius was almost staring at the younger man. When I caught Potter's glare from his seat next to Sirius, I turned back toward the front, deciding to ignore the stupid Gryffindors.

"All right," Dumbledore called about the time. "Now that everyone has arrived, let's bring this meeting to order." No pun intended, I assumed.

Dumbledore began by telling us basically the same things that Hermione had. The overarching goal of the Order was to fight and defeat the Dark Lord. Students would begin by training, and, he added, "helping out where we could". I hoped he'd give more details about _that _later.

He went on to explain that the elder Order members – those no longer in school – would be helping the Order in the manner most suited to them by their skills and positions personally and professionally. He did not go into details about that, but passed over it quickly. Evidently, we didn't need to know.

Professors McGonagall and Moody would evidently be our primary teachers for our special training on Tuesday and Thursday evenings. I was not all that surprised, but still incredibly glad to know that Moody would be one of our teachers. He was one of the only teachers that actually seemed to like me without any ulterior motives. And he'd been a Slytherin. It was painfully obvious that there weren't many Slytherins in the room.

Though I was following the meeting as carefully as possible without actually conjuring a parchment and taking notes, I was quite surprised when Dumbledore addressed me directly.

"Mr. Snape, I would appreciate it if you would assist Professor Slughorn in brewing the potions that the Order will need," he said as though that were perfectly natural.

I automatically glanced at Hermione to see if she'd known about this, but she appeared just curious and mildly interested. I couldn't be certain, but I thought that was probably an act. Even before what had happened last night, we were close enough friends that I was sure she'd have been more curious about it.

I returned my focus to the headmaster quickly. "Me, sir?" I said, immediately cringing at the dim response.

"Horace has had great things to say about your brewing prowess, my boy," Dumbledore said, his tone kind in a way that felt foreign to me. My only previous interactions with the headmaster had been when the Marauders had managed to get me into trouble. On those occasions, the headmaster generally looked at me with disappointment before accepting that it had been all my fault and giving me detentions. I wasn't quite sure what to do with this side of the man.

"He scarcely has enough time to brew them all himself," the headmaster went on, "so he suggested that you may be able to help. The time you spend with him could go toward an advanced apprenticeship if you'd like."

I'd have accepted the work as my duty to the Order, having willingly joined them expecting that there'd be some kind of work involved. I'd have even looked forward to the opportunity to practice my brewing and hopefully learn some more advanced potions. The idea of an advanced apprenticeship though, floored me. To gets months' head start on my apprenticeship made it an opportunity rather than a duty. "Yes, sir," I said immediately. "Thank you," I had to add.

"Excellent," Dumbledore smiled, his eyes twinkling in a way that I'd never seen before.

He quickly proved that I wasn't unique in his favor as he began to assign tasks to the other students. Longbottom would get an opportunity similar to mine, though in Herbology. He seemed as eager for it as I was for mine, which gave me an odd, unwelcome sense of camaraderie with the Gryffindor. Ferris would be working charms with Flitwick. Potter and Black were doing something undefined with McGonagall – probably something to do with their being unregistered animagi. Lupin, conspicuously, was not given a task. Surely Dumbledore didn't want to talk about his being a werewolf in front of everyone.

Regulus was revealed as a spy, to which the room at large looked at him. I, having known this already, took the moment to look at everyone else. None looked overly friendly toward the young man, but not outright hostile either. Sirius actually looked worried, proving that he may have some form of heart, at least for family. Hermione wasn't looking at Regulus either, but everyone else. Her expression looked annoyed as her eyes met mine for a moment.

But then the scrutiny for the spy passed and Hermione's face cleared instantly as others began to look in her general direction again. It was chilling the way she did that.

"Excuse me, sir," Potter said in his typical arrogant tone.

"Yes, Mr. Potter?" Dumbledore asked indulgently of his favorite student.

"I think I speak for all the students here in saying that Wilkins there was the one who brought me in on this," he said, and Severus wanted nothing more than to hex him for putting everyone's focus on Hermione. For her part, Hermione barely looked interested by what he had to say about her. "So I was wondering, what exactly does _she_ do for the Order?" Potter continued.

Dumbledore glanced back at Hermione, and I could swear he'd forgotten her existence until she'd been mentioned. "Miss Wilkins is serving as record keeper for the Order," he supplied, which explained why she was sitting apart from everyone else. "I asked her to broach the subject with the rest of you as she was the first student to join."

I studied her curiously along with everyone else, but I couldn't see the slightest sign that she didn't completely agree with the headmaster's assessment.

"Record keeper?" Potter asked skeptically.

"Indeed. She is highly organized. Perfect for the job," Dumbledore nodded as though it was perfectly natural that the best duelist in the student body was being utilized for her ability to read and organize notes.

This was some sort of cover, I was sure, being aware of some of her _other _duties that Dumbledore had already given her, such as flirting with Death Eaters and dancing with half the boys in sixth and seventh year while she "planted seeds" and "tested the waters". I desperately wanted to know the meaning of this subterfuge _within _the Order itself. I would have thought that, here at least, she wouldn't be lying and pretending to be less than she was. And Dumbledore was evidently encouraging, if not enforcing that very behavior.

Suddenly, I couldn't wait for the meeting to be over so that I could question her about it.

Before letting us go, we were each asked to take a watch, hair clip, or pendant from a bowl of identical, generic pieces. I chose a watch, since I didn't already have one, and watched in surprised fascination as it transformed before my eyes, becoming a fairly simple black metal with a white face and roman numerals. I couldn't help but smile a little. It suited me perfectly.

Dumbledore briefly explained that each piece of jewelry was charmed so that he could send us messages, which would become engraved on the item in words that only we would be able to see. This was how we'd be informed of future Order meetings, and other Order-related things.

Hermione, I couldn't help but notice, did not select a piece. But then, she wouldn't need it, would she? She had that journal, which was significantly superior in that she could send messages back and that the messages could be much longer. I also noticed that everyone else in the room took one. Everyone. Even the adults. Which would seem to indicate that Hermione was the only member of the Order with whom Dumbledore had established another form of clandestine communication.

I was beginning to suspect that she'd kept more secrets from me than I'd previously recognized.

We students were then dismissed, presumably so that Dumbledore and the elder members could discuss things to which we were not privy. I started toward the door slowly, waiting for Hermione to catch up.

"Miss Wilkins," Dumbledore's voice sounded quietly enough that he was obviously speaking to her alone, but not trying to conceal it from everyone else.

"Yes, sir?" she inquired.

"I apologize, my child, but you'll need to stay a bit longer," he explained kindly. "As record keeper, you'll have to be here until the very end."

I stared at Hermione in disbelief. Dumbledore's favoritism of her was readily apparent – at least to me – but I'd not expected this. He was allowing her to stay behind for the "adult" portion of the meeting.

She glanced at me and gave an encouraging smile and nod, which I took as a dismissal. With a small sigh, I left the room, wondering if she'd tell me about it later.

As it was already nearly curfew, I retreated back down to the common room with Regulus. We didn't speak. Despite being of the same house and both members of the Slug Club, we'd never really talked much. Reg was a popular Quidditch player and member of a highly respected pureblood family. Not to mention that he was a Death Eater this year. We had nothing in common.

Or, we hadn't. We were both members of the Order now, and I couldn't help but recall the contrast between the way the vast majority of the Order had looked at him and the way Hermione treated him. It was clear that Hermione had some sort of soft spot for the younger Black. It might have been pity for his unenviable position as a spy, but I was pretty sure that she'd have said something to him in this situation.

Considering that we weren't exactly private, I wasn't sure what I could safely say though. So, I ended up saying nothing.

When we got back to the common room, I gathered my homework and settled down in a corner seat to wait for Hermione's return.

After working, undisturbed, for more than an hour, it occurred to me that I'd not been bothered much in a while. Not by anyone in my own house or even the Marauders. When Lucius even looked at me anymore, his expression was always thoughtful or calculating, but never malicious or derisive as I'd grown accustomed to over the past couple years. Was that Hermione's doing? It seemed most likely, but had she done it directly or indirectly? Did she actually go around telling people to leave me alone?

I really hoped not, as that would irreparably damage my pride. I doubted that she'd need to resort to such measures though. She was good with subtlety. Everyone knew by now that we were together. No doubt that strong of a connection would make others think twice about angering Hermione by antagonizing me. Admittedly, it did bother me a bit that everyone was so frightened of her and thought so little of me, but there really wasn't anything to be done about that. Hermione was scary when she wanted to be. And sometimes when I was pretty sure that she wasn't actually trying at all.

I waited for Hermione until well after everyone else had gone to bed. When midnight had come and gone, I finally gave up and went to bed myself. I was a little worried that she'd not come back, but I figured that perhaps she'd just decided to go to sleep directly in the Room of Requirement and skip the nightmares tonight. I was disappointed, but I tried not to let it bother me. Too much.

~.~.{o}.~.~

At breakfast, Hermione sat down at my side as she always did, as though nothing was out of the ordinary.

"What happened last night?" I inquired when she didn't even look at me.

She flinched slightly when I started talking, and looked at me curiously while I watched her wand appear from her sleeve and swish in her lap to silently cast a _muffliato_ almost negligently as she asked, "What do you mean?"

It irked me a bit that she was better at that spell even than I was now.

"I waited until long after everyone else had gone to bed, but you never came back last night after the meeting," I explained, my tone a bit more harsh than I'd intended.

"Severus, I'm so sorry," she said with evident sincerity – not that it was possible to be certain with her. "I was completely distracted by the time I left the headmaster's office."

So she'd gone up to his office after the meeting? Merlin, he really _did _favor her. "So where did you go?" I pressed, receiving the expected answer.

"I was in the Room of Requirement."

I stared at my plate for a moment, trying to decide if it was reasonable to be upset with her. She had warned me that her life was complicated and that I may not want to get involved in it, I recalled. Getting angry with her already for something like this didn't really seem fair considering that I'd gone into it claiming to be okay with it.

"Severus, I really am sorry," she said again, her hand closing lightly over my forearm where it rested by my side.

The simple touch spread warmth through me instantly and I cursed myself for having such a profound weakness for her at the same time that I wondered if I'd ever be able to truly be mad at her.

"What were you doing?" I wondered, letting most of my anger go.

She grimaced and I recognized the look instantly. This was going to be one of those, "I'll explain later" or "I'd rather not talk about it" things. My frustration returned tenfold.

Just when I was reaching for my fork, her hand closed over mine. "Come with me," she said hopefully when I looked at her.

I was surprised and uncertain about what she was planning, but I followed, of course, as she led me out of the Great Hall and up to the seventh floor.

The Room of Requirement looked vastly different than I'd seen it before. It was fairly small, with a beautiful waterfall against the far wall, stunning lifelike paintings of mountains on the side walls, and a mirror running the wall bearing the door.

"Wow," I couldn't help but mutter while she sat down on a large pillow in front of the little pool into which the waterfall spilled.

"Pretty much," she agreed with a small smile.

After a moment more to appreciate the paintings, I moved to the second cushion and sank down onto it.

She looked nervous as she took a deep breath before beginning. "You've noticed that my magic hasn't been quite right since my birthday."

I frowned at the topic, but nodded. I reached out to close my hand around hers since she looked like she could use the support.

"It's worse than I've let on," she almost whispered, her eyes focused on our hands. "Considerably worse. The headmaster believes that it's temporary, and I think he's right…"

"What, exactly, is wrong with your magic?" I asked cautiously.

"I can barely control it, Severus," she said with a shaky sigh. "I've learned to manage some of the simpler spells, but… In a duel, I'd be about as helpless as a first year."

My jaw dropped and I quickly snapped it shut before she looked at me. "This has been going on since your birthday?" I breathed.

She nodded.

"But…" I protested uncertainly. That couldn't be true, because… "I've seen you… With Potter, and…"

"I never actually did anything," she pointed out. "I just let them think that I could."

"I-" I closed my mouth as I realized that she was actually right. She'd been so intimidating… She'd practically _begged _him to try something. "Oh," I muttered unintelligently. She'd been bluffing. "How did this happen?"

She shook her head helplessly, "I really don't understand it myself. Some sort of rare phenomenon that cause my magic to… shift. It's like I have to learn how to do magic all over again. But it's more difficult this time because I keep trying to do it the way that I learned the first time."

She looked like she was almost ready to cry.

I left my cushion to move around to her side so that I could pull her into my arms. She sighed softly, relaxing against me.

"I'm so sorry, Hermione," I whispered resting my cheek against her hair. "You don't deserve this."

For a long moment, I offered silent comfort with my simple embrace. Neither of us spoke.

"What does this have to do with where you were last night?" I finally asked, since it had seemed like that was what had inspired her to bring me up here in the first place.

"Albus gave me a book with some meditation techniques that he thought may help me. I got completely carried away with them. When I finally checked the time, it was nearly breakfast."

It was the first word that I got stuck on. "Albus?" I asked incredulously. Had she really just called the headmaster by his first name?

"It's from talking to Alek so much," she said with a minimal shrug from her place against me. "He always calls the headmaster Albus because they went to school together, and he never calls me down for it. I suppose I've come to think of him that way."

And she was evidently on a first-name basis with Professor Moody as well.

"Speaking of Alek, you should get going," she added.

It was nearly time for first period, I realized. I drew away from her regretfully, studying her eyes as I searched for evidence that she was going to be okay alone for the next hour. Of course, she would, I realized. This was Hermione. She was good at being alone.

As I looked at her though, my eyes went to her lips of their own volition. After this and the Order meeting, it was hard to believe that Halloween night and the following morning had really happened. So as I leaned toward her, I wasn't at all certain that she'd approve.

She quickly proved my fears unnecessary as she closed the distance between us.

Gentle fingers wound into my hair as her lips parted mine gently to admit her into my mouth and I promptly forgot the Order, her magic, and first period. Nothing existed except for the two of us. Nothing could ever matter the way that she mattered. The world could burn around us and as long as she was safe and happy and _mine,_ I really wouldn't care.

She drew away from me slowly, a content smile replacing the disquiet she'd portrayed before. "You have to go," she reminded me, her voice wonderfully breathless.

I nodded and kissed her softly but briefly one more time before I forced myself to get up. "I'll see you in potions?" I said on my way to the door, the statement somehow becoming a question on the way out. Merlin, I never wanted her out of my sight – out of my _arms _– again.

"You'd better," she replied with a cheeky smirk.

* * *

**Oh, Severus has got it bad! If you noticed some minor discrepancies between this chapter and Hermione's side, I'M SORRY! Oversight. I'm going to fix it and update the other side. Nothing big. If you didn't notice them before I mentioned it, you probably don't need to reread anything. If you want to, however, just give me a couple minutes.**

**COMING UP in the next chapter… Special training, Occlumency, and a revelation about Sirius. Please be patient with me on this one. I haven't even started it yet. Should be up in a week at most. **

**Again, if anyone is interested in the beta duties I mentioned at the top, please let me know via PM. Everyone else, please don't hesitate to review. I love hearing your thoughts!**


	13. Occlumency

**Author's Note: **Okay, dear readers, this will be the final installment solely from Severus' POV. I know that some of you have been really enjoying his side, so I hope you're not too disappointed, but now that he and Hermione are coming to know each other so much better, writing two completely independent sides to this fic has become increasingly unnecessary. And I've found that I simply lack the energy lately. Rest assured, you'll not lose his POV entirely, as I will be alternating between the two in Part 2. There may also be the occasional foray into other POVs.

Once again, I hope that you enjoy this chapter, and I look forward to seeing you as I move into "When A Phoenix Cries: Part 2".

* * *

**Occlumency**

Professor Moody stood at the front of a training room in the Room of Requirement. It was vaguely similar to Hermione's but a bit smaller, without the jogging track, and no bathing area that I could see.

I was joined in the room by Potter, Lupin, Black, Regulus, Ferris, and Longbottom. By default, I was sitting next to Regulus, the Slytherins keeping as much distance as possible from the Gryffindors. Hermione was not present. Due to the continuing complications with her magic, attending this particular session would be impossible without sharing that secret with the gaggle of Gryffindors.

"Silence," Moody called once everyone was seated.

When all talking had ceased and all eyes turned toward him, he began. "Welcome to your first Order training session. Make no mistake, when you walked through that door, you left behind your status as a student of this school and became a trainee of the Order of the Phoenix. In this room, you will not be coddled, indulged, or sheltered. This is not a game. You are being trained to fight in a war. The training that you take from this room will be the difference between life and death, not in theory, but in fact. Do not expect it to be pleasant or fun.

"If there is anyone who is having second thoughts, you may leave right now or you will be in for the duration." He paused, eyes touching on each of us while he waited to see if he had any takers.

Potter was smirking, but it faded when no one returned it. Sirius was staring at his brother with concern in his eyes. Lupin was gnawing on his lip and staring into space. Ferris and Longbottom were sharing their concerned, determined look between them, hands clasped together. Regulus was staring at his knees looking somewhere between resigned and depressed.

Personally, I was actually somewhat relieved. I'd already known that this was serious. It was good to know that our training would be treated that way. And that the Gryffindor's antics would receive little tolerance – at least from this professor.

"Is that why Wilkins isn't here?" Potter blurted when none of his friends responded to him. "Did she decide to leave?"

I made a concerted effort to glare a hole through the prat's head. To even _insinuate_ that about Hermione after she'd been the one to recruit every last one of us…!

Moody just chuckled. "Mr. Potter," he drawled, "Miss Wilkins could _teach _this class. She won't be wasting her time here."

"Godric knows we need Defense skills like that for our 'record keeper'," Potter huffed quietly, but not quietly enough.

"Mr. Potter, thank you for volunteering for the first demonstration," Moody said amicably. "Come on up here, my boy."

Looking slightly put out, but still smirking like a fool, Potter left his unresponsive posse to stand at the front.

"Okay, Mr. Potter. For this demonstration, I am a Death Eater. You are fighting for the Order of the Phoenix."

Potter was just starting to nod when Moody's wand somehow materialized in his hand and Potter went flying across the room to land on a conveniently placed pile of cushions. There had barely even been time for me to recognize the wickedly powerful Impedimenta for how swiftly it had been executed.

Moody sighed, "Mr. Potter, you are dead."

"You didn't even warn me!" the git sputtered as he struggled to his feet, rubbing at his chest like it hurt.

It was a fantastic effort to avoid bursting into hysterics.

"I just told you that I was a Death Eater," Moody said as though speaking to a particularly slow child. "Death Eaters will not warn you before attacking."

The next two hours were among the best of my life. Moody paired us off, giving ten minutes to each pairing before we switched, dueling with fewer restrictions than we'd ever been allowed in class. The Marauders couldn't match me in a fair fight. In two hours, I managed to put each of them on their asses many times. They got in a few hits, but not nearly as many as I did.

That right there made joining the Order worth it.

**~.~.{o}.~.~**

"So, what happened in the meeting after I left? Or is that confidential?" I asked lightly, playing with Hermione's fingers while we lay on her bed. I'd met her in her room after the Defense lesson, and we were currently catching our breath after some rather remarkably intense snogging.

Lately, I quite loved my life.

"Not really," she laughed softly, "It was mostly just discussing assignments with the older members. The only really interesting part was in observing the people, getting to know a bit about who they are – how they think and interact."

"Anything surprising?" I inquired, pleasantly surprised by how open she was being.

She shook her head. "They were largely what I'd expected. Mostly Gryffindors. Loyal, brave, eager to take direction…"

I smirked at the last. "So, if there was nothing special going on, why did Dumbledore keep you there?"

"What, you're not buying the record-keeping bit?" she chuckled.

"I don't know about everyone else, but knowing what you did over Halloween makes me just a bit skeptical that he really sees you as just a record-keeper."

She sighed, "Yes, that was a bit thin, particularly for Albus. It's possible that he simply wasn't overly concerned for fooling everyone, but I find that unlikely. He has a reason for everything he does. He's setting me up for something. I'm just not sure what yet."

I blinked in surprise. "You're saying that you don't know why he did that? You two hadn't worked it out in advance?"

"Do you imagine that Albus and I spend a lot of time plotting together?" she asked with amusement.

"Well… Yeah, I guess," I frowned. "You're always writing in that journal, and you admitted that you were in his office after the meeting last night."

"Okay, admittedly there is _some _time spent plotting," she reflected, "but generally only about the Order itself. Not about me."

I took a moment to consider that. "You and the headmaster really sit around plotting about the Order?"

"A moment ago, you were surprised that I suggested we _didn't_!" she complained.

I frowned, giving a moment of thought to my response. "Well, I suppose it's something different to draw conclusions and have them confirmed," I said finally. I didn't want to insult her – truly I didn't – but it did make me a tad nervous. Considering that _I _was a member of said Order.

"You make it sound rather macabre," she frowned. "I only meant that he asks my opinions about some things and I give it."

That was interesting. "Why would the headmaster be interested in your opinion?" I wondered, then quickly added, "Don't misunderstand me. You're really intelligent and all, but you're a student. And I don't think he treats any other students like that."

She lifted the hand that I was holding to press a light kiss to the back of my hand, probably to prove that she wasn't offended. "Again, I have no idea what Albus is thinking or planning the vast majority of the time, but I think…" she fell silent and I turned my head to see her brow furrowed in concentration. "I suspect," she continued at length, "that he is grooming me for whatever position he wishes me to hold in the Order after we graduate."

"What kind of position?" I asked worriedly.

"I can't be sure…" she said pensively. She bit down lightly on her lower lip, drawing my eyes down to her impossibly sweet mouth. "Severus, I…" she continued, the unease in her voice dragging me from my daydreaming.

I rolled over and propped myself on my elbow so that I could see her face more clearly. I took advantage of a stray curl as an excuse to touch her face, and let my hand trail down to her cheek and linger there. "What is it?" I asked gently.

Her eyes met mine and they softened. She lifted her own hand to place over mine as she turned slightly into my touch. "My past is complicated, Severus," she said quietly. "Really complicated. I…" She frowned apprehensively.

"Please, Hermione," I whispered, afraid that she was going to shut me out again.

Her eyes slipped closed for a moment, and she sighed before opening them again. "How much do you know about Occlumency?"

I wasn't used to her being this difficult to follow. "I'm well versed in the concept," I admitted, waiting to see where she was going with this.

"I'm learning it," she said after a brief hesitation. "Would you be interested in learning with me?"

"This has something to do with your past?" I wondered, trying to connect these seemingly abstract things she kept saying.

She took a nervous breath. "I'm learning Occlumency specifically to conceal the truth about my past," she said warily. "I want to tell you, but…"

_Oh_. Merlin, what hadn't she told me about her past? Was there another reason the Death Eaters had targeted them? "You need me to learn Occlumency," I finished her thought.

She nodded, watching me uncertainly.

She needed for me to know Occlumency before she could tell me about her past. So, presumably, there was at least one Legilimens that she was trying to keep it from. So, had she lied to me when she'd told me bits about it before?

There was an uncomfortable conflict of old anxiety and new trust fighting for supremacy inside me. The familiar pangs of self-doubt insisting that she was going to let me down warred against an entirely new wash of faith that told me Hermione was different. That she'd never betray me.

It was her eyes that decided the battle. Great actor or not, her eyes echoed the sentiment of my own heart. I didn't think that was something that could be faked.

A strange, welcome warmth burned away my doubts, and I kissed her. Because I was terribly concerned that I might actually cry if she kept looking at me like that. She returned the kiss with an urgency that matched my own, her hands fisting in my shirt where I trapped them between us as I drew her body flush against mine.

A small moan from her finally forced me to break the kiss before I got too carried away. For a long moment, the only sound in the room was our labored breathing as it gradually evened out.

"You are going to tell me the truth, right?" I whispered, "Eventually?"

"Of course," she replied immediately, her eyes worried. "Severus, I do want to tell you. Truly. It's just… It's dangerous, okay?"

I searched her eyes once more and found only honesty. With a weary sigh, I nodded, leaning down to place a gentle kiss on her swollen lips, "Okay," then rested my forehead lightly against hers. "Okay."

**~.~.{o}.~.~**

In the morning, Hermione would give me no details about the Occlumency lesson, insisting briefly that she could tell me about it "later". Annoying as that was, I'd made the decision to trust her, and I intended to stand by it. So I laboriously withheld my questions until we were on our way to meet… whoever it was, about the Occlumency lessons.

"Can we talk freely now?" I finally asked when we were almost halfway to Hogsmeade.

"Yes," she said with a small smile that looked at least a little guilty.

Relieved, I didn't have to think about my first question. "Who's teaching you Occlumency?"

"Alek's grandson," she informed me, which I found both relieving and intriguing. While I knew nothing about Professor Moody's grandchildren, I trusted him. "He's an auror and very skilled in both Occlumency and Legilimency," Hermione continued.

I frowned pensively at the intriguing part. I'd expected our teacher to be one of the older Order members, but I was sure I'd have remembered if I'd seen any of Professor Moody's relations at the meeting. "Was he at the meeting?" I inquired.

"He's not a member of the Order," was her reply.

"Isn't that dangerous?" I pressed. "I mean, he must see some of your memories, right? In the process of training you?" Wasn't the Order supposed to be some big secret?

"He's Alek's grandson," she said with complete unconcern. "He's trustworthy."

While that made sense, it did seem a bit thin to me as far as an explanation for being able to trust him. Still… Hermione wasn't stupid. I found it much more likely that she was withholding her reasoning than that it was really that thin. I decided to let it go for now. "So where are we meeting him?" I asked instead.

"I'm not exactly sure," she said with a suspicious little smirk as she led us off the beaten path into a little thicket of trees.

Before I could press her again, another voice interrupted us.

"Severus. Good to see you," Professor Moody's voice greeted cheerfully.

"Professor Moody," I said, surprised to see the man appear in front of us from beneath a perfect disillusionment charm.

Moody chuckled, "We're not in class, lad. You can call me Alek."

"Okay," I said, a bit uncomfortably. I liked Moody, but stepping outside the student/teacher formality was not something I'd been expecting of my acquaintance with him. Probably I needed to get used to things like that. It wouldn't be much longer before I ceased to be a student.

Moody – Alek – then turned his smirk on Hermione. "You didn't mention that you were bringing company this week, Hermione."

So she'd known that we were meeting him here, I gathered, slightly annoyed that she'd left out that detail.

"Bit of a last minute decision," she replied, surprising me with her suddenly careful neutrality. By the way she talked about the man, I'd gathered that they were more casual than that.

"Really?" Moody – _no Alek, damn it _– asked, raising an eyebrow doubtfully. Still, he seemed to dismiss it quickly. "You're ready?"

Hermione nodded, stepping closer to take his hand. When they both looked at me, it took a beat for me to realize that we were apparating. With anyone else, I'd probably have been a bit uneasy about the double side-along, but I trusted that Alek was skilled enough to manage without leaving any our more important bits behind. I took his free hand and he disapparated almost instantly.

"What is this? Two of them now?" a grumpy voice growled behind us while my eyes were still adjusting to the dim light of the room in which we'd appeared.

Alek, again, looked amused for just a moment before he disapparated.

I turned with Hermione to face the displeased man who was evidently to be our instructor. His gaze fell on my face and his frown deepened further. "No," he said at once. "I agreed to teach you, girl. Not your boyfriend."

So, I assumed that he'd seen me in her mind. From the sound of it now, I was afraid that my Occlumency training was about to end before it began.

I looked between Hermione and the gruff auror warily.

"He's not just my boyfriend, as you well know, Alastor," she replied with a bit of heat.

It took more effort than it should to avoid grinning at the casual way in which she called me her boyfriend.

"Of course not," he auror replied with a feral light in his gray eyes. "The 'love of your life', wasn't it?"

I blinked in surprise, looking at Hermione again.

"I meant that he is also a member of the Order," she replied coolly, but she didn't deny his assertion. And I didn't miss the faint color in her cheeks.

Merlin, did that mean it was true, then? I couldn't believe she'd have told this man that, but if he was teaching her Occlumency, he could have gotten it directly from her mind. I tried to remain as cool as she did, but it was really hard when my heart was pounding and my stomach seemed to be filled with hyperactive pixies. Did Hermione love me?

"You really want him in the same room with me?" Alastor was saying and I struggled to focus on the conversation.

"Alastor," Hermione's tone was a warning. Her glare a threat.

"Is that the best you can do, lass?" he asked with disappointment. "Because there's lots more I could say."

Despite being incensed at the man's treatment of Hermione, I kind of did want him to continue.

Hermione stared at the older man for a long moment while I watched her features even out to calm calculation. She sat down opposite Alastor, her posture impeccable. "Severus Snape is one of the most powerful wizards I have ever met," she said placidly, utter sincerity verily radiating from her.

I sank slowly into a chair, watching her warily as she continued to address the auror.

"His value to us in this war is virtually incomparable."

I watched her eyes glaze over a bit and realized that the same had happened to the auror. He'd entered her mind with a wandless, silent Legilimens, I comprehended, impressed.

The room was completely silent for somewhere between two minutes and an eternity. Then they both blinked, but continued staring at each other, the auror's expression now calculating rather than aggressive.

Hermione raised an eyebrow expectantly while the auror turned to look at me like he was assessing me again – or for the first time, as he'd not actually given much evident thought to me before, apart from whatever he knew from Hermione's memories.

"All right," he decided abruptly. "Double lessons it is then. How much do you know about Occlumency, boy?"

"Quite a lot, academically speaking," I admitting, glancing briefly at Hermione. Her face gave nothing away except that she was pleased, but not surprised by Alastor's sudden acceptance. I'd have to ask her about it, but now wasn't the time.

"Excellent," the auror smiled, but I didn't find it particularly comforting. "Let's get started then."

I was unprepared for the depth of my fear when I realized that we were evidently going to begin straightaway. I had long found Occlumency a magical discipline of great fascination, and I'd read about it extensively. I did, in fact, fancy myself something of a natural talent, but I held no illusions as to any chance I may stand against Auror Moody. This man was a master. This man was going to smash through my pitiful shields without pause…

And into the memories beyond. Memories that I never wanted _anyone _to see.

The blackthorn wand rose before my eyes and I felt my mind go blank with panic.

"_Legilimens_."

…

_"Worthless woman. You're pathetic!"_

_The sharp snap of flesh hitting flesh with heavy force sounded from the sitting room._

_I slid down the wall until my bum was on the floor, curling my arms around my legs and sobbing as silently as possible. "Mummy, mummy, mummy," I chocked almost soundlessly. My worthlessly small body trembled. I knew that he was hurting her, and I wanted to make him stop, but I knew that I couldn't. I'd tried. He'd hurt me too, and Mummy had cried more._

_…_

I shoved away that memory of weakness, only to find another immediately upon us.

…

_"WORTHLESS, FOUL WHORE!" The ugly shout reached me in my room and my heart stuttered painfully._

_Father was home._

_After a moment of terrified stillness, I was up out of my chair, feet thudding down the stairs. Each footfall echoed loud in my ears. Each creak of the steps screamed at me the way he made her scream._

_I froze in the doorway, my eyes stuck on Mother where she was crumpled on the floor, blood on her face. Finally, they shifted to the man standing over her. A man I'd not seen in months as I'd only just returned from school. Being away so long had clearly changed nothing. I didn't think I'd ever go back for my second year. I couldn't leave her alone with him again._

_"Severus," Mother whispered. "Go to your room, Severus."_

_"No!" I all but shouted, cringing instinctively at the sound of my own voice. One look at the man who turned to face me proved that I was going to pay for raising my voice._

_"How dare you talk back to your mother, you filthy little brat!" he howled, clenched fist rising as he stepped toward me._

_"No, Tobias! Please! He didn't mean it!" Mother gasped out._

Oh, I absolutely meant it,_ I thought darkly, but said nothing._

_Father didn't listen to her._

_I cringed against what was coming, preparing myself for the pain. Willing myself to silence. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of hearing me cry out._

_The fist landed, and then I was on the floor. A boot was next, and another. I heard my mother screaming and buried myself in her voice, ignoring the words she cried._

_The pain was acute, but distant, as I fell into the terrible familiarity of the situation once more._

_…_

I found the invading presence in my mind and shoved, desperately protecting myself. I felt the presence reel back, and then-

…

_Father's shouting led me into the sitting room once again, just in time to see the first blow fall. I threw myself between them without pause this time. I wasn't a little boy anymore. I was fourteen years old and I would not stand for any foul muggle laying a hand on my mother._

_The blows came at me, as I'd expected, and I endured them with defiance and all the dignity possible when one was being viciously beaten._

_…_

"NO!" I realized that I was screaming aloud as I came back to Auror Moody's dingy sitting room.

Moody was staring at me with surprise concealed behind his eyes. Hermione looked deeply sympathetic. I wondered if her first time had been as bad.

I returned my focus to Moody, my eyes narrowing as the man began to chuckle.

"Naturally talented, indeed," he said with a small, hard smile. "That, my boy, was the most impressive first attempt I've ever seen. You're sure you've never done this before?"

I eyed the man warily, his enthusiasm felt a touch too bright. "I've studied the theory, sir. As I've said," I replied cautiously.

"Leave off, Alastor," Hermione cut in, her tone bored as she reclined in her seat. "He's Slytherin enough for both of us, I assure you."

The auror gave her a sour look, but did not call her down for word or manner. His lips edged toward a grin though as he spoke, "Your turn." He neither drew wand, nor spoke an incantation, but I deduced from her small flinch and glazed eyes that he'd entered her mind. Again.

It was about three or four minutes before it ended this time, and both grimaced as if in pain. I knew that Legilimency could be quite painful depending upon how one went about it, but it hadn't hurt me. Physically. I wondered if I'd merely been too distracted to notice the pain or if her experience had been different for some reason. Perhaps because her training was in a more advanced stage? Either way, I was relieved to see that it seemed to pass quickly.

Hermione's cheeks were blazing though as she glared furiously at Alastor. It made me wonder just what he'd seen, but I wasn't about to ask. I was too afraid that she'd answer and then expect me to do the same.

"You son of a bitch," she snarled at him, though it seemed more reactionary than aggressive.

The auror just chuckled at her. "I may have to target those kinds of memories more often," he grinned. "Now that I know how to motivate you."

Though his mirth at her expense bothered me, I took my cue from her. She didn't seem like she was going to hold onto the anger, so I tried to move passed it as well.

Then he turned his attention back to me. "You were easier to figure out. You jumped right to the bottom of the barrel, didn't you?"

I glared in return as he made light of the worst memories of my life. Well, admittedly there were many such memories, but that didn't make any of them pleasant. While I was still trying to decide if I should be angry with him or pleased at my success, I felt Hermione's fingers close over mine and she squeezed my hand lightly. She waited until I looked at her to speak.

"Annoying as this prat is, he's actually right," she explained gently, ignoring said prat, who huffed in amusement. "There's no time to learn this gently."

Two words, in particular, stood out. "No time". I considered my response briefly, acknowledging the fact that we weren't actually alone. Of course, if she was letting this man into her mind, he probably already knew more than I did in some respects, and she clearly trusted him with her secrets. While I remained wary, I decided to take my cue from her and trust his confidence. "Why is it so important to learn this quickly?" I inquired.

"Oh, you didn't tell him," Alastor said, as though that news was a source of tremendous amusement to him.

"Obviously, you can see how that would be counterproductive until he's learned this," Hermione bit out in reply.

"Obviously," the auror agreed, though he still seemed quite delighted. I got the uncomfortable feeling that he was expecting some sort of fantastic reaction on my part when I learned the truth. The truth that he clearly knew.

"I am curious though," the auror went on, "if you're going to make him take a vow as well."

A vow? As in, a _Vow_? And then it made sense. That's why she trusted him with her secrets. Not only was he an Occlumens, but she'd made him take an Unbreakable Vow. I was pretty sure that she wouldn't ask as much of me, but it did make me feel considerably better to know that she wasn't trusting this man based solely upon his relations or profession.

"The two of you seem quite… serious," he said with a suggestively twisted brow that led me to believe he was speaking of something more _personal _than his earlier allusion to her feelings toward me. "But teenage romances can be very unpredictable," he finished, his tone almost commiserate. It got under my skin to hear him even suggest the possibility of Hermione and I breaking up.

Hermione paused a moment, closing her eyes briefly before responding as though she had to put considerable effort into her calm response. That made me feel a bit better. "Regardless of our romantic standing, Alastor," she said evenly, "Severus is a member of the Order, just like me. _That _is not going to change any time soon."

Evidently not the slightest bit dissuaded by her logic, Alastor was still grinning when he spoke again. "Does he even know who you're hiding from?"

I saw the anger flash behind her eyes before she buried it. She clearly wasn't enjoying the way Alastor was leading this conversation. Rather than responding to him though, she turned her attention back to me, looking passably clam once more. "I am, of course, concealing my past from Voldemort and his followers," she explained evenly, though I wouldn't have pressed her to explain in front of Alastor.

I did my best to contain any response to her using the Dark Lord's name yet again. I'd never heard her say, "Dark Lord", "You-Know-Who", or "He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named". Like she avoided the monikers on principle. Then again, perhaps that was exactly what she was doing. Proving that she wasn't afraid, or something.

"But they are not the only ones," she went on, ignoring her own use of the name, as always. "I am also trying to keep it from Albus."

I knew that my surprise was pathetically obvious, but I'd gotten it into my head that she and Dumbledore were doing something behind everyone's backs. I'd thought of them as kind of a single unit in that. It had not occurred to me that they'd be hiding anything truly important from _each other._ A foolish assumption, obviously.

"Not all of it, of course," she said quickly when she saw my reaction. "He knows the basics, and I've told him some of the details, but it would be extremely dangerous for me, and others as well, if he were to learn everything."

I forced myself beyond my surprise and tried to work through the situation as logically as I knew how.

She was hiding things from Dumbledore. The very woman who'd recruited me and many others to following Dumbledore's little army was keeping things from the man. She'd told him some but not all, which suggested that he may have been aware of it. Well, he probably was. She was just now learning Occlumency, and it was Albus Dumbledore that we were talking about. So, he must have allowed her to keep her secrets, but then why would she need to worry so much? Did she expect him to change his mind?

Dumbledore seemed to favor her heavily, even above Potter and his merry band of miscreants, but surely that only went so far if she was hiding things from him. I struggled to assess the dynamic between them, but quickly found that I didn't have nearly enough information. I would be watching more closely in the future though.

Her warning that the truth of her past was dangerous was beginning to take on a new meaning. Obviously, I'd been aware that there was significant threat involved if the Dark Lord wanted her secrets, but by large, he and the Death Eaters were a relatively abstract concept. Dumbledore was most certainly not. He was very real, very intimidating if he was a threat to us, and he was right _there_, eating in the same room as us every single day. We lived in a castle that responded to his every whim.

Hermione was _insane_!

"You know that we'll never be good enough to keep Dumbledore out completely," I warned, wondering if I sounded as frantic to her as I did to myself. "Even if he can't see everything, he could destroy your mind if you fight too hard."

She sighed heavily and nodded grimly, "Yes, Severus. I am aware. I don't know what I'd do if it came down to it, but I don't think Albus would risk destroying me. Not so long as I remain useful."

"Useful?" I sputtered, fighting the need to panic at the very thought of the danger I hadn't known she was in. "_This _is the man we're following? A man who'd _kill _you for his own benefit if you weren't useful enough?"

She shook her head quickly, "Not for his own benefit. Albus would never do that. But if he believed that the fate of the war depended upon gleaning every secret from my mind that he could, I think it is possible."

The way she said "possible" made it sound a lot like "probable".

"Fuck, Hermione!" I exclaimed unintelligently.

Both of her hands closed tightly around mine.

"Stop coddling him, girl!" Alastor snapped testily. "Yes, boy, she is in danger. I'm in danger. You're in danger. This is war. Any of us could die at any time."

"Alastor, stay out of this," Hermione growled.

"If you wanted me out of it, you should have told him before you got here," he retorted at once. "You think your mollycoddling is helping anything? You think you're old enough to fight in this war, boy, then you're old enough to face the truth. You and your girlfriend could die any time. Get used to it now, because it's only going to get more dangerous."

I closed my eyes and tried to truly wrap my head around what he was saying. Hermione could die. I couldn't help but recoil from the thought. I couldn't imagine my life without her now. I didn't even want to try. She was the best thing that had ever happened to me. The idea of going back to what I'd been before was incredibly repulsive.

Still, Moody was right. I needed to deal with it. As appealing as the idea may have been to take Hermione and flee the country, I somehow didn't think she'd agree to that. Even if we could manage it fiscally. Hermione was a part of this war. I was too now.

I took a deep breath and willed myself to calm down and think rationally. I had to cope with the danger to her because there simply was no other option. She cared about this war and she was going to be part of it to the end. I knew that I'd be at her side all the way.

"All right," I said at last, turning my hand over to give Hermione's a squeeze in return. "If we're going up against Albus, we'd better get back to work." Hermione looked relieved by my acceptance, Alastor looked approving.

**~.~.{o}.~.~**

By the time the lesson ended, I felt completely wrung dry. I'd never felt this physically and emotionally exhausted during my time at Hogwarts. It reminded me almost painfully of some days at home, except for the fact that it wasn't literally painful. It had lasted several hours, and even with the breaks in between when he coached us and when he was in Hermione's mind, it was incredibly grueling.

Alastor had not been kidding in the slightest when he'd commented on having found the right kind of memories to get the reaction he wanted from me. Every time he entered my mind, he went right for those memories of the worthless muggle I tried not to call Father. The fact that he seemed impressed by my skill and quick progress was small compensation for being forced to relive those horrible memories time and again. This time with a complete stranger looking over my shoulder the entire time.

After some of the things he'd let slip about Hermione's previous memories, I was concerned about him doing the same to mine, but he never did. Professionalism, perhaps. Or maybe a courtesy considering the manner of my memories, I wasn't sure, but at least he never alluded to more than the fact that they were quite unpleasant, which I'm sure Hermione could tell by my expressions when it was happening.

Based on the subtle hints the auror threw out and Hermione's expressions, I thought that embarrassment might just be the commonality of the memories that Alastor was viewing in her mind. She certainly seemed to blush a lot, and once or twice I caught a look in her eyes just after she came out of it that was positively mortified. I very carefully avoided letting on that I'd gathered anything at all about the content of her memories, even when Alastor was throwing out suggestive comments. I didn't think she'd want me to know any more than I wanted her to know what I was going through every time the sod rummaged through my mind.

The most interesting bit that I noticed about the differences in our experiences was that Hermione and Alastor both looked pained after she'd pushed him out, though I had yet to feel any pain. And Alastor hadn't shown any that I'd noticed with regard to me. I could only guess that he was doing something slightly different with her given the fact that she'd been training longer than I had. It was not a part that I was particularly looking forward to reaching, though pain wasn't anything new to me. I knew I'd handle it as well as she did.

When the lesson finally ended, I was a bit surprised at Profess- _Alec's_ return. Though I was glad I didn't have to try to apparate us both back. I was pretty sure that Hermione couldn't apparate at all based on what she'd told me of her magic since her birthday. I tried really hard not to think about how much _that _unnerved me, considering the ever-mounting threats to her life that I was continually discovering. In a duel, she'd be as helpless as a first year, she'd told me. A _first year_. And she was pitting herself against the most powerful dark wizard alive, and the most powerful on the side of the light too, evidently, even if she wasn't necessarily "against" Dumbledore.

So, when Hermione mentioned that she was going to practice her magic after dinner, I made a point to be nothing but completely encouraging. I wasn't much for praying, but I was seriously considering offering up a few prayers with regard to her getting her magic sorted.

I'd been in my room less than fifteen minutes when the knock came, and finding Hermione at my door concerned me. She'd gone up to practice her magic, but she'd have barely had time to walk up there and come back down. Had she changed her mind? Why?

"Can I come in?" she questioned, and I realized that I'd just been staring at her blankly.

I nodded quickly, lowering the wards as I stepped back. I'd given her the password to mine, as it seemed only decent considering that I knew hers, but she'd not used it since. She always asked permission to come in.

"Is everything okay-" I started to ask, only to be cut short by her lips as she pressed herself to me.

Quickly forgetting that I'd been concerned as her arms circled my waist and her body fitted against mine, I returned her kiss with enthusiasm, still vaguely astonished at the fact that she actually seemed to enjoy kissing me despite my over-large nose and too-thin limbs and everything else about myself that seemed clearly objectionable. I definitely wasn't going to question it though, not when she was kissing me like her life depended on it.

I reached out blindly to swing the door shut, and then I was pressing Hermione against it, drowning in her caresses while her tongue in my mouth was rapidly robbing me of all sanity. I never wanted it to end.

The next that I registered beyond our two bodies was that we'd somehow crossed the small room when we fell onto my bed. And then she was on top of me, straddling me, her body pressed flush against mine. Her hands were in my hair, on my face and neck, my chest and shoulders, everywhere at once, and I attempted to return the favor. When my hand brushed against her breast, she whimpered and her entire body trembled.

Concentrating on not coming in my pants, I made the next touch more deliberate. I wasn't sure how far she wanted to go, but she didn't protest the caress. If anything, her kiss was increasing in intensity. I cupped the soft mound through her shirt and reveled in the fact that she didn't seem to mind in the slightest. That she actually seemed to approve.

When my second hand took up the task on her other breast, she ground her crotch down onto mine and I groaned almost incoherently, before my hands shot down to restrain her hips and I broke the kiss. "Wait," I gasped. "Just… I'm gonna…" I swallowed hard. "Just give me a minute."

"Sorry," she panted quietly, lowering her head to rest against my neck.

I shook my head weakly, "It's okay." A bit _too _okay, actually. The urge to thrust my hips up into her again was almost irrepressible, but I knew that I wasn't ready for her to see me come in my pants.

When we'd both mostly caught our breath, I resituated us so that we were lying in the small bed properly, and I spooned up against her back, pulling her tight against me.

We lay there like that for so long that I nearly fell asleep, but the Occlumency lesson from earlier that day kept popping back into my head, and I was curious about some of what had been said. I knew by her breathing that she wasn't sleeping, so I decided that it was as good a time as ever to see if I could get some questions answered. "How did you convince Alastor to train me?" I wondered.

She stirred slightly, nuzzling herself a little more firmly against me before answering, "I just showed him your potential as I saw it," she said, her tone nonchalant. "Some of my memories of you dueling, standing up to bullies, and your intellect. You really are pretty impressive, Severus. It wasn't that hard."

I frowned at her back. She was usually a better liar than that. Or maybe I was just getting to know her better. I didn't know that the words themselves were a lie, for she might actually think so highly of me, but the way she said it… It was a little too casual. Her explanation a little too detailed in some areas and vague in others. She was lying.

When my silence began to drag on, she rolled over to face me, a concerned frown on her face.

"Do you lie to me a lot?" I asked fairly neutrally.

Her eyes widened slightly. "Okay, that wasn't completely true," she said, her voice trembling very slightly. "I… Severus, please believe that I hate lying to you more than anything in the world. I would never, _ever _do it if I didn't feel it was absolutely necessary."

"Why is it necessary?" I asked cautiously, commanding myself to reserve judgment until I'd heard her out.

"Because of Albus, mostly," she said quietly, her warm brown eyes begging me to believe her. "I just… You're amazing at Occlumency, Severus. It won't take you very long to learn it, and then I swear to you…" she took a deep breath, "I will tell you everything."

I studied her for a moment, but I really did believe her this time. And I did trust her. As much as was possible under the circumstances. "Just promise me one thing, Hermione," I said quietly.

She nodded immediately.

"Don't lie to me again."

Her brow drew down slightly.

"I understand if you can't tell me everything, okay? But no more lies. If you can't tell me, just say as much. I won't press it. At least then I'll know that I can trust what you do say."

She exhaled a nervous breath and quickly closed the small distance between us on the bed, burrowing her face into my neck and snuggling into my chest. "I promise," she whispered.

I wrapped my arms around her and held her firmly. Her body fit against mine as though it was made to be there.

"There is something else that I was wondering about," I mentioned warily.

I felt her tense a bit, but she waited for me to continue.

"You told Alastor that I was one of the most powerful wizards you've ever met," I offered.

"You are," she replied, as though she considered it painfully obvious. She drew back enough to look at me. "Severus, there's not a single student in our year that could match you for power alone. Not even James, though he's probably the closest. Well, he and Lucius."

"You could wipe the floor with me," I pointed out.

"If my magic was functioning properly, maybe," she allowed, "but that's only because I've had more training. On raw power though, it seriously doubt…" She stopped herself, frowning. "Okay, honestly, I have no idea. I…" She sighed. "When my magic shifted, it changed completely. I think I may actually be more powerful than I was before."

She was giving me details that she'd previously withheld. I took that to be a good sign for the success of our new honesty policy. What she'd said though… "I didn't think that was possible. I mean…" I hesitated, then continued carefully, "I've heard of a dark ritual that is supposed to be able to increase your power, but…"

"Well, I can promise you I've not been practicing any dark rituals," she said with a slight smile that I took to mean I hadn't insulted her.

"Do you know anything about how it happened to you?" I asked carefully, aware of the fact that she'd already told me otherwise, so I was really just asking her if she'd lied about it before.

She hesitated a moment, and then nodded, "Yes," she said quietly, rolling onto her back to stare up at the canopy of the bed.

I forced myself to remain neutral while I waited for her to continue.

"I do know why it happened," she continued, her voice barely above a whisper. "It is very rare. Maybe even unique. I don't know. I can't… I can't tell you why yet."

I nodded pensively, and decided to change the subject. "You told Alastor that I was… invaluable to the Order," I said carefully, "and I know that we kind of already talked about this, but…"

She rolled to face me again, lifting her hand to brush along my cheek. I couldn't help but lean into the touch a little. "I believe that, Severus. Truly, I do," she said quietly, staring into my eyes again. "But you are more important to me than the Order or the war or any of it. Please believe that. You're…"

The way she was looking at me… It reminded me of something else that had been said today. And of what _hadn't_ been said. "Alastor said… Well, he called me…"

She blushed and averted her eyes, so I figured she knew what I was having a hard time saying.

"You didn't contradict him," I ventured. "Was that just because you didn't want to argue about it in front of me, or…"

She sighed heavily and nodded, still not looking at my face. "Or," she agreed.

My heart did a stupid little dance as I watched her staring at my chest and blushing. "You… love me?" I barely managed to whisper.

She glanced up to meet my eyes for just a moment before lowering her gaze again, her blush deepened. "You're the best friend I've ever had," she said quietly, almost mumbling. "And I'm… Well, obviously I'm attracted to you. And I'm… always thinking about you, and I don't ever want to think about _not _being with you," she finished very quickly, then huffed a brief sigh and looked at me again, her eyes almost defiant. "So, yes, I guess that's my idea of what love is."

My heart seemed to swell up a few times larger than it should be. It was making it difficult to breathe. But surely I didn't really need something as petty as air. Not when I had this… utterly amazing witch telling me that she _loved _me. _Me._ Merlin, I hadn't really ever believed that anyone would love me like that. Not after Lily. But Hermione did. That combination of embarrassment and sincerity I was seeing was real.

She dropped her eyes again. "Look, I don't expect you to say it back," she said quietly. "I'm sorry. Alastor was just being a prat bringing that up."

"Are you apologizing for _loving _me?" I demanded incredulously.

She looked at me again, her eyes wary. "I'm not really sure," she admitted uneasily. "Maybe for admitting it too soon?"

I laughed briefly at the very absurdity of this conversation, then leaned forward to capture her lips again.

She moaned quietly and melted in my arms, and I vaguely wondered if it was possible to die from being too happy. If it was, I was in really serious danger of meeting such a fate.

I forced myself to break the kiss when I realized that there were tears in my eyes. I buried my face in her hair and willed myself to not fall apart. "I love you, too, Hermione," I whispered, hugging her against me.

* * *

**Upcoming! "When A Phoenix Cries: Part 2": Old Magic – Hermione continues her daring game of cat and mouse with Albus as her position within the Order of the Phoenix begins to shift. Hermione begins to unravel the mystery of her magic, discovering help from a most unlikely source, but at a cost that just may prove too high. Friends will be lost and others found while Severus and Hermione struggle to cling to each other through the rising turmoil of war.**

**Too dramatic? Ah well, I hope I've piqued your interest, at least.**


End file.
